The two most influential stages of my life.
Hello my dear readers. I would like to tell you a little bit about my story and what my life has been about since I was a young, immature teenager. I was born and raised in northern Mexico, one of the most abundant and eye catching places in this country where a great contrast can be seen between the poor and the rich. I like to view myself as a planetarian since I don´t feel like I belong to a specific country.
The Past Life
Lately more than ever, I feel strongly connected to God and the Universe. I´ve certainly received a helping hand from someone or something greater than me, else I would be in a completely different place. I grew with a lot of shame and neglection towards accepting my traumas and childhood experiences. Even though I had a pretty good childhood (better than at least 85% of the rest of the world I would say), I carried a lot of insecurity and trauma around with me since I was a teenager. I experienced a lot of psychological abuse and physical trauma. I´ve had around 8 medical operations ranging from cerebral blood clots, broken arms and multiple inflammatory injuries from playing sports and completely disregarding my physical safety. I love to skateboard, snowboard, surf, basically get on any type of board you can imagine. I love hiking and climbing up steep hills, where one wrong step sends you tumbling down piles of sharp rocks. I constantly misbehaved in school and at home, causing frustration in my teachers and parents. I was ungrateful for the material possessions I was blessed to have and I also failed to appreciate the value of money. During those dark times in my life, I felt rejected, unworthy and unloved. I never felt like I was enough and kept chasing the sweet validation of other people. A never-ending cycle of approval seeking and feeling strong feelings of insecurity, anxiety, nervousness, fear and guilt. At 21 years old I hated my life. I hated going to college, a place where I didn´t fit in. I hated my household because of all the constant nagging and lack of approval, I always had to work harder. I experienced suicidal thoughts after failing three courses one semester, luckily I made the decision of at least taking time off college before I made an impulsive move. It was my bottom. I understood that I couldn´t live like that anymore. Unfortunately, sometimes we need to hit our bottom, so we can transcend to another level of our evolution. When fail to see the signs from our Spirit, we move further and further away from our true purpose and inner light. I ignored these signs, I was completely deaf and blind. I never returned to college because I knew it wasn´t the place I would reach my full potential. Luckily, one day I came across a book by Eckharte Tolle “The Power of Now” (a gift from the Universe), which completely started to remove the curtain of unconsciousness from my eyes. Then, there were many other transformational books that had helped me get out of that pit where I had been “lying” feeling sorry for myself for years. I wouldn´t be alive without the help of Ryan Holiday and his amazing saga that starts with “The Obstacle is The Way”. Meditations by Marcus Aurelius taught me how to control my emotions and become an observer. Mark Manson taught me how to stop actually caring and giving a fuck about what my parents and society thought of me. I realized I was living for others, not for myself. This is where my depression stemmed from. Inside this awful reality lied all my anxiety, and I constantly, unwillingly let myself live inside this reality. Lack of courage, lack of action, lack of integrity towards myself and my values, these were all keeping me in a powerful state of apathy and depression. Thankfully I came across a number of teachers and mentors that helped me physically and mentally overcome these treacherous monsters living inside my head. Since that day I haven’t stopped healing and exploring myself. I’ve learned how to love and appreciate myself, have become an energy healer for myself and others, a physical and spiritual coach, discovered that I was a channeler and clairvoyant.
The Next Life
I’ve received such priceless experience from the lessons the Universe has given me and am feeling extremely grateful for all the hardships I’ve had to deal with along this amazing journey. Now I help others. And I will be doing it till my last breath, it’s my nature, I cannot not do it. I´ve finally given myself permission to help others while simultaneously figuring out what vocations I wish to pursue. I´ve finally learned to deal with the imposter syndrome that comes with starting new projects and ventures. I´ve learned to stop judging people and myself to quickly, even judge them at all. Simply appreciate myself and everyone for who they genuinely are. I´ve seen people release their darkest sides, as I´ve also seen myself do it. I´ve seen people live in their truest and most brilliant form, I´ve also started to get a small glimpses of this light within me. The light we all carry. Next to this light is also a patch of darkness waiting to take complete control, you must never let it. You must learn to embrace and hug this dark side without it taking the wheel. At 24 I ruined many precious relationships I had because I let my tendency to quit and give up take over. I was diagnosed with ADHD until I was 26 after seeking psychotherapy for the first time. During that first session, everything came crashing down in a fucking second, making complete sense to me. I instantly started crying and having intense feelings of regret towards all those times I auto-sabotaged my progress. I quickly forgave myself and chose to look forward because I knew none of it had been my fault, although I take complete responsibility for my actions, I felt I had finally found that puzzle piece that had me confused for many years while growing up. People with ADHD and neurodivergent brains have a risk of having depression four times greater than the average brain. The only way to avoid ever getting sucked into this depression again, the psychiatrist recommended I do the most important things anyone can do, especially people with ADHD.
Eat healthy foods.
Have written goals and thoughts.
I was already on the right track. I had already positioned myself in an extremely advantageous situation given the fact that I had already been exercising since the age of fifteen. If there´s something I never quit, was the desire to move and challenge my body. Be it through sports, martial arts, running, hiking, swimming, you name it. I was always looking forward to having fun through movement. I´m the oldest of three. My two younger sisters and I share many traits. We all share a passion for exercise and making it a daily part of our routines. I didn´t always have the best eating habits and I´ve never followed a strict diet, but I´ve managed to safely control my impulses when it comes to sugar, cheat meals and over-eating. My youngest sister wasn´t as lucky, she was diagnosed with pre-diabetes symptoms at the age of thirteen which explained her sudden weight increase and difficulty processing regular foods. There was a nutritional revolution inside my house and before I knew it my mother and my two sisters went full fledged vegan mode in order to fix the situation. As soon as I joined the vegan wave I noticed my mind and my body felt ten times better than how it used to when I stuck with my old eating habits. I felt more awake, more energized, more agile and savvy. I still eat meat sometimes, and I don´t restrict myself if I´m around friends who still eat the “normal” way. I don´t judge people by what they eat, I simply decide to listen to my body, if I´m training hard as fuck that week, I´ll probably stick to clean eating. I´ll give myself permission to have a big slice of chocolate cake if my grandmother comes over with her amazing cooking skills. Or if I´m having a date with someone and we decide to order some pizza and open a bottle of wine. I´ve come across the idea of intuitive eating many times in many different books, Youtube channels and conferences, that now I´ve learned to intuitively listen to mine. I wrote about the first time I meditated my last post. To summarize quickly, meditation brought to the surface many repressed emotions inside me. It taught me how to talk differently to myself, to comprehend my thoughts and realize that there is no thought scary enough to bring me down. No preoccupation heavy enough to cause anxiety. That the only judgement placed on me is the judgement I placed on myself and others. That I don´t have to identify myself as one type of person, that I can embody different personalities to adapt to any situation. Alone or socially. Talking to myself immensely increased my ability to talk to others. This greatly prepared me for all my coaching, therapy and psychotherapy sessions for the future. Learning I have ADHD has been a blessing, it let´s me understand that I´m perfectly fine the way I am, that there´s nothing inherently wrong with me, just a different programming I have to learn to read. My own programming. Every person with ADHD has their own programming, no two people have the same issues. It always manifests differently, yet our condition is the same. This does not make you better or worse then anyone with or without a neutrodivergent brain, it simply is what it is. It is different. Life is full of different. Full of variety, you can´t expect everything to be the same, it wouldn´t make sense. This universe it too complicated, too vast, too expansive, too infinite.
Your current life.
I hope you have the courage to accept the version of yourself that is presently reading this. I hope you have the strength to overcome any obstacle headed your way because one thing in this life is for sure, obstacles are coming. How we respond and how we react to these situations is what will create a stronger version of your spirit. Make sure above all, that you enjoy this life. People say life is short, it really isn´t. It´s long as fuck. Paradoxically, in the blink of an eye it´s over. So stop worrying too much about egotistical stuff like money, jobs, achievements, fame, recognition, cars, houses, clothes. Take it from someone who grew up with all of those things, they don´t mean shit when it comes to true happiness. True happiness comes from finding your role in this world and offering value to the current society we live in. Offering value to your family and your friends, and spending time alone doing activities that make you feel good, then, monetize those activities. How do I know all of these things? I don´t. I really don´t. I trust that I´m doing the right things, and that things eventually fall in line like domino pieces. Sometimes these pieces seem to stop, and before you resist the urge to topple them over yourself, stop. Rest. Breathe. Enjoy. Before you know it a small breeze will soon make it´s way to you and the pieces will start to fall again by themselves.