The painful lesson behind narcissism
Jul 24, 2021

If you asked me years ago what it meant to love someone, I would have told you that it means to abandon yourself completely and let the other person take advantage of you. All the while you feed them grapes.
No, but on a little more serious note, it wasn't far from that.
Lately, everyone has had their eyes open to narcissism. Like it was the disorder of the year, I don't like to call it disorders since it limits the potential of the person. And it bothers the hell out of me that we demonize narcissistic people. Not because they aren't abusive, not at all. But because yet again we humans create a scapegoat someone to blame and with that we miss out on the opportunity for self-awareness. From my observation narcissism and co-dependency are the common relationship style today just in different degrees of course.

Again don't get me wrong, I grew up with self-centred people and spent my life figuring out how to heal the pain of a lost and abused self. A journey I am still on and knowing I am far from the only one makes it even more important.
And many times the co-dependency and narcissism overlap each other. If you become aware enough you will clearly see that in some relationships you are acting co-dependently while in others it is reversed you become the narcissistic one. The universe functions like a mirror so this shouldn't be surprising.
For example, you had a narcissistic partner. You manage to decide to leave the relationship (or trap to be more exact). Naturally, there will be a period of deep healing, and that means feeling all of your feelings. The good, the bad and the ugly. This is crucial in processing all your hurt emotions. The issue I have seen is being stuck in this phase. And it is liberating realizing what you just went through is abusive and you blame the other person because you were victimized. After a while, you will start to feel powerless again. You come to understand the pathology of narcissism, you understand this person is not going to be saved by you and it was never your job to save anyone. And that my friend will piss you off even more. Here we enter a slippery slope. One crucial thing I learned early on, was that the co-dependant fills a need by being with the narcissist. They fit like the glove, both are looking outside themselves for a sense of self.

The healthy thing to do when you are ready is to take the laser focus you put on the narcissist and turn it around on yourself. It is crucial to start asking ourselves the hard questions of why? All the why's. Why did I feel this was the only love I deserve? What deep wound of rejection and abandonment have I been trying to run away from?
What feeling is underneath the anger? Why am I letting their actions (or lack of actions ) mean something about me?
When you dig deep enough to come to the bottom of your wounds you also choose to not be controlled by it anymore but to face it. See, co-dependency has the same wounded self that a narcissistic person does. The difference is that the co-dependant person will get their needs of approval met by being the "good guy".
This takes you out of the victim vibration and into empowerment. It is signalling that you are ready to grow.
None of us would find ourselves in a narcissistic situation unless we experienced a similar dynamic in our childhoods. Remember, we only attract the love we think we deserve. When we encounter someone who reminds us of the way we were treated and felt when we were children, we assume this is love.
The work begins in that land of awareness where you are confronted with the messed up message most of us got growing up. That we are unworthy and inadequate just for being who we are. These are stories we have bought into for far too long.
So, to make it simple and to the point, here are some tips I collected along the way that can help you out and these can be applied whether you feel co-dependent or narcissistic since the core wound is the same.

  1. Let yourself FEEL. All of it, the confusion, the misery, the panic, the gaslight oh my. Let yourself pour out into a safe container. You see, the ones of us suffering from these kinds of attachments emotionally handle things like toddlers. We were never shown how to process and express our feelings in a mature way. Guess why? Well raised by narcissists so it was toddlers raising toddlers. Yes, that should scare you. It sure as hell scares me.
  2. Make self-love your best friend. It is hard to know where to start with self-love since society teaches us to be selfless. So naturally, we have the belief that loving ourselves makes us selfish. That is the biggest lie ever told. Self-love is like filling up a cup, so much that it spills over. It is a genuine extension of your love and not just coming from a void of fear and unfulfilled emotional needs. Take time to approve of yourself every day, raise your self-esteem and there are many ways to do that. Please surround yourself with gentle people you trust that can support you through this journey. If you find you don't have anyone like that, please know they will show up and now is the time to be kind to yourself so take advantage of the internet and connect with strangers! There are millions of people going through the same thing and communities online are incredibly healing.
  3. Learn about your attachment style. Our attachments are formed in early childhood. Specifically in our infancy. Going through all of them would be an article in and of itself. And I am not a psychologist just someone with a lot of experience and curiosity. Instead, I will list them. There is plenty of information out there about them.
    Secure attachment style
    Anxious attachment style
    Avoidant attachment style
    Fearful-avoidant / disorganized attachment
  4. Creating secure attachment requires building a healthy sense of self, and that means strengthening your self-esteem. Growing up we learned to play it safe and keep ourselves small. Hating ourselves was a way to adapt. We need a big dose of self-acceptance and approval. There are again many ways to do this. Writing a list of all the things you like about yourself would be one example. As you do this watch yourself start feeling bigger, like all of a sudden you are sitting up taller. The thing is we are all unique, sure this world ushers us to be just like everyone else but the truth is, you are not like everyone else. No one is. Every one of us carries a spark that is infused with our unique qualities and getting in touch with that improves the relationship with ourselves and in turn, improves all the other relationships we have in life.
    Having a secure attachment means having a safe base to fall back on.
  5. Compassion and forgiveness. Do not by any means rush this process. Many times we want to be seen as good people, both by ourselves and others and this can be particularly true when it comes to us in the spiritual community. But spirituality isn't about being the good guy and eradicating the bad guy. it's about realizing that under the right circumstances we can all be the bad guy, and these roles will change many times in life depending on the situation and person at hand. People that are deeply narcissistic or co-dependants are that way because of trauma. They did not wake up one day plotting how to make life hard for people or themselves. Again, this part of the process should never be rushed, you can strive to get there but you will know when you are mature for it. Forgiving yourself can many times be harder than forgiving another person. Let yourself grieve.
    With that being said. We are all humans that get hurt and hurt others. It really is like the saying goes "hurt people hurt people" Anybody can and has the capacity to change and grow no matter how toxic or self-sacrificing you are, it just takes bravery to face reality and then a conscious choice to do something about negative patterns. Avoid getting in the trap of thinking you can change somebody, you can't. What you can do is make someone aware of something but what they do with that is totally up to them. Life is too short to be reliving old negative patterns set up in our childhoods so decide today you will be brave enough to try another approach and the world will thank you.

Leave your comments / questions for this practitioner

To write a comment please
or
Services
Category filter
Concern filter
Type filter
Sort
 

All categories

Spiritual Healing
$49 USD
consultation
Meet Your Spiritual Consultant: Healing, Insights & Growth [Discovery Call]

> Connect with your Higher Self.
> Remember who you are.

~ Mateusz Bajerski, Spiritual Consultant

Overview

This is a Discovery Call of 45 minutes. We will create a safe space in order to connect with your heart and listen to what your heart has to share—heart coherence—when it comes to what you're looking for in your healing, growth and expansion, bringing you in alignment with your soul journey while your life is shaped and re-shaped in the face of uncertainty. During this same call, intuitive insight will be provided and a grounding technique in relation to what you're going through will be taught: this will enable us to know each other better.

A healing, insights and growth plan proposition will be shared, drawing from hypnotherapy practices to build a stronger bridge to your Higher Self, your own source of limitless power and knowledge as you move with the ebb and flow of life.

Does it suit me?

Are you looking to be better attuned to your True Spiritual Self and learn about the mosaic of your Soul as you face the uncertainty of life? Are you looking to grow, expand and access your limitless inner power and knowledge?

Are you looking to collaborate with a Spiritual Consultant along this journey of accelerated ascension?

Benefits

The benefits of spiritual healing, growth and expansion incorporating hypnotherapy allow total transformation, connecting you to your own source of wisdom and limitless knowledge—your Higher Self.

✓ One-on-one sessions virtual or in-person
✓ Blocks of 1h to 1h30
✓ Bridging the gap between the spiritual and the physical planes

Session

You can expect:
✓ The spiritual consultant to personally be present with you throughout, including the follow-up
✓ Learning the heart coherence technique
✓ Being in an alpha state of consciousness—relaxed state
✓ Learning a grounding technique
✓ A healing plan proposition drawing from hypnotherapy practices to be shared

Disclaimer: Please note that the effective attunement to an expanded state of consciousness is a practice that is sustained in order for our brain to create new neural pathways. It is possible to nurture long-lasting and permanent positive outcomes with targeted hypnotherapy over a sustained period of time.

Preparation

Breathe in deeply and exhale slowly five times. Set your intentions. Please ensure you are sober.

About the spiritual consultant

Mateusz Bajerski, BA Philosophy, MA Cognitive Science, Dip. Hyp. HNWHP (PHPA), is a London-based spiritual consultant, incorporating hypnotherapy into his healing practice. Born in Częstochowa, Poland, he went on a soul-searching journey across Europe before opening his practice in London, England. His travels were inspired by a deep self-questioning stage of his life marked by the passing away of his father and the depression that followed. Mateusz found self-forgiveness through an Ayahuasca ceremony.

A motorcycle accident in 2017 helped him re-align with his soul’s mission and led him to start his successful spiritual practice. He has guided 200+ individuals in connecting with their Higher Self to clear subconscious emotional blockages, opening a safe space for insights and growth, and equipping them with tools to self-regulate in order to consciously create a reality of their own.

With a BA in Philosophy and an MA in Cognitive Science, Mateusz Bajerski, Dip. Hyp. HWHP, is part of the Professional Hypnotherapy Practitioners Association (PHPA). He trained at UK’s Hypnotic World International Academy of Hypnotherapy–GHSC Assessed and Accredited. He was also a student of Dr Aleksander Daniłow, a psychotherapist in clinical hypnosis working with politicians, business people and actors. He trained at the practice of the renowned Dr Andrzej Kaczorowski, the author of “Conscious and Unconscious Self-Hypnosis: The Effective Therapy To Release Your Limitations,” “The Power of Hypnosis,” “Reincarnation And Hypnosis In Therapy,” “Hypnosis and Dreams,” “Reincarnation In Hypnotherapy” and “Reincarnation in Hypnosis.”

Mateusz Bajerski
5
Spiritual Healing
$69 USD
healing session
Energy healing session

Overview

Distance energy healings session provides you with better vibes after healing. I will clean you with energy from God/Universe. All tensions and obsticals will go away. Feeling better is always my moto. After this session you will feel better. Much better.

Target audience

Everyone who wants to grow their energy and be in better vibes.

Benefits

Feeling better and having better vibes in your body. You will feel like that you just came out of the water. Clean and refreshed.

Session

People feel different in session. Mostly they see light colours and feel light.

Preparation

Just be relaxed and calm down.

Other comments

NostraDamus0806
Spiritual Healing
$60 USD
coaching session
Spiritual Life Coaching

There is no coincidence that you have travelled so far in your journey to get to this point in which your soul wishes to get supported to facilitate your spiritual development.

Walking a spiritual path without any dogmatic conditions, yet an unknown ocean of higher and more purified energies, where you want to move forward from the ordinary to the extraordinary, might be overwhelming and confusing.

The good news is that You do not have to walk that path alone! My job as a Spiritual Life Coach is to help you walk the path with ease. I am here to support your personal evolution without any judgment or comparisons, as I understand that you are a unique soul.

If you are looking to reach higher levels of consciousness and understanding of your inner world with regards to your purpose and meaning in life, most definitely you have found the right hands and guide to serve you.

Spirituality is nothing else than gaining the awareness of your inner and outer energies, your relationship with yourself, others, and your external world.

As a coach, I assist you with:

  • Finding, your inner truth, re-inventing yourself and building a higher version of yourself.
  • Helping you to create or re-invent your spiritual experience in your own way, and in your own terms.
  • Supporting you while on your own transformational inner journey.

I help you obtaining results on:

  1. Overcoming mental self-judgements.
  2. Gaining self-respect.
  3. Eliminating negative self-talk.
  4. Healing what needs to be healed.
  5. Manifesting what you want to achieve.
  6. Experiencing higher estates of happiness, joy, and inner peace.
  7. Developing and practicing your own daily healthy rituals/habits.
Johann Strerath
5
Spiritual Healing
$115 USD
healing session
Energy Medicine Healing Session

If you've struggled with health symptoms and nothing seems to be working, it's time to find healing.

The body innately knows how to heal. Using medical intuition, I ask this part of you how to remove blocks keeping your health stuck. Stresses of all kinds disrupt our body's ability to heal. As we remove these stresses/blocks, the body can quickly and easily begin to heal and find the way to wellness.

By listening to the body and helping it get unstuck, we treat symptoms at the root cause - when we do this, the body quickly begins to heal. In as little as one to three sessions, major improvements can be seen.

Feel calmer, more peaceful, lighter as blocks are removed. Feel less pain, better digestion, less sickness, more movement.

In this energy healing session, blocks including the following are taken into account:
Karmic: Generational patterns, family patterns, past life/karmic imprints, and more.
Mental: belief systems, destructive thought loops, subconscious programming, trauma.
Emotional: stuck energy, coping mechanisms, inability to allow emotion to process/move, and more.
Physical: organs, glands, hormones, neurotransmitters, cells, epigenetic locks, and more.
Spiritual: cords connecting you to past traumas, difficult relationships, abuse, trauma, environmental triggers, and more.

With precision, I identify blocks and heal them, resulting in focused, effective, powerful, but gentle heart-centered healing.

Reclaim your health. Healing is possible.

30 minute energy medicine session.

Sarah Lascano

Related Articles

View All
Registered individuals enjoy all the possibilities of Core Spirit.