May 13

From Conflict 2 Connection - Breaking the Abuse Cycle

Are you familiar with what abuse looks like? The conflict that Judgment, Criticism, Blame and Shame – the silencing components of abuse, the powerlessness, trauma, and depression they create?

The impact in society is insidious and damaging – we see it in homes, workplaces, schools, and organisations, and continues today from those who continue to strip people of their power, of their humanity.

Unfortunately, women, (as well as men) have been the co-operative components in keeping this cycle alive – every person who has remained silent, protecting the perpetrators at the cost of the mental, physical, and emotional well-being and often lives of their children and themselves.

As humans we are repulsed to even consider that there live amongst us, people who have no regard for another, no respect for themselves or others; it shocks us to see or hear of the pain, and horrors that mankind has committed, and that has become normalised. So many have no idea what they witness and what they experience IS abuse, is violation and the pain is such that they turn a blind eye and would rather not see it or hear it.

To educate, we need to understand what keeps conflict and abuse alive and what it creates, that we can heal and restore connection from conflict. You may have experienced the terror that judgment, criticism, blame and shame as you grew up and are possibly still experiencing this today.

There are many creators …. parents, family, teachers, co-workers, bosses, or peers – people who make you feel… • you do not matter, • you are not good enough, • you are a waste of space or time • or harming you physically, mentally, emotionally or through neglect

These contribute to and create conflict, BUT what keeps the conflict alive inside us, and our society is our own personal daily use…. • of put-downs and criticism of ourselves and others when we perceive we have said or done something wrong or not good enough • of constantly comparing ourselves • of regurgitating events - what we should have, could have, might have, said or done • of pity parties we attend in our head • of stories we keep telling ourselves and whoever will listen • either remaining silent OR inconsideration of others when we do speak up • of constant blaming and shaming of others in their mistakes (being human) without supporting them to get help and to change.

Everywhere, for those who feed on the media, in society hatred for others is promoted and encouraged, separation is enforced, fear is fed, and powerlessness, depression, health issues, are rife, in minds, in bodies we continue the conflict and move further from connection.

We see time and again, shame and victimisation which perpetuates the cycle of conflict and abuse – destroying connection. There seems to be an inherent need to persecute, judge, criticise blame or shame instead of empowering through education.

Is there a solution, can we eradicate this conflict and abuse? I believe so.

We only know what we have been taught and so many are uneducated, we are uneducated – we have NOT been shown another way, we have not been informed that what we have been witnessing is not normal, that it is not acceptable. There IS another way.

While most people look outside of themselves for solutions to their challenges and traumas, the answer IS inside us– self-respect, self-acceptance, self-appreciation, which creates respect, acceptance and appreciation of others and helps us all feel connected and through feeling connected we can collaborate, co-create and have deeper compassion for ourselves and others – this is when healing, in us and others, can begin.

There becomes no need to keep persecuting ourselves or others, there is a deep appreciation that there are so many different versions of truth, and only one is true and as humans we will never see that – for we only see through our own perspective and experience.

We are all human + all make mistakes, yet often are so quick to persecute others without consideration or any effort to mend the trauma behind those.

Now IMAGINE, if each person became more aware of how their thoughts, words and actions make them feel? – do they feel connected, safe, respected, accepted, and appreciated OR judged, fearful, and powerless?

AND if each person became aware of the effect of their actions are on others – just imagine. We would be far less judgmental and critical of ourselves and others, less quick to blame or shame ourselves or others.

Because we want connection, to feel safe, respected, accepted and appreciated, and it makes us feel so good, we would choose more and more to quit the judgment, blame and criticism then we would realise the cycle of conflict and abuse CAN be broken.

Comments

Leave your questions here

To write a comment you must
or
Emma Gardner
May 13, 2021

Thank you so much!

Erena Oliver
May 12, 2021

Thank you so much for your supportive and encouraging words and for your question. Sometimes where there is narcissistic patterns very little, if anything can be achieved apart from getting out…however I DO believe in miracles and hope was the only thing that drove me to at least try in my own relationship. What I understand from my journey is that at least if the relationship cannot be transformed, then at least I can be and that I will not make the same choices I have made that attracts others to abuse me. So YES I do believe she could understand what is happening and then choose what she wants to do about it. However how this impacts her husband is unseen. We cannot change another, we can only change ourselves, AND if the other wants to hang around then that is a bonus as he will have made some changes too…If he is not willing to embrace our changes then he will ship out. I hope this helps.

Emma Gardner
May 12, 2021

Wow, that article is absolutely lit and helpful! I think you are a great professional so I need your advice. Here is the thing, my friend is well aware of conflicts and abuse, she never hurts anyone and always cares about the feelings of other people. Therefore, she became an easy target for her abusive husband. They have huge problems because of his behavior, manipulations and accusations. She understands what is happening, but she cannot fix anything herself, since her husband does not want to hear anything about the fact that something can be wrong with him. He immediately becomes angry and does not allow even the possibility of ordinary conversation. It really hurts me to see how he treats her. Do you think the consultation will help her understand how to behave and get her husband to talk? Will it help her to understand what to say? Is it possible in the future to gradually force him to go for a consultation together? And is it possible in principle to fix it or is it a lost battle beforehand?

Services
Category filter
Concern filter
Type filter
Sort
 
All categories
Shamanic Healing
$10 USD
Light the Path to Your Desired Life

If you want find what is that in life that makes you happy and fulfilled you need to heal all levels of your existence- Body, Mind, and Spirit. We are all ener…

Change Naturopathy
New Zealand flag icon
Emotional Freedom Technique
$10 USD
The Power Of Emotional Healing - EFT Program

“The Power of Emotional Healing” is energy psychology education in the Emotional Freedom Technique with the perfect balance of information, instructions, video…

Dawn Cady
Australia flag icon
Art Therapy
$50 USD
Artist Teacher Workshop Or Tutoring

“Life Force” guiding our history, our body and spirits. Self portrait art, life drawing from the live model, gesture, and plein air painting. And extended cont…

Bryan Prillwitz
United States of America flag icon
Tarot Reading
$100 USD
Timeline Reading

EGYPTIAN TAROT READINGS using unique methods developed by Nelise Carbonare, a Brazilian healer with more than 40 years of experience in tarot consultations, as…

Nelise Carbonare
United States of America flag icon
Tarot Reading
$120 USD
THE SYNERGY OF THE PYRAMID

THE SYNERGY OF THE PYRAMID focuses on a specific relationship: One side for the consultant and one for their partner. (the partner does not need to be present …

Nelise Carbonare
United States of America flag icon
Tarot Reading
$10 USD
Pick one card

Many questions can be answer with just one Arcane.

Do you want to try?

Nelise Carbonare
United States of America flag icon
Personal Development Coaching
$50 USD
Spiritual Coaching - Removing Energy Blocks - Expansion

> “Who looks outside dreams. Who looks inside awakens.” Jung

Spiritual coaching is about moving you into a profound state of empowerment and involution m…

Kimla Rose (Kim Desrosiers)
United States of America flag icon
Life Coaching
$10 USD
Life Purpose and Soul Wisdom

What is your deeper truth, your deeper knowing, your MOJO, your deepest desires, those feelings that you can’t explain but that are so pure and so clear…or may…

Anna Beale
United States of America flag icon
Wellness Coaching
$10 USD
Your Missing Manual for Health & Life!

Are you constantly reading books, blogs and listening to podcasts trying to figure out what to do to be healthy?

With so much conflicting information out ther…

Pamela Malo
United States of America flag icon
Nutritional Therapy
$150 USD
Nutritional Therapy Consultation

Hi my name is Aria and I am the founder of Heal with Nutrition. I am a registered Nutritional Therapist and a Naturopath who has a passion on Nutrition and Hea…

Aria Alexandrou
United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland flag icon
Tarot Reading
$10 USD
THOTH AND HERMETIC DECKS READING

With a deep knowledge of hermeticism and being introduced to the kabbalah tradition of the emanation process from the tree of life, I provide a deep insight co…

James Marchiori
Ireland flag icon
Personal Development Coaching
$55 USD
The Bridge to Your Desired Life

This is were you get real help with your struggles and life challenges. As life gets harder to cope with, we tend to look for external ways to get through. And…

Mina Mikhail
United States of America flag icon
Naturopathy
$10 USD
Intake Consult

short introduction consult to Integrative Medicine

Femke Neervoort
Netherlands flag icon
Career Coaching
$300 USD
Reset Coaching and Mentoring Programme

12 weeks of bi-weekly 90 minutes 1:1 Coaching and Mentoring. Total cost USD1800 (6x90minutes career coaching and mentoring session)

Are you returning to work …

Carla Martins
United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland flag icon
Personal Development Coaching
$120 USD
Spiritual Life Coach Session-Personalized Session

Personalized Sessions

Because Everyone Is Unique

Client-centered sessions based on the area of focus requested by the client.

Each session is a LIVE Sessio…

Deborah Lucero
United States of America flag icon
Reiki
$55 USD
Guidance, Inspiration & Healing

This type of session is a favorite among many of my clients, as it is often times one of the smoothest way to address a challenge to reach a happier and health…

Mina Mikhail
United States of America flag icon
Mediumism
$10 USD
Psychic Readings

I specialize in love, past present future, future, past life, general, tarot, dream interpretation, specific, social, and career readings! Book today for clari…

Holly
United States of America flag icon
Life Coaching
$399 USD
1-on-1 Coaching

The journey started with our discovery call, and You decided: ” I’m ready! Let’s do this!”.

We will engage in 1-on-1 coaching sessions for 90 minutes. In this…

Carla Martins
United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland flag icon
Ascension
$88 USD
Ascension Mentor Support

In this session, we come together with similar to a healing session but face to face.

We talk about what issues you are facing at the moment and we delve deep…

Claire C.
Australia flag icon
Spiritual Healing
$177 USD
Energy Healing

I am honored to assist you with intuitive channeled energy healings that support and nurture you on a physical level as well soul and energetic level, each ses…

Claire C.
Australia flag icon
Reiki
$375 USD
Usui Reiki 1st Degree Course

FIRST DEGREE COURSE - The ultimate Reiki course.

Have you ever wondered if you can heal? Have you felt a burning desire to help others? Then you’ve come to th…

Step Into Your Light - Christina Moore
United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland flag icon
Life Coaching
$10 USD
Hand Analysis - Startup Session

What does a hand analysis do for me? ​

You will understand yourself and your life purpose. ​You will understand the roots of your triggers and reactionary be…

Brent Bruning, Master Hand Analyst
Switzerland flag icon
Shamanism
$10 USD
Sample Akashic Records Reading for Your Burning Issue

I connect to your Akashic Records and listen to what your guides want to bring to your conscoius attention at this time. Perhaps, it is an insight into why you…

Olga Aydınoğlu
Turkey flag icon
Shamanic Healing
$300 USD
Shamanic Healing Art

What is Shamanic Healing Art?

It is a physical artwork (usually a pastel drawing) I make for you based on the outcome of our online session. This artwork will…

Olga Aydınoğlu
Turkey flag icon