January 9

Accepting the Male Inner Crone

Today I finally embraced her, whole heartedly, that deep wounded feminine part of me, carried down the ancestral line, unbeknown to me for many years of my life, pushed down, neglected and alone. I was scared of her hiding in my shadow with her long claw like hands and black pointed fingernails. Her growl. Her hiss. I pushed and pushed her away feeling attacked, frightened! What was this creature that remained stuck to me, why is she here and what does she want.

Meeting wounded girlfriend after girlfriend stuck in their own darkness, reflecting abuse, rejection, anger, frustration back at me, a bewildered young man, born to an abused mother. Not understanding the cycle, afraid to look in the mirror. Also feeling rejected, angry and alone. Why do I feel attacked by this entity, this witch! Help me! Help me! Alas to no avail could I run away from her and hide, no amount of light and healing and soul retrievals, power animals, reiki, emotional release, therapy, would release her from her prison. I retreated to my dark cave, immobile, stuck, hiding from the world and hiding from her.

I'm attacked again from the outside by a female online who I am trying to help and heal. She sends crazy messages and distorts my reality. Enough! enough! I scream and scream and shout, raging and releasing. Raging and releasing. Calm. Serene calm hits me and suddenly I call on my crone, I've had enough, I need her to be angry, I need her to be free. There she is I see her hands, her tongue speaks through me, her spells fly though the air. I will not tolerate any more abuse. I'm done. She is me, my soul part, my fragment, the jigsaw piece of my puzzle. I see it now, all so clear, all these years fighting, resisting. My inner crone.

I welcome her with love and acceptance, I ask what gifts she brings. She loves the night and embraces the darkness, and together we embrace the light too and become one. The two opposites of me, the world, the cosmos, the yin and yang, the sun and the moon.

Free at last.

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