The Fear of Being Not Needed is The Main Cause of Anxiety, According to Science and Dalai Lama

Demi Powell
March 29
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For many reasons, there has never been a greater time to be alive. Violence plagues some corners of the world, and too many still live under the grip of tyrannical regimes. And even though all the world’s major faiths profess love, compassion and tolerance, unthinkable violence is being perpetrated in the name of religion.

And yet, fewer among us are poor, fewer are hungry, fewer children are dying, and more men and women can read than ever before. In many countries, recognition of women’s and minority rights is now the basics. There is still much work to do, for sure, but there is hope and there is progress. How weird, then, to see such anger and huge discontent in some of the world’s richest nations. In the United States, Britain and across the European Continent, people are mad about political frustration and anxiety about the future. Refugees and migrants clamor for the opportunity to live in these safe, prosperous countries, but those who already live in those promised lands report large uneasiness about their own futures that seems to border on hopelessness. Why? 

A tiny hint comes from fascinating study about how people thrive. In one shocking experiment, scientists revealed that senior citizens who didn’t feel useful to others were nearly three times as likely to die prematurely as those who did feel useful. This speaks to a broader human truth: We all want to be needed. Being “needed” does not mean selfish pride or unhealthy attachment to the worldly esteem of others. Instead, it consists of a natural human hunger to serve our fellow men and women. 

As the 13th-century Buddhist sages said, “If one lights a fire for others, it will also brighten one’s own way.” Virtually all the world’s major religions teach that diligent work in the service of others is our highest nature and thus lies at the center of a happy life. Scientific surveys and studies confirm shared tenets of our faiths. Americans who prioritize doing good for others are almost twice as likely to state they are very happy about their lives. In Germany, people who try to serve society are five times likelier to state they are very happy than those who do not see service as essential. 

Selflessness and joy are intertwined. The more we are one with the rest of humanity, the better we feel. This helps demonstrate why pain and indignation are sweeping through prosperous countries. The issue is not a lack of material riches. It is the rising amount of people who feel they are no more useful, no more needed, no more one with their societies. In America today, compared with 50 years ago, three times as many working-age men are completely outside the work force. This pattern is happening throughout the developed world — and the consequences are not just economic. Feeling superfluous is a blow to the human spirit. It causes social isolation and emotional pain, and builds the conditions for negative emotions to take root. 

What can we do to help? The first answer is not systematic. It is personal. Everyone has something valuable to share. We should begin every day by consciously asking ourselves, “What can I do today to appreciate the gifts that others offer me?” We have to make sure that global brotherhood and oneness with others are not just abstract thoughts that we support, but personal commitments that we mindfully put into practice. Each of us has the responsibility to make this a habit. But those in positions of responsibility have a special chance to expand inclusion and create societies that truly need everyone. Leaders need to understand that a compassionate society must build a wealth of opportunities for meaningful work, so that everyone who is capable of contributing can do so. A compassionate society has to give kids education and training that enriches their lives, both with greater ethical understanding and with practical skills that can lead to economic security and inner peace. A compassionate society has to protect the vulnerable while making sure that these policies do not trap people in misery and dependence. Creating such a society is no simple task. No ideology or political party holds all the answers. Misguided thinking from all sides contributes to social exclusion, so overcoming it will take innovative solutions from all sides. Indeed, what unites the two of us in friendship and collaboration is not shared politics or the same religion. It is something easier: a shared belief in compassion, in human dignity, in the intrinsic usefulness of every person to contribute positively for a better and more meaningful world. The issues we come across are in traditional categories; so must our dialogue, and our friendships. Many are confused and frightened to see anger and frustration sweeping like wildfire across societies that enjoy historic safety and prosperity. But their refusal to be content with physical and material security actually reveals something beautiful: a universal human hunger to be needed. Let us work together to build a society that feeds this hunger. 

By THE DALAI LAMA and ARTHUR C. BROOKS Source: The New York Times

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