Live, breathe, sleep the relationship with yourself.
Ask yourself what are you struggling with right now and how can I get around that and the feeling of dread every time I wake up in the morning. Do you know what, I suffered with this to, the dread of getting up and going to work because we had something huge coming in that I needed to put all my might into it just to get through the day.
I know exactly how you feel. Its not a nice feeling. On top of that I struggled with thoughts of people thinking she's not good enough to do this job or she's not good enough to be my friend. Do you know what, that all this was in my head, no one thought that (or if they did so what) and its only just these past 2 years where I have gone sod it, this is my life, I am not getting consumed by people telling me what to do or telling me that they don't like me or that I am not good enough. So what if they think that, I'm going to live my life how I want to. It wasn't until I let go of all those friendships that were toxic (I couldn't see they were toxic at the time) but something just clicked in me and I wasn't going to be the person everyone just bossed around anymore. I wasn't going to be the shy person I was, because I am bigger than that. I respect myself so much that I just got rid of people who weren't in my aura anymore. They were just jealous of my life, of how successful I am and that I have a nice family and nice home and a great relationship.
This is when I learnt to love myself and when I did do this, things started to change dramatically. I knew a lot of it was in my head but I didn't know how to control it, so I started writing down how I felt and by doing this, it released all the self doubt. All the negative thoughts I was having. To the outside I was happy smiley Gemma but inside it was really upsetting me. But I thought its not worth wasting my time and energy anymore and when that clicked, my whole world shifted. By writing down my thoughts, I was able to see a lot clearer and have more space for the time I spent with people who really cared about me and who I cared about. It wasn't consuming me anymore. So take a good look at the people who you are friends with and see which ones are toxic to where you are in your life right now. Say to yourself I am strong enough to get through this and by having this person in my life, its not good for me. Phase them out of just say this isn't working anymore and really then let go. You've both got to be invested in the relationships or friendships it not just one sided. Also meditate on it. If it doesn't feel right, then get rid of it.
Another huge thing for me is that I wasn't confident enough to just be me. I thought I was the shy one so why would anyone want me to change but you just get to a point in your life when you want more. we aren't on this planet for very long so really you need to find your being and go for it. Find your calling in life, whether that's working where you are now or finding what you love to do and go for it. For me I always wanted to be a veterinary nurse and be the caring person. I never was drawn to become a vet. I wanted to care more than fix so I did that. A vet wanted me to go onto a healing area of the veterinary profession which I always umm'd and erred about but so many people had commented throughout my career and how much I had an aura about me that their animal would just come and sit by me or would trust me. I remember this cat who was so vicious no one could get near him but he let me and the owners were so shocked. To me, I've always had a calm aura about me so that's when I changed career paths to become a healer and leader to heal yourself from within. I love this job and healing just comes so naturally to me.
I want you to feel happy in your own skin and its so huge right now that not that many people are. Its really sad. The mind is such an incredible tool for you to use. Its right there and its free. You just need to retrain it to think differently and for it to start caring for you and looking after you only. Only then when you are 100% connected with yourself, you can then start to love others. But it needs to come from a place of I want this now. I need to change for the better as this is ruining my life and I want to change. So by doing all these things you will start to feel a shift in how you feel and think. Journaling, meditating, moving your body in any way, nutrition will all help you to overcome the negative feelings you have within yourself and you can then start to regrow from within.
Its not a quick fix like we'd all like but if you are willing to put the work in and change for the better then you will see a totally different more confident, more resilient, don't care kind of girl and that's who you want to be, not the shy person who hides away right now.
You've got your uniqueness about you that no one else has and you are here for a purpose. You need to fulfil that purpose and find out what it is. What lights you up and gets you out of bed in the morning. Leave a comment below and tell me what lights you up or what would you like to light you up. What do you get happy about? What could you give your all to?
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