5 Red Flags To Look Out For In A Relationship
Jun 22, 2021

When we first start dating someone, it’s easy to get lost in the moment, and the exciting feelings we get in the initial stage. It’s important to keep in mind that when you start getting to know someone, everything might seem happy and carefree. Your days might be filled with fun dates, laughter and a lot of intimate moments. This so-called honeymoon phase can be quite intense, and it’s easy to ignore the red flags popping up, as we are too caught up in the blissful moments. However, if we keep ignoring what our gut feeling is telling us, this might cost us a lot in the long run.

Here are 5 common red flags which should not be ignored if you want to avoid toxic relationships:

1. Inconsistent behaviour and communication

The first thing you start to notice when you are getting to know someone, is their communication style. When someone is emotionally stable and truly interested in you, you can feel it, and it makes you feel safe opening up your heart to them. They show genuine interest in getting to know the real you and embrace your authenticity. You notice that they ask about your day, your plans, your goals and are genuinely interested in what you like and dislike to have a better understanding of who you are.

On the contrary, if someone starts alternating between showing a lot of interest in you, and then ghosting you for hours and ignores your messages, it’s already a sign that they are inconsistent. Of course this doesn’t mean that you have to be glued to your phone 24⁄7, it’ extremely important that you don’t lose yourself along the way and continue growing as an individual. Disregarding you for hours however is a different story.

2. Disregarding your needs and your boundaries

If you find yourself in a situation where you express yourself, and show that you value certain things in a relationship, but the other person does not even acknowledge them, it’s not something that you should ignore. These behavioural patterns don’t just disappear, they get worse over time.

When someone truly cares about you, they respect your boundaries and values, and if they are aligned with you, it should not cause issues in your relationship. If they hold different values, and you sense that these clash with your core principles and with who you are, it means that you are not a good match. If you try to change and convince yourself that these values do not matter to you anymore, you are not being true to yourself.

By doing this, you are being submissive and allowing them to step over your boundaries from the very beginning. It’s wiser to walk away and wait until you meet someone who holds the same principles and shares the same values, otherwise you will not be happy in the relationship.

3. Acting selfishly

Being in a relationship requires compromise and attending to each other’s needs. If you notice that a person is self-involved and shows minimal interest in being involved in your life, don’t fight for them to stay. This could be a bit confusing for some people as when you date someone who is self-centred, they will show you that they want to meet you and spend time with you, however only when it is convenient to them.

To build a healthy and fulfilling relationship, both parties need to be wanting it. So if you find yourself craving their time and attention, it’s a sign that they are not ready to commit. Most people take this a sign that they are not good enough. They get caught up in a vicious cycle where they keep chasing the other person and trying to win them over. If you don’t want to find yourself in a situation where you have to beg and fight to get some affection and attention, end the relationship before it gets harder to leave.

4. Controlling and manipulative

This can be quite tricky as most often we think that when someone is trying to control us, we interpret it as being protective over us because they want us so much. It also goes hand in hand with respecting your boundaries and yourself as a human being. For example, you might be dating someone who seems lovely and considerate, but flips out when you show interest in going out with your friends or something he or she disapproves of.

Respecting each other’s boundaries is one thing, but being possessive and suffocating is unhealthy and not sustainable long term. Moreover, if you do something which raises concern to your partner, they should be able to communicate it in a healthy way and discuss it with you, rather than causing drama and throwing tantrums. Giving ultimatums to abide by their terms is also quite common, and a lot of people become submissive because they fear losing the other person. If you find yourself giving up doing the things you love, or behaving in a certain way to make someone else happy, you are giving away your freedom and your own right to live a joyful life.

5. Justifying their behaviour

This is a HUGE red flag which most people seem to overlook. When you find yourself justifying their behaviour, and trying to think of valid reasons as to why they are making you feel unhappy, it means that you should RUN AWAY.

Unfortunately, when we are strongly attached to someone, we idealize them and keep hoping that they are the perfect soul mate we have been waiting for. We end up making excuses for them when they ignore our calls or cancel on our plans. The first time that they snap at us just for asking a question, we justify it and blame other reasons for that reaction. Maybe it’s because they’re going through a hard time, or they’re stressed out and have too much on their mind.

Excuses are excuses, and we keep thinking of every possible reason to blame, because we don’t even want to entertain the idea that maybe this is just who they really are. It is painful to accept the fact that the image of the person you had in your mind is unreal. But it will be much more painful if you dig your head in the sand and ignore all the red flags telling you to run away as fast as you can.

Keep in mind, that a person’s reaction to things and behavioural patterns, are an indication of their personality. How they react to external situations and different scenarios is in itself a part of who they are. So it’s important not to mistaken and interpret the reaction as being caused by the scenario or external stimuli. People react differently to different situations, it’s what makes us who we are. The scenario or situation is never the cause of the reaction, the reaction comes from within.

How to deal with red flags in a relationship?

When your intuition is telling you that something is off, don’t ignore, and listen to it. Accept things as they are and move forward with your life, don’t sell yourself short or settle for someone who doesn’t reciprocate what you are putting in the relationship. If you want to build healthy and fulfilling relationships, it is essential to be true to yourself and make the right choices, even if it might feel uncomfortable.

When you know that it’s the best choice for your own happiness’s sake, you will feel empowered and proud of yourself for making the right choice according to what’s best for you. If someone isn’t able to recognize the value in you, make space for those who will.


Leave your comments / questions for this practitioner

To write a comment please
or
Services
Category filter
Concern filter
Type filter
Sort
 

All categories

Career Coaching
$99 USD
coaching session
Transformational Life Coaching Session Online

Life coaching can be used as a powerful tool to improve your self-awareness, uncover possibilities, navigate challenges, set clear intentions, create more balance in certain areas, and fulfill your goals in life.

Like there are many kinds of everything, there are kinds of life coaches. I specialize in Transformational Life Coaching, which "has evolved as a more complete approach to coaching, moving away from a simple performance-focused tool that is traditionally used to one of a humanistic and psychological focus, where the whole person is taken into account – not just what is visible on the surface. It is a reflective way of coaching that aims to "explore a client’s cognitive, emotional, sensory and relational patterns in order to create a more complete understanding of their perspective on the world."

Life coaches can:

  • Help you uncover your vision and talents, and guide you through achieving your goals. He or she will help you identify your strengths and better understand your weaknesses so you can overcome them. It's also about discovering what your real skills and talents are so you can use them to your advantage.

  • Help you get clear on your WHY behind your goals. Do your wants align with your values in life or are you measuring against someone else's standards?

  • Help you gain self awareness - we don't know what we don't know. And with self awareness, some of us are on autopilot, just reacting to things without thinking of how we could better handle situations with our colleagues, families, partners instead of impulsively reacting.

  • Help you understand your emotional needs and limiting beliefs that keep you stopping yourself and in your own damn way.

  • Help you create plans and be accountable for the steps you take and goals you set for yourself.

  • Help you uncover your success blocks, or better understand where your standards or boundaries don't align with what you're allowing in your life.

Get out of your own damn way!

Andrea Hunt
Career Coaching
$195 USD
coaching session
Holistic Lifestyle & Nutrition Coaching

ARE YOU TIRED? STRESSED OUT? STRUGGLING WITH YOUR WEIGHT? UNDER SLEPT?
LOST YOUR ZEST FOR LIFE?

If this sounds like you, then you don’t need a new diet… you need a new lifestyle! Remember the days of boundless energy, a pain-free body and a zest for life every day. Did you know lifestyle equates to 90-95% of diseases? Do you want to know how to solve all your health problems?

This is what I offer –

• 1-2-3-4 of Holistic Health
1 Love 2 Forces 3 Choices 4 Doctors
This is much deeper than just nutrition this is a journey into yourself.
The relationship you have with food is the relationship you have with yourself.
The relationship you have with yourself is the relationship you have with everything!

• Heal Disordered Eating
Almost every person has a form of disordered eating – this can put a tremendous strain on our lives and keep us stuck in a low vibration.

• Holistic Lifestyle Coaching
Learn how our environment and surroundings have a deep and profound impact on every level of our being – your environment can either make or break your health.

• Achieve Deep Health ~ 6 Primary dimensions
Physical, mental, emotional, existential, relational-social and environmental.

• Become the Greatest Version of Yourself
We all have unique gifts and abilities to offer the world – we can’t serve anyone if we don’t take care of ourselves first.

• Cultivate Body-Awareness
Your body is the only place you have to call home – the better we can learn to listen to our body and let it guide us, the better our lives become.

OUR BODIES HAVE A TREMENDOUS ABILITY TO HEAL, AND HOLISTIC NUTRITION PROVIDES THE BODY WITH THE INFORMATION AND ENERGY IT NEEDS TO ATTAIN AND MAINTAIN OPTIMAL HEALTH.

**Price for one consultation - $195

  • Price for full month - $585
David Giddings
Career Coaching
$100 USD
consultation
Career Consulting for Therapists

Are you a therapist feeling stuck in a job? Thinking about private practice? I am here to help process career options, live in alignment with your values, and help guide you to your best decision.

At this time, I am only offering consulting services to other therapists! If you are in a different helping field, stay tuned for more services!

Alicia Johnson
Career Coaching
$10 USD
coaching session
Discovery Coaching Session

It is more important than ever to make sure that you and your life coach “click.” Let’s have a discovery session to “click” and see if I’m the right coach for you!

Coaching is a form of development in which an experienced person, called a coach, supports a learner or client in achieving a specific personal or professional goal by providing training and guidance.

Jerval Johnson
Registered individuals enjoy all the possibilities of Core Spirit.