There is a term in psychology called "cognitive distortion." This is when your mind convinces you that something is true when it isn't. I call that the mind’s battlefield, and it can be a dangerous place to be.These thoughts are inaccurate and reinforce negative thinking. This is a problem because there is a direct link between what we think and how we feel.
If your thoughts are generally negative, your mind has become infested with untruths.
This means — you may be dooming yourself, and your relationship before it even has a chance to grow.
Of course, we all have an internal dialogue and sometimes misread our partner, which can set the tone of conflict in your relationship. I will address ten things that can have a negative impact on your relationship.
Assuming the worst.
Your partner may not do things like you, but that does not mean your partner is wrong or misguided. Assuming something will go wrong will help the wrong be manifested in your relationship. Love will not grow in an antagonistic relationship, but resentment will.
Make your partner responsible for your feelings.
We all know how to soothe the savage beast in us if we want to. It is nice if your partner does something to comfort you; it is not your partner’s responsibility to do this. Do what works for you. That might be a bubble bath, keeping a journal, or listening to certain music, to name a few.
Do not make a mountain out of a molehill.
Just because the compliment was not what you expected does not mean anyone has slighted you. A compliment is a compliment, and whether it is excellent vs. good should be fine. Interpreting someone’s tone of voice or writing can be a mistake, and assigning meaning to what someone says is always a mistake. Again, we cannot read minds.
The truth is that no one is better than the next, and the same rules apply to us all. Just because you may have a more demanding job than your partner does not mean you have no responsibility for housework or parenting. For instance, if your partner does not work outside the home does not mean you can come home and make a mess and leave it for your partner to deal with.
Expect life to be "fair" according to your playbook.
This is a fairytale, and nothing is consistently fair in a relationship. My pet peeve is parents who think caring for their child is babysitting. For example, "I watched our child all day on Saturday; now you can watch our child all day on Sunday." This will eventually cause resentment.
Thinking your opinion is the law.
Everyone’s needs are different. If you fail to have an open mind about your partner’s issues, you are saying those needs do not matter to you. For example, ignoring your partner's emotional needs or complaining that they are too needy is unacceptable.
Having overly high, unrealistic expectations.
Do not expect your partner to read your mind. And do not set unrealistic expectations. No one is 100% 24 hours a day, and perfection is unrealistic.
Labeling at first sight.
You may not like your partner’s friends when you meet them, but labeling them at first sight, is not suitable for your relationship. If you do not like or approve of your partner’s friend, you can expect your partner to become both defensive and resentful.
Take responsibility for your actions.
Stop blaming your partner for everything that goes wrong or is not up to your expectation. Accept responsibility for your actions and decisions.
Refusing to enjoy the journey.
There is nothing wrong with having fun with your partner, which is essential to a growing relationship. A relationship void of joy and laughter can become a dying relationship.
We have all made some of these mistakes, and it is okay. But now that you know better, you can do better.
Now go out there and do it.
Absolutely needed this. Thank you for the reminder, Valorie!