It goes without me realy having to say a thing. Breakups are hard. For both people invovled.
Emotions are flying uncontrolably, memories come flooding back in and overthinking becomes a new habit.
Its an experience that we all wish could be avoided. Yet most people inevitably encounter this during their lives.
A common reaction after a breakup is to simply shut down. To give up all hope for the future and pig out watching Netflix with a tub of melted ice cream nearby for support.
But I am telling you this will be the first day of your next chapter!
Wipe those tears away and use these effective strategies to get back onto your own two feet.
- Realise it will take time to feel better.
Shortly after a breakup time seems to come to a standstill. Whereas you might hope that it speeds up, skipping the healing part to feel better again.
Doubt begins to play a huge part of our thought process during the first few days. "Will I be able to get over him/her?" Yes.. But it will take time.
Knowing that this is not an overnight process can take an unnecessary weight off from your shoulders.
Gradually you will begin to feel better, day by day. This depends on the severity of the situation and the persons involved.
There is no fixed amount of time that it will take so put your marker and calender away. So for now it may feel like theres no hope in sight but remember the saying, 'time heals all wounds'. Eventually forgetting the painful emotions you have experienced.
2. Focus on yourself. What makes you happy?
Give yourself permission to feel your feelings, don't run away from the storm of emotions, soon enough it will catch up to you and shower you with what you were afraid to face.
Longterm relationships almost creates a third, overlapping psychological entity that comprises both you and them. When being in a relationship with a partner we often neglect our own personal wants and needs.
Putting all of our attention on them or as a partnership. In essence you both emerged into another entity, comprised of both your positives and negatives. When the relationship ends, a gut wrenching emotion occurs knowing this third body no longer exists.
But thats okay.
Looking on the brightside of the fallout, you will have more time on your hands for yourself.
There may have been things that you put off whilst in a relationship that you were unable to do. Begin to do those activities, this will give you a sense of joy and take you out of that breakup mindset.
Caring for yourself will help tremendously. Whether that being eating healthily, exercising or watching your favourite movie.
Rather than dating another person, it may sound corny, but begin to date yourself.
Treat yourself how YOU want to be treated.
3. Surround yourself with close friends and family.
Often our own mind can play tricks on us. Going on endless thought loops that cause us more harm.
To counteract this issue we can surround ourselves with our close friends and family.
Often times these people are neglected during a relationship. Spending more time with your partner.
Not only will this help you take your mind off from the breakup, its also incredibly beneficial to socialise. We may beat ourselves up after a broken relationship, saying to ourselves that we're not good enough.
Being with other people can help boost our self esteem, laughing with others is a natural medicine.
4. Write a list about your ex.
Memories come flooding back in after a breakup of all the good times that you spent together.
Our minds really can be our worst enemies at times. Bringing back all of the mushy moments that you both spent together.
With a little closer of an analysis you will begin to see some holes that may have not been as obvious. Taking a step back and assessing your relationship with an outside point of view may give you a new perspective.
Spend 10–20 minutes writing a list of positives and negatives about your ex. Be as detailed as possible.
Chances are the negative list will heavily outweigh the positives, unless they're a nun.
This new found way of thinking will help calm down your mind after only thinking of all the lovey dovey moments.
5. Don't chase someone that doesn't want you
The urge to reach out and message them will be aching at times. Just one message to see how they are and thats that. Right?
It is best to keep your distance after a breakup instead. Shocking!
Keeping in contact will only inflate your hopes that it could be resolved. Ask yourself, would you want to get back with someone that rejected you?
The majority of relationships that get back together after a breakup that are succesful are slim and far between. So rip that bandaid off as early as possible.
Chances are you'll message something you'll regret later down the line. Play it cool.
Checking their social media seems very tempting too, doesn't it?
Do not do it. I repeat do not do it. Its similar to shooting yourself in the foot and asking someone why someone else pulled the trigger!
For the time being, hide their feed/posts, mute their social media. After you've healed is when you can unhide their posts.
Sadly, its a part of life to have your heart broken at least once.
Some of the greatest pieces of art, music and novels arrived from breakups.
It doesn't have to be a constant doom and gloom occurance, we can make this a positive change, like a phoenix rising from the ashes.
Begin to focus on parts of yourself that you neglected during the relationship.
Build your confidence back up and take your mind off from thinking about it by spending time with others that care about you.
Realise that maybe they weren't that special and they had flaws like everyone does by writing a list of positive and negative.
And keep your eyes focussed away from their posts on social media by hiding their activity, it is tempting but you'll kick yourself for looking!
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