Blessings Joan. I totally understand what you are going through. When you have worked hard to get where you are and look around at your achievements and the smile falls from your face when you realize you are not where you want to be, it can be very disheartening. I usually find that this is caused by not listening to the hints and suggestions that Universe has been sending. We as humans have a tendency to think that we know best how to guide our own destiny and forget that we come from the higher power that still has access to the big picture. In our human form we give up the instant access and must work to reconnect. There are several ways to do this. If you would like I can help you to work through this and find your best way to reconnect.