Being a good human doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be a “good girl” (or good boy!) I would even argue that being a perpetual good girl or good boy can actually stand in the way of your being a good human.
Sound crazy? Let me tell you why.
Being a good person involves honesty, authenticity and integrity (at least IMHO). And if you’re trying to please others or doing things simply to please others and secretly feeling resentment or annoyance over “having to do” whatever that thing is - you’re not acting from a place of honesty, authenticity or integrity.
To be clear - none of this is your fault.
When that happens chances are you’re acting from life-long programming that you may not even know is there. And that programming is reflective of what others have told you is the “right” thing to do and how a good person “should” behave.
But a part of you recognizes this to be false. Which is why you get that feeling of irritability, stress and annoyance. It’s also why you get a knot in your stomach when you do things out of obligation instead of true, authentic desire. (that part of you is your true voice by the way - and it’s trying to make itself heard)
You’re not the only one that was fed that programming by the way. But when that programming is still running the show, it can affect all of your thoughts, choices and decisions, and sometimes in ways that can keep you stuck in patterns of self-punishment and self-denial.
And the impact isn’t limited to your own life - it spills over into your interactions with others often influencing how they show up as a partner, a parent, a friend and even as an employee (or leader for those of you who are entrepreneurs). And while the scenarios may be different, the patterns are usually the same - overgiving, under-receiving and a complete lack of boundaries.
Over time, that “spillage” can lead to burnout, exhaustion, and lack of fulfillment coupled with a profound sense of loneliness from feeling unseen, unheard and unappreciated.
Which is exactly where I was a little over 10 years ago..when I was letting my own “good girl” programming run the show. And it wasn’t until I rejected the concept of who I thought I should be and fully embraced the woman I already was that I was able to step into the woman I wanted to become - or to put it more accurately - continue becoming. Because the truth is, that woman was already part of who I was.
I had just lost my connection to her.
As so many of us do when stepping into roles we think we need to play based on our cultural, familial and societal programming.
But it’s never too late to re-establish that connection. Or to become the woman you've always known you were meant to be. You don’t have to settle for a life that doesn't feel true to who you are. Or a life that leaves you feeling trapped in satisfying other people’s
expectations while ignoring your own.
You get to live a life that lets you feel free. A life that lets you be true to yourself and absolutely sure that you’re on the exact path that you were meant to be on. And you don’t have to change your whole life or sacrifice everything you've worked so hard for up until now to make that life your reality.
You just have to be willing to let go of the things that no longer serve you so you can make room for more of what you want. That means knowing how to recognize and release the past programming that may be keeping you stuck and preventing you from taking steps towards your ideal life. And repairing and reclaiming the relationship you have with yourself which is truly the most important relationship you will EVER have.
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