The Life We Deserve
We are all born to become huge, fantastic, immense oak trees. We truly are… but, due to a series of circumstances, only few of us live up to our full potential.
The reasons being that we are shaped by the system we’re born in: determined by parents, teachers and other authority figures who, directly or indirectly, contributed to our formation process. On the other hand, we are shaped by the circumstances we’ve been through, by our emotional reaction to them, by the existence or lack of resources - love being one of the most important of them. Thus, we end up becoming bonsai trees – small and comfy bonsai trees. Fitting into any corner of the room - little cogs in the system’s machinery.
By the time we become mature enough to make our own decisions, we’re estranged to our true nature, unable to deal with the emotions that are deemed “unacceptable” by the society, our free will being limited to fit our perceptions and expectation that are far from reality itself . We’re bottling up everything that doesn’t correspond, that bother others, or doesn’t meet someone’s expectations and end up making one choice after another based on learned repetitive actions and brought to automatism expected behaviour.
The reason why more and more people may find themselves lacking self-confidence, financial stability, joy, and find themselves feeling swallowed by routines or stuck in toxic relationships, putting aside their dreams for others is far more complex and it cannot be merely changed by willpower only.
This drive for acceptance, for a place in the tribe, for some glimpses of “caregiver’s unconditional love” (which in most cases was more conditional than ever); together with continuous projection of these unsatisfied needs on the external environment are unable to be sensed by the individual himself most of the time, and are ruling his life from backstage, leaving him blissfully unaware of his own faults and issues with only one escape – to blame others in everything that happens to him.
- Is there any way to live a better and more successful life, to increase one’s vitality and ideally feel happy within the limits of one’s own comfort in this dynamic world? And what is needed in this healing process?
Yes, there is actually one way that consists in removing the inherited life scenario, enlarging the existing personal life scenario, upgrading the social programming that stands behind each single action and increase adaptability to any life changes, by increasing emotional intelligence level.
- Sounds easy, but is it achievable based on the competencies of an average person raised in this highly demanding and dynamic environment?
The conscious desire to change one’s reality as well as his will power are very important in the transformational process but are far from being enough. The positive motivation niche of the self-development market is also insufficient as it doesn’t target our subconscious behavioural patterns, thus creating a false feeling of efficiency that pops up as soon as a person is left face to face with this reality.
Since we take decisions and respond to stimuli from outside world unconsciously (fact discovered by Ben Libet in 1978), the changes need to be done on the subconscious level and for this, we definitely need a systemic approach.
I’ve dedicated my last five years (on top of continuous search and self reinvention) on studying the human psyche and elaborated a very comprehensive approach that guide through the inner transformation anyone interested in objectively and subjectively achieving what is conventionally considered, by the majority, “ a successful life”. This comprehensive approach has shown real results in different life aspects to people from different social groups, ranging from clients to volunteers and is already available in my Metamorphosis 101 Course and is also described in my book with the same name, that will be published hopefully by the end of this year.
- Where do you think you can place your Course within the personal development industry?
The program I’ve developed is not focused on motivational philosophy only and is not promising a quick fix, although I may admit that motivation is greatly needed for the personal growth process. Although I still consider it being only a tip of the Iceberg. The real transformation comes when you stop avoiding, suppressing or escaping your discomfort. Avoidance itself will worsen your situation bringing you temporary false feeling of happiness. What I advocate is facing your issues before it’s too late. The real growth is when you identify your behavioral patterns, inadequate behavioral patterns, outdated beliefs, and change them, reprogram your brain and start acting out of your new you. Only an upgraded mind can stop creating unhappiness and can easily adapt to ever changing reality.
- What particular personal experience/s inspired you to further explore the importance of personal development?
I believe that a great house can be built on a solid foundation system, and this requires lots of resources. Few of us had the opportunity to leave the parental house with a faultless support system, capable to hold the weight of a promising future. I wasn’t an exception.
My past abounded in situations that created fissures in my life castle, bringing me to a point in time where I realized that the promising eight to five job career, the external attributes - house, family, friends - were not enough to keep me away from that inner void that I felt inside. That particular time was marked by self reflection and thoughts about my choices, my freedom, my desires, about the inner conflict between opposite drives within myself. I started to question all the fundamental truths that I was considering mine. I was looking for clarity. And I found it by looking for answers to the questions that kept me awake at night. Who am I, that this happens to me? What do I really want? What makes me, me? What is real and unreal for me? What is under my control and what is beyond it? What could I have possibly done differently if given the knowledge resources that I possess right now? How do I contribute to the modeling of this reality? How to extend the limits of my creation potential? The answer puzzles were slowly arranging themselves into the picture of my new reality, and I found them all over the world -Tibet, Japan, France, Germany, Italy, Canada - in different places and with the help of different teachers.
In one of his articles, Wounded Healer, Rollo May is revealing the theory on people who are healing by virtue of their own wounds, when they don’t hide, but explore and fight them. I still taming my fears and inner demons, exploring my wounds and, believe me, it’s a mind-blowing and fruitful process.
- Personal transformation is often a bold, wide-ranging, and provocative idea, how do you manage preconceived myths?
Nowadays the personal development industry, similarly to any other industry, has different levels of depths shaped to satisfy both the shallow and more profound somnambulists’ needs. My mission is to serve the level of depth I’m proficient at and to broaden my knowledge every single day. I believe that our autonomy is a mere illusion and we’re not limited by the boundaries of our physical body. Thus, my inner process of transformation will ignite others without too many debates.
Alyssa Rusnac - personal coach, speaker, author of Metamorphosis self-development program, hypnotherapist, member of International Association of Counselors and Therapists, member of Canadian Hypnosis Association.