1️⃣ You have a hard time holding clear and consistent boundaries.
2️⃣ You feel guilty saying no when others ask for your help, even if it means putting your own needs to the side.
3️⃣ You feel even guilder asking others to meet your needs.
4️⃣ You get easily hurt if people don't appreciate or validate you.
5️⃣ You pretend things don't bother you just to avoid conflict.
Do any of those resonate with you? You’re not alone if they do! As a former people pleaser myself, I know what it’s like to put constant pressure on ourselves to not disappoint other people, always be there for our friends and constantly avoid upsetting others - even at the cost of our own happiness and sanity!🥺
In some ways, it can even become addicting to put the needs of others before our own. Especially when it helps us avoid our own pain by placing all of our focus on others!
But in the long run, the pain will be back - and you’ll be a lot more exhausted when it does. And not to mention that over time, all that people pleasing can tear apart your self esteem and leave you feeling angry and resentful towards the very people you were working so hard to please.🤷♀️
Here’s 4 things you can do right now to break the people pleasing pattern:-
1️⃣ Learn to say NO to anything you don’t actually want to do. Doing things out of obligation builds resentment and isn’t coming from your heart anyway - so just say No and don’t feel the need to explain why you’re saying No. No is a full sentence.
2️⃣ Get rid of the need for external validation and become your own biggest cheerleader. At its root, people pleasing stems from a need for validation. Instead of relying on others for validation - find it within yourself.
3️⃣ Ask yourself why you are trying to please others. The more aware you are of the reasons behind your behavior, the easier it becomes to recognize it - and release it.
4️⃣ Be ok with rejection. People who are used to the people pleaser version of you may get pissed off when you’re no longer bending over (backwards or forwards) for them. And they may even push you away because of it. You are not responsible for managing their feelings. You’re only responsible for your own. And that means making your own feelings a priority.
It’s never too late to start living life on your own terms. You deserve just as much happiness as others. Now go claim it😉
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