Healing from Judgement
Healing is a returning home, of feeling wholeness. Sometimes, it means retrieving parts of yourself that were lost in trauma or emotional events.
I feel like this last week I have had numerous opportunities for healing pop up and I took the time to heal. I am sharing two of these experiences with you so you can know that self-healing is possible and hopefully from hearing my story you will gain some healing yourself.
Last week, a song came on the radio that reminded me of time in middle school I had almost forgotten when I was bullied about my looks. I got teased a lot of being tall, for dressing differently, for liking different TV shows.
Then, a couple days later I noticed a tightness in my solar plexus. I had been feeling a block arise that I thought I had healed before, the fear of judgement from others. New level, same devil, different clothes.
I used some subconscious mind techniques to get to the root of the feeling. It was interesting what popped up, another memory I had almost forgotten. When I was 14 and going through the court case tied to my sexual abuse, there was a hearing before the trail. The courthouse was packed and my mom, dad, our paralegal and I only had one place to sit. I remember having this same feeling sitting there waiting for our turn. I remember realizing that we were sitting right next to the mom and dad of my abuser, something our paralegal said was not supposed to happen, and the feeling got more intense. I just knew they hated me and I felt judged the whole time.
In both cases, I allowed the feelings to come up and I allowed myself to feel them, and sent them love. When memories or emotions arise, it is an opportunity to heal. When you have the tools for self healing you can take the opportunities that arise to heal in the moment.
In both cases, I didn’t run from the feelings, and once they had their say, I was able to see myself in those situations and was able to see them from a new perspective and the lessons these situations held. Then, I went back in a meditative/hypnotic state and found the parts of me that were lost in those moments, the fractured parts of my soul. I found the hurt teenager who felt judged and ridiculed for being herself and was able to comfort her and bring her back into myself, no longer denying these parts of myself that were ridiculed in the past, but embracing them.
The lesson I learned was it was their own life experiences, filters, their own lens that they see the world through that were projected on me in those moments and at some point I took them on as my own and started judging myself. I could also see that when we focus on those who reject us, we miss out on a whole lot of people who accept us completely. You get what you focus on. The next day a friend of mine told me that when you know deeply who you are, it doesn’t matter what others think. This just solidified the lesson for me.
This is just a sneak peak into the world of healing. It isn’t always pretty and it isn’t always fun but it is always powerful and a returning home to who you really are. I have not felt that feeling in my solar plexus since. I feel more at peace with who I am and sharing that.
The next time something pops up for you, try to take a closer look. Feel the feelings, send them love, and go back and imagine yourself giving yourself what you needed in that moment and reclaim yourself (and if you need support, I am always here). All healing is self-healing.