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Too much of a kindness can also hurt
Oct 10, 2023

Core Spirit member since Oct 8, 2023
Reading time 3 min.

We've all heard of being kind and giving to people. To always smile and be ready to help others. Trying so hard to be good in everyone's book. We look for appreciation and admiration in places just to get some recognition. When you go the extra mile to gain love, is it worth it? I get it. We all want to be loved, but at what cost? And how far are we willing to go for it?

Let's address this by giving it the most famous term, "people-pleasers" . They are the most sweet people you'll come across, and let me tell you, I'm not against kindness, but these are the people who are getting exploited the most. This article is to raise awareness, help them realize the root cause, and provide them with manageable solutions. So now that we all know who people-pleasers are, we also know that they go to great lengths to make others happy. They have no boundaries, and they're always afraid of being bad in someone's story. As a result, they drain themselves just to help others, which is not healthy for them.

Helping others is a good thing, but don't forget yourself in the process. Such people crave love so much that they hurt themselves just to gain some appreciation, but do you know the harsh reality? People will judge you no matter what you do. People will have something to say about you, no matter how hard you try to be a nice person. If they want to hate, they will. I know this sounds harsh, but it's the bitter truth. Now, when you hear your co-worker gossiping about you, no matter how nice you are to her, just remember that it's her, not you. There will come a time when you will be hit with a reality touch, and you will feel low, but it's okay.

Now that we have acknowledged it, let's talk about the solutions. First things first, you have to accept that you can't be good in everyone's book. The second most important step is to find that love that you're looking for from the outside world and give it to yourself. The third and most important step is creating boundaries. It's great to help others, but know when to stop. Learn to say "no." People exploit those who don't have any boundaries. Don't tyre yourself after this world; be kind if you feel like it, and if you don't, just take a break. If you don't, this suppressed emotion will bottle up, and one day it will leash out very badly. So it's okay to not be okay. Somedays you're all energetic, great ! Do the social work, but take some days off and give it to yourself. When you learn to take breaks, find out what you love to do in your free time and do it. Watch that season you always wanted to, read that book that is on your TBR, go out, and do whatever makes you happy. Heal your inner self by being with the people who bring out the best in you, or even if you don't feel like peopling, cancel the plan. Nothing should come before your mental health and inner peace.

Know that prioritising yourself is not being selfish, and loving yourself is not too much. You need this; you deserve it. Help when you can, and say sorry when you can't. Stop draining yourself in the process of making everyone happy, because that will leave your cup empty. It's always a give-and-take rule. If you're giving your love out there, imagine taking a cup of love and happiness and only giving every time at one point you'll feel empty. So you have to take some love back from the world, and your cup will be full again. If the love isn't coming back to you through people, then give it to yourself by doing things that will make your cup full again.

Acknowledge that your mental health is equally important as the other person's. Give yourself so much love that you don't have to look for it from others. Be content with your life by having healthy breaks, vacations, and me time. You deserve a break; every one of us does. You have to heal yourself from the burden of everything else. Be the person who saves you too. This will heal your soul and give you the energy to be kind to others and to yourself. Remember that you can't make everyone happy, but you can make yourself happy. Life goes on, but draining yourself will take the happy soul away. Don't do that to yourself. Your happy soul will be there for you when no one else is, so invest your time in it and shine bright with your energy.

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