When people say this to you, 'Just because I go to another place, It doesn't mean we won't see one another again.' But isn't that exactly what that means, when the person you love and care about, goes away, travels you don't see them for a period of time. This is what upsets me , my abandonment issues knawing at me, irritating my very anxiety, until I burst into tears, all my worries, fears and memories come flooding back and it is triggering. Every step I take is towards healing in every aspect of my life so that I can one day have relationships, whether romantic or platonic or both if I will be so lucky, healthy long lasting partnerships, community surrounding me to have my back in life, society. A husband a polyamory union with another loving couple more to love and more to love you, love is all I wish for abundance of love, prosperity, health, travel, opportunities.
Where do my abandonment issues begin? My father, he left, he didn't or couldn't hack the responsibility of loving a little person. He didn't or couldn't love my mother the way she wanted or needed. I learned negative attachment style, when people leave to travel, or even need their space, I love my own space and I respect people's need for space but I need communication during this process. Someone to tell me 'It's okay darling I will be back in a few hours or a few days don't worry.' That's all, is that too much too ask for? I think not. In my experience when people leave they don't come back and when they do the challenges that were there before just come back with them unless you become wiser, healed and are aware enough of insecurities to be able to grow and develop healthier relationship this time around.
But how do we create healthier attachments, we are in a society that is driven by ego, narcissism, and narcissism is idolisation. People don't feel they need to give others value, love, appreciation, gratitude for the love that is given to them in life by their friends, family and this society. This society creates independence to the extreme, individualization to the extreme, look at feminism Sadia Kahn the relationship psychologist speaks of men and women finding value in one another and feminism is teaching women to not to baby men. As a feminist myself but rather a healthy feminist accepting my individual value in what I can offer to a romantic relationship, yes men are little boys and usually replace their Mothers with their girlfriends and wives but even though this happens psychologically and is expressed in the relationship it holds great significance, because women are naturally nurturing and protective and men need to feel wanted. As a healthy feminist, lone wolf who is now ready for a romantic relationship, marriage family I now understand the power of this realization. And not just a romantic relationship, but platonic, friendship, career, colleagues, bosses, business partners etc we are building relationships in life with our community. Through love, appreciation, gratitude, understanding, a feminist isn't just fair to women but it is also fair to men it is a movement of love, respect, appreciation. Because we need one another in life we also must understand the necessity for connection and what each one of us can offer in all our relationships in life.
We can very well be lone wolves and I am a lone wolf, especially when I am not with the right people, but I am also aware of the value in community, building a life with others is what taches us responsibility, to take care of one another, our children, grand-children and our elders. If the extreme in society is to further develop us, for example look at social media, people are now much to damn lazy to make an effort to connect with people face to face. It doesn't matter if you are in another country, that is just an excuse, save your money and go across waters to visit your friends, lovers, family if they truly mean something to you. One of the ways we can all heal much better, in order to connect to healthier relationships, is revaluate how we perceive the relationships we are in and also to reflect our attachment styles. I am in this process right not the past six years and with inner child work and shadow work every week, it's intense but it' is also very necessary. So I can develop healthier and stronger relationships in the future, with this healing and self reflection, I am able to see where also I am at fault for creating these relationships in my life. Letting trauma from my childhood dictate how I respond to relationships is not healthy, and so realising this in my healing is a huge amount of progress for me and you too out there whom ever is reading my article can also reflect and heal.
More to come in part 2- I must go and think explore the inner workings of my mind.
Peace love and light
Luna Pheonix Camille
Growing Through Nature
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