STEP #1: RECOGNIZE WHAT WASN’T WORKING FOR YOU
Are you spending a lot of time thinking about all the ways you screwed up in your relationship with your ex, but all the ways he was great?
Do you keep rehashing an argument, wondering if things would have been better if you said or did something different from the beginning with him, feeling guilty or bad that things didn’t work out?
Do you daydream about all the ways he was special, and how you’ll never find anyone who understands you quite the same way he did?
Romanticising or re-hashing the past is a pretty common thing many people do when they break up.
Don’t do this to yourself.
This is 100% sure to only make you feel MORE AWFUL, not to mention that it keeps you from focusing on what’s most important to you right now.
And that is learning how to get what you want and how to have the kind of relationship you deserve in the FUTURE.
When you focus on your ex too much, and you spend your time “pining away” for a relationship, you miss out on a very important lesson.
You stop seeing all the ways that the relationship made life a ROLLER COASTER for you.
You don’t realize all the ways he wasn’t right for you or made you feel less than your true self.
You don’t learn what it is your really want and need from a relationship in order to be fulfilled.
Let’s face it, you were led down some very negative emotional paths by this person, weren’t you?
So, instead of thinking only of the “good times” and how much you miss them, consider all the things they did and said that made you feel insecure, anxious or frustrated - feelings that one way or another probably contributed to the end of the relationship.
What can you learn about yourself, love and men from the things that drove you two apart, so that you’re sure to have a more intimate, loving and evolved relationship next time around.
STEP #2: STOP “LOSING YOURSELF” IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
You probably gave up a lot to be with your ex.
You gave up time with your friends and family.
You gave up doing things you USED to love doing things like reading, exercising, going on hikes, visiting art galleries, whatever.
You gave it up in order to spend time with them.
You gave it up to make them feel comfortable.
You gave things up because the RELATIONSHIP seemed important, and you wanted it to work.
Sure, I get it. Many people feel like they need to give things up to keep a partner happy and attracted.
But if you’re using that excuse to:
-Stay emotionally attached to them, because you feel that you can’t “get over them” easily since you gave up so much
-Feel too depressed to go out with your friends or get back to the things that used to make you feel alive and happy
-Refuse to “get back out there” and date someone new.
Then guess what you’re doing?
Yep, that’s right.
You’re STILL giving up more of you and your happiness for their sake. Even though they’re out of your life.
Have weeks, months or years gone by, and you’re still in the same “sacrificing” place, putting your life on hold instead of realizing your own needs?
Snap out of it!
You are actually continuing the very thing that helped break your relationship apart, and made you feel unhappy and unfulfilled.
STEP #3: BE READY FOR LOVE WHEN IT FINDS YOU
When you end a relationship that felt like it had a lot of “promise” and connection, it’s hard to believe you’ll ever find love again, at least in quite the same way.
You might even vow not to date again for a LONG TIME, because you just don’t want to get hurt again.
It can feel pretty safe to live inside the little “bubble” you make for yourself, just working on your career, spending time with friends, doing things that make you happy.
What do you need a man for anyway? (You think.)
You put yourself and your love life in a “holding pattern” because you don’t want to let another man in or get close.
You don’t want to be vulnerable. What’s the point, if all that’s going to happen is that you’ll end up feeling more of the same, bad feelings you’re trying to get over now - right?
I don’t agree.
Because if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll realise that you don’t want to shut yourself off from what can be the opportunity for an amazing, life-long experience.
That one great person you’re meant to be with could be out there right now. Unless you create the “space” for them in your life, you won’t be ready for love when it finds you.
Ok, you may feel pretty in-control and safe right now, but are you LIVING? If you’re not taking a risk, are you risking never feeling the LOVE and connection that could transform your life someday?
Nod your head right now if you feel even a GLIMMER of truth in what I’m saying.
And here’s another common thing I hear from people who aren’t ready to date again.
“There’s no good men out there for me anyway. The ones I’m attracted to aren’t attracted to me. Or they’re taken.”
I can see how you may feel that way if you’re not sure how you’re going to attract the RIGHT person.
Plus, your recent experience with men has been, well, less than great.
Here’s the truth about attraction: It’s not about being a great beauty, or about seducing a man into having feelings for you.
Actually, it’s about something deeper and more long-lasting. And the best part is, that once a man feels THIS level of attraction for you, almost nothing can keep him away from wanting to be with you.
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