I know what you must be thinking, shocking right?! When you think about narcissistic abuse, it’s difficult to associate it with anything spiritual or of good benefit. For someone who is still stuck in that phase of emotional abuse and manipulation, it’s even more difficult to wrap their head around it. That’s not surprising, victims of narcissistic abuse live in a state of confusion, they end up questioning their own reality due to the gaslighting, manipulation and the emotional trauma that they go through.
It’s difficult to believe that the strategic devastation of another person’s life could result in something so beautiful and liberating. Narcissistic people are like dementors, they feed on pain and unhappiness of others, and they suck the energy right out of you. Their ego is boosted by belittling others, leaving their victims feeling unworthy and unloved so they feel superior to them. This way they become more powerful and gain control over their victims so they can easily manipulate them and feed on their energy. This personality disorder is a mental health issue that causes a lot of pain and mental torture to the targeted victims, who are usually codependents and empaths. Narcissists choose their victims wisely, and they target empaths and codependents for their kindness, nurturing characteristics and high level of empathy. These people are usually selfless and are always ready to please others and give as much as they can. Narcissistic people take advantage of their goodness and end up making them believe that they are useless without any good qualities, unworthy of love, and have their victims believe that everyone views them in the same light.
The weaker their victims become, the more powerful they feel. Their victims end up depending more on them as they lose their sense of self and identity because of the misery they find themselves in. Narcissists keep taking advantage of the forgiving personality and the fear of abandonment that their victims have. They shift between phases of withdrawing their love from you and love bombing phases, to keep you attached to them and make it harder for you to leave. This kind of abuse is soul-crushing, making it quite difficult to heal from the emotional wounds and overcome the trauma. It’s important to cut off every contact with the narcissist as this reduces the chance of you falling back for them. The narcissists usually don’t want their victims to leave them if they sense that they can still take advantage of them in some way to continue feeding on their energy. They want to stay in power and get you to attend to their needs, unless you become an inconvenience to them, then that’s a different story.
The Healing Journey
Healing from narcissistic abuse takes a lot of time, and the victims pass from different stages as they start processing what happened to them. It’s not easy to realize that the person you loved so dearly does not exist, and to accept that the person you adored caused you so much pain. Initially, people start going through the grieving phase as they come to terms with the fact that their ideal lover was actually an illusion, a sociopathic imposter pretending to be their soul mate. It’s almost the same as mourning the loss of a loved one, which could take months of suffering and struggle. Most often, people get stuck on the memories and the good times they had together, and find themselves in a state of cognitive dissonance, craving their abuser like a drug.
The more you learn about the psychology behind this personality disorder, the easier it becomes to accept and understand what happened to you, and realize that you did not deserve any of that. When people get into a relationship with a narcissist, they get blamed for everything, and they feel that they are not good enough no matter what they do. Learning about how these people function will help you realize that you are not to blame. Their behaviour is actually a reflection of how they feel about themselves, and their fragile ego projects onto others because they cannot handle any self-imperfections. Knowing this will give you a sense of relief and will uplift you as you start re-discovering your positive qualities and skills.
The process of healing might seem a bit slow, and this journey requires a lot of patience combined with self-care, self-love and self-compassion. So what does it mean to really love yourself? Accepting yourself with all your flaws, mistakes and imperfections is an act of self-love, as it means that you love yourself unconditionally, which is the purest most authentic form of love. Acceptance is key to start healing because the path of the least resistance removes suffering and allows you to find inner peace. Even if you are not aware of it, you are gracefully walking yourself to the path of liberation and spiritual awakening.
What is Spiritual Awakening?
Spiritual awakening happens when you experience a shift in consciousness where you stop filtering everything through your ego. Your consciousness expands and you become more self-aware and wake up to the ultimate reality. It’s as if you were perceiving the world through a dark filter, focusing on things which don’t really matter. Most people tend to live in fear that keeps them stuck in their comfort zone, seeking security which kills all the fun in life. They stay worrying about the past and the future, missing out on the present moment, and indulge in compulsive thinking which inhibits them from reaching their own potential and manifesting great things.
An expansion of consciousness comes with enhanced self-awareness and usually results from a lot of suffering and emotional pain. When people realize that they’ve had enough of their life, behavioural patterns, and life choices which no longer serve them, they start going inward reflecting on their circumstances. Being exploited and abused, pushes you to start taking care of yourself and nourish yourself with self-love and care. You realize that no one can take better care of you than your own self, and slowly you start changing your ways to live a more balanced and joyful life. Change is not easy, but experiencing narcissistic abuse will make you realize that there is no other way out of your misery but to start working on yourself to heal your emotional trauma.
Practising mindfulness techniques and meditation play an important part in healing and the expansion of consciousness. Meditation is truly beneficial when it comes to managing stress, anxiety and releasing painful emotions. Apart from the numerous physiological and psychological benefits of meditation, it also calms the mind and gives you access to inner knowledge and inner power. By practise, you will find it easier to detach from your thoughts and be less carried away by them and the triggered emotions. As you learn how to observe your thoughts, you realize that you are not your thoughts, but the observer of the thoughts, thus awareness in itself. You become in touch with your true essence and all of a sudden you realize that you have much more clarity with a heightened sense of intuition.
With more clarity and access to your inner wisdom, you realize what a beautiful being you are, you feel empowered and reassured that you will never allow someone to take advantage of you like that again. You feel a sense of oneness and universal connection with all beings, and you realize that separation comes from ego which is just a fragment of who you are. Thanks to the clairvoyance that a spiritual awakening brings with it, you start making better choices for your life and makes you feel that you are in harmony with the universe.
How is narcissistic abuse linked to spiritual awakening?
Narcissistic people break you down and leave you feeling mentally and spiritually exhausted. When we are faced with this kind of abuse and want to break free from that nightmare, we start seeking ways to help ourselves and change. The suffering and abuse push us to change no matter how difficult it might seem, and make us go inward to find ourselves again and find inner peace. The only way we can find peace is to go inward and even if we are not aware of this, we start doing it intuitively to free ourselves from the trauma and emotional pain tormenting our reality.
During their healing journey, people realize that they need to start taking better care of themselves to protect themselves from getting into similar situations and create a better lifestyle. Let’s have a look at the most common changes that people go through during their healing process and path of spiritual awakening:
1. Consistent self-care
Self-care is essential to start healing from narcissistic abuse. The more you participate in it, the more you will start to appreciate it and enjoy the cultivated feeling of well-being. You start becoming more assertive and feeling less scared to communicate your needs or assert your boundaries.
Taking care of yourself properly requires taking care of your body, mind and spirit, and you stop making excuses that you are too busy to engage in activities that you enjoy doing. You learn how to give yourself what you need at the right time, whether it’s spending some time in nature, going for a run, taking some time for yourself in silence or taking a break from your busy routine.
2. Interested in working on self rather than fixing your Ex or wondering what they’re up to
When you are in a relationship with a narcissist, you get stuck in a loop where you are constantly focused on how to fix the problem and make things better. You never think about what you need or why you are staying in that toxic relationship in the first place.
Focusing on what you need rather than trying to understand how to make your abuser happy is a sign that you are letting go of the need to control the situation and that you want to take care of yourself. You finally stop worrying whether your life choices are going to make your Ex angry or be of any inconvenience. This way you start honouring your own needs, desires and dreams which means that you are being true to yourself.
Moreover, you start caring less about what your Ex might be up to, and realize that the same repeated cycle of abuse will keep repeating itself with whomever they might get involved with. Instead, you start focusing on your future and exploring what brings you joy and fulfilment.
3. Realize that no amount of love or empathy can fix the narcissist
Most people who end up being victims to narcissists think that if they love them unconditionally and empathize with them, they will be able to heal them or change their personality. Unfortunately this is not true, and they end up harming themselves along the way trying to fix their abusers.
Most narcissists don’t even see the need to change, and those who do still find it extremely difficult to change their behaviour and personality traits due to the nature of the personality disorder itself. Even if you convince the narcissists to go to therapy, it is highly unlikely that you will see any improvement.
At some point, the victims make peace with this and realize that fixing them was only a fantasy. They accept the fact that the only person they can change is themselves, and they stop trying to control people. Instead, they turn inward and start working on the relationship with themselves to heal.
4. Letting go of people who drain your energy
Following a relationship with a narcissist, you realize how draining some people can be. As you become more aware of this, you start releasing that which no longer serves you, and you become more selective with the kind of people you spend time with.
If you experience a spiritual awakening, it also means that you are vibrating at a higher frequency. Naturally, friends who are vibrating at a lower frequency will start draining you, and you realize that suddenly they step out of your reality even if it seems like it happened for no obvious reason. It’s okay, let go of people who drain you and honour yourself by surrounding yourself with good energy and people who uplift you.
5. Learning the importance of self-boundaries and that what you allow will continue
Narcissistic people do not respect boundaries. They strategically manipulate you to get an ego boost from getting away with things and keep pushing your limits. Trying to assert boundaries with a narcissist is a complete waste of time, and people realize this after countless failed attempts.
Arguing with the narcissist is pointless and by time, the victims realize that by sticking around, they are indirectly telling them that they can do anything they want without facing any consequences. The only way to stop the abuse is to walk away and not tolerate it any more.
6. Perceiving the experience as a divine gift
It may sound odd to perceive your suffering and emotional trauma as a good thing. But in reality, that very experience drives most people to go inward and overcome false self-limiting beliefs and heal unresolved wounds which they were carrying from childhood. As a result, they free themselves from the dysfunctional conditioning which was leading them to making unhealthy choices and getting involved into toxic relationships.
Once the unresolved childhood wounds are healed, you start operating from a place of love rather than a place of fear and self-doubt. Making better choices and aligning with your truth will help you live a healthier life and establish fulfilling relationships.
7. Transforming beyond your psychology and living your best life
Once you move away from the emotional abuse and establish solid boundaries, you start understanding how a healthy relationship should work. You find yourself always working on being the best version of yourself, releasing what no longer serves you, and embracing new beginnings and opportunities that come your way.
Of course, this does not mean that you don’t go through difficult times, all of us experience ups and downs in life. However, this kind of transformation empowers you to approach life challenges differently with a sense of knowingness that no matter what happens you will be okay.
Spiritual awakening allows you to start seeing synchronicities and signs from the universe which you weren’t able to see before because you did not trust on yourself, and you were too focused on how to fix others rather than listening to your intuition. By building up the courage to be your authentic self, you find yourself living an incredibly fulfilling and peaceful life.
If you are finding it difficult to leave a toxic relationship, ask yourself why you are actually staying and face your biggest fears. Go inward and reflect on why you allow others to treat you that way. If you think that one day the narcissist will start appreciating your dedication and effort that you put into the relationship, you are going to be waiting for an infinite amount of time.