Changing Behaviour for Harmonious Relationships

Feb 12, 2021

Is there someone in your life that you have a difficult relationship with? A family member, partner, friend, work colleague or acquaintance? Someone who you rub up against on a regular basis, someone you feel criticises you, or blames you, a person who frustrates you. All would be good if only they would change?

You will never be able to change anyone else’s behaviour, they may well be wishing you would change! So you reach an impasse.

What you do have control over is how you choose to interact with this person, and by acting differently then the response they have to you will change and therefore you create the change in their behaviour you desire.

You may think “Why should I be the one to change?” But if this relationship is toxic and difficult then taking action and making the changes gives you your power back so you no longer feel at the mercy of your feelings about this person.

There was someone in my life who I would give information to only to have it turned back on me at a later stage. So I simply stopped giving the information, as an adult I made adult choices instead of reacting like the child within.

A client recently told me when speaking to the person in her life who she had a tense relationship with, because a conversation would begin and continue with a constant stream of negativity, she simply said “ This is for your therapist to deal with, not me” And the reply was laughter and the subject changed without any reference to the usual negativity. My client took her power back and acted as an adult not a child.

If you find that with this person you say Yes to everything when in fact you want to say No. Be honest - “ I am not available at that time, but can do….” So its not an outright No, it is a compromise.

Be clear about your boundaries, “I am not available on a Wednesday night as its my yoga class”. If you want the other person to respect your time then you must respect it first. Behave like a doormat, get treated like a doormat!

Change will be incremental – the closer someone is to you the more of your buttons they know how to press, so when they find one of them no longer works they will try another one, so if you systematically change your reaction to each one then you gain the harmonious relationship you desire.