An Empath’s Journey Home
When Tracie first contacted me back in December 2017, her energy felt weak and battered, very unsure of who she was and clouded by negative feelings that were not her own. She felt lost and disconnected to her true self.
In her contact letter to me she wrote:
I have just listened to the interview you did with George Kavassilas from his website. You started the conversation with saying how important it is to understand the scenario you are born into. I have done much self-work, feels like a lifetimes worth yet the residue of this scenario still lingers.
It's an interesting scenario of my Mum not being able to love me for the first 6 months of my life. I am a twin and my sister was born 5 minutes before me and Mum always wanted a girl, due to her need to give a girl everything she never had as a child, healing her own abuse in her childhood. I have so much honour and love for my Mum, always have done. With losing her four years ago, my healing would have been her healing also. She was an empath too, she didn't understand herself to be one yet I would tell her she was. We walked a beautiful journey together, I hold no resentments yet can still to this day be affected by my childhood.
I have two older brothers as well as a twin sister. The love my Mum was unable to show shaped the family dynamics. I am not a victim nor a martyr here, just that the pain still lingers in many ways. I would love to book a session with you. I need to truly let go so I can be who I am. Thank you Robyn, that was a really beautiful interview with George. Real conversations
In our first few sessions, Tracie and I discussed her childhood and she was able to truly express her feelings and fears. I also taught Tracie tools to assist her in being an Empath, we talked about the different types of Empaths to enable Tracie to be clear about her gifts. I helped her to understand the energy of her emotions and how they affected her vibration along with the vast importance of self-care as an Empath.
At session number 5 we started the Inner Work where I took Tracie through a Rebirthing Process where she was able to witness her own birth scenario. This was very empowering for Tracie because she was able to pick up the missing pieces from her memory of the time.
While taking Tracie through the Rebirthing Process, she discovered that she chose her Mother because of unfinished business, for a direct experience of a soul split and needing to know the light. She choose her Father for his genes and genetics, bone (carbon structure), showing her the masculine, density of the world and understanding masculinity. Tracie chose to be born in the UK because of the darkness of the land, as she was to bring light to the darkness.
Tracie learnt that her birth scenario was designed to give her knowledge of her sister going first, heard her sister screaming after she was born, felt an emotional boom boom sound coming from her Mum. Trace felt her father’s emotions of how special and amazing it was to have twins. She could see the birthing room as being dark and cold. Tracie got that’s properly why she doesn’t like the cold. Tracie could feel her Mum was out of her body, felt her tiredness and could feel her Mum’s fear, lots of fear and thoughts of ‘how would I cope’.
The next day Tracie sent me the following:
There's so much to this experience that I had to just get it down. Tuesday was amazing, with what I got while speaking with you on the phone was for me, lots of information about my birth and after we spoke lots kept on coming. I think I must have only been around 3or 4 months old when the times were shown with myself in the cot. When my sister was never there, more feelings came about this. In the womb I knew I was growing with my sister. I knew that I wasn't alone, but when we were born, she was hardly at my side anymore. I missed my sister as a baby, being so close in the womb and then to be born where I would miss her being around. I feel these are the first moments of loneliness and separation I was to feel about this world. I do not feel in anyway a victim here, rather it's empowering to know. It's very relevant to the world in which we live in and I was to experience such feelings from birth.
**After witnessing her birth I asked Tracie to allow her Higher Self, on the way back to the present, if there were any other moments that she needed to look at:
More came to me about my brother. That I was picked up by my Mum to be fed and cleaned and just the practical things, and those first months most of the time was spent in the cot, in the bedroom upstairs. My brother hitting me over the head with his toy, I remembered the first shock of that, where I just screwed my face up as a baby and went to rub my head with the backs of my palms. I have been giving myself love during these moments and the self-love that remains is an energy that emits from me. When you speak of no protection or shields but rather a change in our frequency that helps us, this to me was that change in frequency. We live in a dense world and the love that emits in frequency kind of matches that density and goes beyond it, it is so huge.
The feelings of my brother hitting me over the head like that. I get why he is there, so I can heal parts of myself and the experience. I felt repressed anger, and it hit me like a shard in my stomach moving through to my heart. It's a feeling like drowning and not being able to get air. I played dead a few times in my childhood, exhausted from his beatings, so there are major reasons why he's come up. I never knew what I did wrong and Mum could not control him and I have scars, physical as well as emotional.
** During this process Tracie also gained a lot of awareness of what her mother was experiencing:
Something really beautiful happened before falling asleep the night after our phone call. It suddenly dawned on me that I agreed to be tucked at my Mothers back and grow there, and yes my Mother had no clue she was having me, yet in someway I agreed to that set up. So when my mother was in shock, maybe I was not separate from that, and how weird it was that I could possibly create body shock while being born?
Also remembering the nurse’s uniform. Back then there would have been a black uniform that had a red cross. I saw her taking care of my mother throughout. I felt her worry for Mum and the worry about myself being born. She may have been the midwife who named me. Mum had a name planned out for my sister if the baby was a girl. Neither Mum or Dad named me, it was the nurse. I came out of hospital Tracey. It added to the non-acceptance and confusion when I was a kid. I changed it to Tracie in my early twenties. To not have your own parents name you but a random nurse at the hospital who you will never see again, it's like being unclaimed in ways and no real identity. I am glad I have seen the nurse, she took great care of my Mum. Seeing Mum's struggle I feel she named me out of love for Mum.
It was a beautiful experience being back at my birth, I really did like it in the womb, so earthy, and it felt like I was being born into a universe at one point.
In our next session Tracie and I discussed the email she sent to me after our Rebirthing session, working through each point. It felt to me that Tracie held a lot of anger towards her brother for the physical abuse he did to her when she was a baby so I suggested that before our next session that she do some anger release work which entailed remembering how it felt and using her arms to express the anger by hitting pillows on her bed.
The following session we first discussed how Tracie was unable to do the anger release exercise to any great extent, she was able to vocally express her feelings towards her brother but felt uncomfortable about expressing it physically. She did tell me that she felt a ‘rage’ coming towards her then moving away and the physical discomfort accompanied by this.
We decided to have a session where I would assist her in healing this anger, and the rage. I informed Tracie how this process would work and asked her to give me the phrases that her family members would say to her as a child that caused her pain. She came up with a few phrases such as: “You’re bent, you’re crazy”, “You don’t belong here”, “You’re useless” and “You can’t do anything right”.
At the end of the session I asked Tracie to have a bit more of a think about her feelings around the anger and this is the email she sent to me before our next session:
I have managed to compile a list together of name calling from being a child. There were some very much still on the surface and some that I blocked out and had to find. I have been remembering how they were told to me, the scenarios of how they were spoken. I have been feeling the victim of other people's behaviours. Instead of having to fight against these feelings, like a survival coping mechanism, I am able to honour these feelings. My body aches as if I have just been beaten by my brother and I am remembering things I have forgotten and have been buried deep down inside. My stomach feels the pain of being kicked and kicked and my arms feel tired and bruised for the many times I covered my head and body. I am however honouring this space of feeling the victim all over again. I know I have to do this, the things that have been denied and buried down deep need to be uncovered and loved.
You're bent you are. You're useless. You're pathetic. Shut up! The milk man brought you. There's something wrong with you. Move! (I hate that word, that's all that my brother used to say, move out my way.) You're insane. You were dropped on the head when you were a baby. You're mental. Get lost we don't want you here. (Siblings used to say that to me, my sister and brother) Nobody loves you.
As I got older and reached adulthood some of those words would come with swear words which gave them more power. People outside family, people I have come across in life within relationships and friendships. The most recent one I have come across is "you are one of those special sincere people", "You need to look up schizophrenia", "You're too sensitive" and "Do you think you have a mental illness?"
Today has been about honouring the emotions from these words, allowing them in and feeling them. Not looking forward to Sunday but can recognise how good it could be for me. Thank you again for providing that safe place so I can do this.
The next session we got stuck into doing the Anger Release pretty quickly as I didn’t want Tracie to build up too much of a wall around expressing it as sometimes it’s actually the fear that if we start to express our anger it won’t stop that causes anxiety around expressing this basic emotion.
During the process I got Tracie to start hitting the pillows on the bed while I yelled out the phrases that she had found to affect her for most of her childhood. We did a few rounds of this then I got her to lie down on the bed and to relax and breathe while I softly spoke the words her spirit needed to hear at this time.
Tracie expressed her feelings of wonder at how she was feeling and also the feeling of power which is the flip side of anger. I suggested to Tracie that she take it easy of herself for the rest of the day and to let me know how she was feeling in the next couple of days and then I got the following email:
Wow! I can not find the words that could describe the kind of power that is felt. It's a power that is not felt in the mind or ego but is everywhere in my being. To live in a world where power is like a brutal force through a distorted masculine and feminine, finding my own power in this world has been hidden away. The closest emotion I could give to knowing your own power is LOVE.
When I was pounding the pillow, it was truly like opening a doorway and what was behind that doorway hit me. You were shouting at me but all I heard was my brothers and sister taking it in turns to say those things. Yet with each pounding of that pillow, I was able to claim back so much about myself. There was a breakthrough point in every round we went through, behind the experiences is light and that light is my power re-claimed back. It feels like inner peace.
What left me was immense. To have let go of what was around my womb was like letting go of years and years worth of suppression and attacks on my Divine Feminine. It represented my experiences in my childhood but also felt like eons of times worth of darkness. My entire reality is brand new. A re-birth and it is very physical. It really is okay that I had this trauma in my childhood, I have no shame attached today, this day and all days. When you gave me the permission to give it all back, I did so with power that belongs to me, like a self-love that has no room for judgments or even a justification, it's just right, the best thing I can do for all is just give it back as it really does not belong to me.
I mentioned to you I don't like confrontation. This means any kind of confrontation no matter how mild that can be, from a difference of opinion to healthy debates amongst friends. I found it very hard to find my voice and to set boundaries was something terrifying for me to do. There was something found within this inner work with you, an inner calmness, that it really is okay to be me! Due to the trauma I completely forgot underneath who I was as a child. I completely forgot who I was or how I used to be.
I am also feeling that after what I have been through these past weeks, what has truly been given back is my own power. My aunt Janet, always said it and still says it to this day, that my siblings have always been in their heads and I have always been in the heart. When she used to say this when young it used to create more separation, it totally confused me even more because I never knew why I would choose it to be this way.
I see my childhood as a soul lesson, it is not so personal, it's just global agenda after global agenda to keep our inner beauty and power well hid. Throughout this experience with you (I shed a tear here with huge, huge love), is that it has been everything I have needed for myself. When you spoke how important it is to remember your birth scenario, I recognized it on the surface level. Having spent time with you, being so brave as to truly look within, faced that shit and come out of the darkest and lost periods of my life. I know more of who I am now. I don't remember the trauma, I remember me. I am still processing, but this time I am not processing the trauma as such, I am taking on and processing who I am, my own power and what that feels like.
Yes, I feel wonderful, even though my body is still releasing from yesterday. In all honesty, it feels like the beginning of the rest of my life in many ways.
Knowing that *Tracie had to process so much I simply held space for her and received another email from her a couple of days later:
Something very deep in me has shifted. I feel it in my body, like a huge weight has been lifted. The weight I was carrying around with me all my life and I got used to carrying it and shaping me has now gone. Today I feel so light, I feel less afraid of who I am.
What has changed in me is that when the violence from my brother used to occur, I felt the other person’s pain. This used to drown out how I used to feel, I guess it would make me more of a victim in ways. Today, all that has shifted. The lies told about me growing up, they have vanished also. I don't feel it in my body or in doubts about myself any more. To go back and remember my birth and the issues coming from my brothers and sister, to just relive and have those words told back to me. Wow! I have never had the opportunity to release things in such away. To remember and tell myself my own truth about why I am here and choosing such separation so I can make myself whole. It's here were I can feel my own power.
My family see the difference, it's Wednesday and we have not been at home much, meaning to say it doesn't matter what interference, technology or whatever impositions happen in this city, it's not bombarding me as much because I have done so much remembering with you.
I feel due to the amount of stuff attached to me that has just been shifted, I am enjoying an unfolding. I knew there was something I had to do and face but couldn't do it on my own. When you opened up the conversation between you and George, I knew I didn't have to wait anymore for the real aid to shift what we did. I didn't realise I would come out of this knowing so much about myself. From my birth scenario remembrance, all that darkness been shifted. I could create something, anything I like and not listen to that doubt due to all those lies told to me growing up. I feel a lot fresher and more new.
Thank you Robyn for all that you do, wow! I do feel new and reborn in huge ways.
Thank you so much.
Much love and gratitude
I responded to this wonderful news saying how proud I was of Tracie, she was so brave. The following is the latest email I received:
My friends see the difference as well as my family, they are asking me what has changed. I am finding that I can be me and there really is no pressure. I am able to embrace life more due to what I have faced with meeting you and doing this work.
It was really everything that I needed. I know I am an empath but to go through what kind of empath and how I feel that through life was very beneficial. I have read articles on fb but everything felt so superficial and even though there was lots of information nothing really could give me answers.
Once we went through the types of empaths I felt I knew more about me, that it really is okay to feel the things I do.
Your work is very much needed globally. It's very real healing. I recognised that I needed some aid, but it needed to be real and not all love and light big business. When you shared your conversation with George on his website, I knew I could get the aid that I needed. The world would be a much more beautiful place if we all delved deep and remembered our birth scenario, to remember our own truth. Now that would really be the kind of breakthrough our humanity needs.
I know life and there is always some inner work to be done. It is a relief to find somebody I can really trust. Somebody who is very real. Phew!
I asked Tracie for her permission to write this article as a way of showing other Empaths how one can change the course of their lives and that it can take a short time as this journey took weekly session for less than two months.
Most Empaths come in to their physical body with little or no conditionings and pickup programs from their ancestral line. The Journey back home, back to being who you truly are as an Empath is not only empowering for you, it also raises the vibration of the whole of Humanity. What feels like an enormous amount of trauma can easily be healed and released and enables one to remember who they really are and why they are here. When I first met Tracie I felt her brilliance underneath the stuff, as it was just ‘stuff’ it wasn’t who she was, just energy stuck in her emotional body which was more than ready to be released. Just as there is ‘stuff’ stuck in the emotional body of humanity which is now more than ready to be released.
Robyn Iacuone is a Certified Life Coach with over 25 years of experience in the field of personal development. Robyn works in an intuitive and accepting way with a strong ability to read between the lines and guide her clients down the right path. Robyn teaches her clients the tools to empower their gifts as an Empath. This article is a collaboration between Robyn and Tracie. *Tracie’s writings have been edited for consistency and relevance.