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Connection before solution!

Mar 13, 2021
Vijaya Thota
Core Spirit member since Mar 10, 2021
Reading time 6 min.

Our sole purpose is to connect deeply with the child by understanding his or her feelings and needs deeply and without judgment.

As a parent, you are in charge of teaching another person how to live!And parenting is one of the most challenging tasks

Nonviolent Communication for Parenting and Families. It is also known as life-connected, life-serving communication. The importance of putting compassionate connection first to create a mutually respectful, enriching family dynamic filled with clear, heartfelt communication,

Our family is our first source of education about ourselves, about relating, and about the world.

The reason is that our families shape us, and they are usually our first experience of love and acceptance — and for some people, rejection and trauma. Become aware of our behaviors,un-resloved emotions, negative self- thoughts,and re-configure old, unconscious patterns that get in the way of the quality of connections. Sometimes discovering these old patterns is painful, and shifting them can take time.

How to Using Compassionate Communication in Relationships.

Nonviolent Communication Skills to Improve Family Relationships;Often, the work begins inside, with yourself.

There are five elements to the process of Nonviolent Communication. When experiencing disconnection from others, we can

use this list to see if all the elements are in alignment:

1. Consciousness – Am I self-connected? Am I expressing myself

honestly and vulnerably? Am I listening empathically? Am I valuing

the needs of others as my own? Am I committed to seeking

solutions that can meet everyone’s needs?

2. Thought – Is there judgment or blame in my awareness? Am I

angry or resentful in this moment as I engage with the other person?

3. Language – Are my words free of criticism and blame?

4. Communication– Is my non-verbal communication -tone of

voice and body language- congruent with my words?

It’s helps you become more conscious of your motivations and intentions — which means you are less likely to alienate your children.

Any framework that teaches children (and parents) to be empowered individuals, and to increase our emotional intelligence in the service of mutually satisfying relationships, is extremely worthwhile.

Using compassionate communication in relationships is simple, though it is not necessarily easy.

Self-Connection – We relate to ourselves and the world from a still

place within–a place of compassion, truth, clarity, and peace. To maintain


Honest Expression – We express ourselves vulnerably and without

criticism or blame. We reveal our feelings and needs and ask for what we

want, without demanding.

Empathic Presence– We listen to others with a silent mind and an

open heart.

The key to using Compassionate Communication in relationships consists of remembering three things:

Purpose, Intention, and Attention.

when you enter a conversation or are in an interaction, remember that the purpose is first to connect

When connecting with another, check your intention. —

Ask yourself

What do I want here? Is my intention to be right?

Am I willing to let go of being right and my preferred outcome in order to connect first?

Do I trust that once we connect we can together find a mutually agreeable outcome?

As you learn to be more authentic as well as compassionate, you can build the bonds of trust that can last a lifetime.

Beyond the roles “parent” and “child” are human beings yearning to love, be loved, be seen, and contribute. Using Compassionate Communication in relationships means being able to put our attention on feelings and needs, rather than on who’s right and who’s wrong. It means putting our attention on our own, and the other person’s, humanity in order to connect and find a way of being with each other that is mutually fulfilling.

This is how using Compassionate Communication in relationships teaches us to use purpose, intention, and attention to create deeper and more satisfying relationships.

Reframe how we express ourselves and hear others by focusing our consciousness on what we are observing, feeling, needing, and requesting.

Children are complete and whole human beings who happen to be at whatever growth stage and level of development they’re at. When you connect with your child and treat them respectfully as a human being, you also gain a level of trust that can last a lifetime.

Sometimes as parents it’s easy to focus on getting our children to do what we want. Unfortunately, that sometimes occurs at the cost of the long-term relationship.

By issuing requests rather than demands you demonstrate to your child that their needs matter, and you build long term good will.

When our interior resources are low — that we can tend to act in ways we later regret.Parenting is so challenging, that sometimes we forget that being a parental guide is not the same as being someone who bosses others around.

Diagnosing others: This includes judgments, name-calling, and criticism. Diagnoses also include assuming we know what another person is thinking, feeling, or needing.

Denying responsibility: This includes any language that implies that we lack choice. I had to. I had no choice. You made me. I can’t

Placing demands on others:In a demand, by definition, the other person’s needs do not matter equally to the person issuing the demand. The reason this hurts relationships is that, if I am on the receiving end of demands it communicates that my needs don’t matter.

The Benefits of Empathetic Communication Between Parents and Children.

Empathic communication means that we are listening to each other with empathy — full presence along with a quality of respectful understanding or compassionate understanding. (The other side of the coin implies that people are being open, vulnerable, honest — which really helps in order to have a high quality of connection!)

When we hear each other with empathy:

the emotional charge of difficult conversations is lowered,

we become closer emotionally,

we cultivate care and trust in relationships,

we increase the chance of more vulnerable honesty in the future,

we navigate through challenging topics in a way that is more likely to lead us to mutually agreeable solutions.

Building Healthy Family Relationships–

The tools are there, but you have to be willing to learn them, apply them, and grow in your skillful use of them.

Expansive is Your Emotional Vocabulary

Feelings and Needs We All Have. Feelings to help you better express a whole range of emotional states. They can also help you more easily connect to what you need in the moment.

Words we say next —Is change YOUR life.

Words such as good and bad prevent the listener from connecting easily with what you might actually be feeling. For example, if we say, “I feel good about that,” the word good could mean happy, excited.

Here’s how “the dance of connection” works:

  1. Person A speaks with honesty from the heart.

  2. Person B reflects back their understanding of what Person A said.

  3. Person A confirms they were heard accurately.

  4. Person B speaks with honesty from the heart.

  5. Person A reflects back their understanding of what Person B said.

  6. Person B confirms they were heard accurately.

Honesty means that you’re being real, transparent. When others can count on you — and when you can count on others — to speak frankly, sincerely, and truthfully it builds safety and trust.

Self-connection means that you are willing to go inside and get clear: what am I feeling? what am I needing? what am I wanting? what are my intentions right now? where do I choose to put my attention?

Self-connection can reveal where you might be blaming, or where you have story about someone, or a limiting belief about yourself. It can also help you be aware of your deeper needs so that you can help someone else connect to what is most alive in you.

When others can trust that you are — and when you can trust that others are — being self-responsible about intentions, words, and actions, that also contributes to safety and trust.

When someone can hear blame from another, feel safe enough to point it out, and if that other person is self-responsible and vulnerable enough to own it — that could bring the person pointing it out a lot of relief. It also helps their heart soften and helps then feel into their care a bit more.

Human beings are capable of creating thriving relationships which include the co-creation of mutually crafted solutions.

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