This Is Not Supposed to Happen!


Gary Merel
Core Spirit member since Mar 21, 2023
3m read
·Apr 29, 2023

For a 69-year-old man, I am in reasonably good shape. I regularly do 30 to 40-mile bike rides 3 to 4 days a week. Add to that some rigorous hiking in the foothills of Tucson. I had been noticing that over the course of the last 2 to 3 months, my endurance began to diminish. It is customary for my girlfriend and me to ride to breakfast on most Sundays. Last Sunday, she offered to buy me breakfast. A free breakfast is an incentive for me to agree to almost anything. It is a 10-mile ride to the restaurant and a 10-mile ride home. The ride to the restaurant was a bit of a challenge. I could not make the ride home. I was exhausted. My energy reserves were depleted. I was concerned and a bit worried. It was unlike me not to easily ride that distance. Coincidentally, I had an appointment with my PCP the following Tuesday for my yearly physical. I received a call from my PCP office Wednesday afternoon saying that I needed to go to the ER immediately because of a severe case of anemia. I was informed that my hemoglobin was 6.7. The normal range for a man my age is 14 to 17.2 grams per deciliter (g/dL). It was no wonder I was so exhausted. Seven hours and two units of blood later, I felt pretty good. I am scheduled for several medical procedures to figure out the cause of the anemia.

This is not what I was expecting at this point in my life. Like WTF. I take care of myself. I meditate and pray. I eat well. I have a great relationship with my family. I have an amazing community of friends. I am a good person. I honor my agreements. I always try to live with integrity. I did not deserve this.

When I was informed that I was severely anemic, my immediate reaction was self-pity. I was worried and concerned for my well-being. I felt betrayed by my life and concerned that everything I based my life on was based on pretense.

After my panic subsided and I regained a sense of well-being, I could feel that in today's fast-paced world, it's easy to feel lost and overwhelmed by the constant changes happening around me. But amidst the chaos, I need to remember that my life is not just happening to me; I have the power to shape my life and make it meaningful.

At the heart of this pursuit for meaning lies awareness. Being truly aware means taking the time and effort to fully sense the world around me rather than being distracted by the endless stream of activities and technology that can consume our attention.

Each of us has our own unique path to discovering the meaning of our lives. We can't rely on others to tell us what's meaningful or expect the truth of our being to reveal itself without effort on our part. We must actively seek out and connect with our true nature or core essence, which lies beyond our thoughts and emotions.

As I become more aware of myself and my connection to others and the world around me, I start to see patterns and insights that help me string together the bigger picture of my life. With this newfound awareness comes the ability to find deeper meaning and purpose in everything I do, leading to a more joyful and authentic existence.

Amidst the chaos and uncertainty of life, I remain open to Grace and the gift of my life.

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