December 16

3 Easy Steps to improve communication in relationships

Most of us obey traffic rules when we are on the road to prevent accidents with other vehicles .However, how often do we follow rules of communication to avoid verbal accidents in our workplace or homes?

Each of us in this world are unique and have a unique path in our life. We are all travelling to different destinations. What will happen, when we don’t pay attention to our own thoughts which are the signals from the outside world, ignore them and move on. We end up in a collision. We all go through good and bad thoughts in our everyday life. It’s only when we become aware of our thoughts as we would at a traffic signal that we will be able to act consciously without causing harm to us or others around us.

Words are tools that are provided to us in the world to communicate with other fellow beings. Words originate from our thoughts and carry emotions . Thoughts carry energy and this energy gets transferred into our emotions and words. When we think negatively, we create negative energy.However, we pay very less attention to the words that we use in our conversation especially at home or workplace. Why do we have to pay attention to our own words?

Each word that we put out into the world are expressions of our own self . Sometimes we unconsciously throw out negative words to another person thinking it would hurt them or harm them. However, as we all have heard according to Newton’s third law, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. So every negative thought that is transmitted out to someone actually harms us and not the other person . Let’s take an example of us getting angry and shouting at someone using rude words. Based on the emotional intelligence of the other person listening to us they may feel upset or not. However, the rude/bad words that originate from us have the negative emotion of “Anger” which produces toxic chemicals in our body and then transmits toxicity to every organ in our body thereby creating negativity within us. This eventually leads to severe physical illness and can result in chronic diseases.

Having understood this connection, what can we do?

Today I am going to share with you a simple technique that would help you respond rather than react to situations. There are 3 stages in this technique

The first stage is called Preparation

Preparation - This stage involves preparing your mindset during the communication process. The steps in the preparation process are

  • Stop - In this step, take a moment to stop judgement and reaction .You can use any kind of reminders that will help you to stop before you say anything out.

  • Pause - Pause for a moment by imagining you are stepping back one step using breathing or counting exercise.

Next stage is called Planning

Planning - In this stage, imagine you are wearing your thinking hat and ask questions to yourself using the below questions

  • Who am I talking to?

  • What is the final outcome that I am looking for from this conversation?

  • Where am I talking?

  • Is this the best time for me to talk ?

  • Why do I think I need to talk ? Will it help the final outcome ?

Last Stage is Execution

Execution - In the execution stage, use the answers from planning to craft a message that is intended to be communicated in the most suitable manner towards the other party/parties involved in the communication process.

Please note as with any skill, mastering this technique requires practice. There will be many times you might fail but the idea is to never give up and keep practising until it becomes an automatic muscle that works in favour of you .

We cannot prevent all the negativity that is happening around us .However, if we are conscious about our thoughts, words and actions, we can absolutely prevent creating negativity and ultimately destroying ourselves.

“You can’t change how people treat you or what they say about you. All you can do is change how you react to it.” - Mahatma Gandhi

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