June 7

I LOVE Myself More

Since I could remember I've been a people-pleaser. I liked making others happy and smile. When I was at a very young age I learned that telling the truth usually got me in trouble and lying usually made the other person happy. Now in my later years I often wonder why that is. Why do people rather be told what they want to hear and not the truth for what it is? Eventually I stopped wondering and started paying attention to the actual reality of it- it's a form of coping. 

Most people don't like the truth for what it is, and on top of that if you do like the truth you're probably either a loner or you don't have a big circle of friends.  I used to have A LOT of friends in my life from different background and walks of life. Now I have 2 friends that live out of state and 3 friends that live in town. I only see 1 regularly. The difference between now and 5 years ago is that quality of people I allow in my life. Those who truly know me accept me for who I am and my rawness as a person and friend. 

While I'm still a people-pleaser, I've worked very hard on improving why and how I people please. I don't go out of my way anymore to do things for others. If it's a small thing that could help someone out or make their day a little better I will do it but I make sure I do something for myself first. If my cup isn't full I cannot put energy into filling someone else's cup. I don't look at myself as I need constant improvement because fact of the matter is I honestly don't see anything wrong with me on a personal level or how I operate with others. 

I personally feel I'm a great person. Sure everyone has flaws but the actions I make are from and with my heart. Not from a place of greed or selfishness. I also no longer do something just to be accepted or for someone else to be happy with me. 

Through all the life lessons people-pleasing gave me, I learned I love MYSELF more. I would rather pay attention to myself more than what someone else asks of me. I finally feel more myself than I ever have in the past. My thoughts are much more calmer and less stressful because I solely focus on myself and not what other's ask of me. I don't portray myself as perfect, while in the past I definitely tried to be.  When you love yourself more, life tends to be that much more enjoyable.

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