May 15, 2023

“Let me tell you a little story, a story that shouldn’t be in the books yet. However, when you feel like something is dying and you wish you could leave it to the world to see it”.

There lived a girl who felt always lost in this earth. Her whole life she believed in things that people call those “crazy”. She knew that something is really different, she knew one day her whole life would crumble down and she would have nothing left. We can call her “Thea”. Just like the sun what her name meant, she resonate herself to this world.

Thea lived with a family who took her under their care when she left her family. Her family was “a mess” in her words. She left them behind the day her mother complained how bad she is and how unlucky they felt because of Thea. It was heartbreaking each time Thea has to go through with her mom just to prove she is right. As a teenager she always thought her mom hated her and her mom didn’t disappoint to tell everyday that Thea is the worst kid that she ever saw.

Thea stopped looking for love and affection from her family and she cut all the ties and bonds with her family just to getaway with life. She didn’t have to go to bed mad or wake up to her mom’s loud voice. She just lived her life like an orphan and she loved every minute of her life.

Thea started to fall in love in her 20s after going through rough years with her abusive ex-boyfriend. She didn’t knew how to fall in love again, because she only knew to argue and be angry all the time. She felt like she got a second chance in her life. She lost her family, had an abusive relationship with her ex-boyfriend and she failed her collage finals.

Ezra is Thea’s new lover. She fell in love with him like she knew him million life-times before. What she didn’t knew was that she is going to go through life once again because of him and it was like God testing her.

Thea faced so many challenges to be with Ezra. He was not easy to fall in love with. He had so many skeletons in closet and he did carry lot of baggage. What they both didn’t know was they both were put on this path by destiny for something they are never ready for. They both had lot of similarities with their lives and when they crossed path with each other they both knew that they are all they got!

They both had to reunite with their families. It was not easy thing for Thea as she was always outcast from the family. Ezra was too much loved by his family which led him with so many rules and regulations he had to follow to live with his family. As a result of their relationship, Thea’s mom gave both of them a chance. A chance to live with Thea’s family and help each other out. Ezra wanted to be in a family where there was so much freedom and he was excited when Thea’s mom invited them. Thea didn’t like it, she felt like she is going to get her life ruined over again. But because of Ez she gave it a try, not only because of that, because she failed her finals, she didn’t want to do it again and she wanted to go to another country with Ez. She knew it will be possible with the help of her family, she felt like she found a great solution to her problems when she found Ezra.

Life had way with life, the magic she believed in started to fade day by day. She found an pathway to go to University, three semester of university foundation program and then she can go to abroad to study and become who she dreamed of to be, which is quite complicated to answer. She wanted to become a nurse, that was her first goal to achieve to become who she really is. Although her family was loaded with money, her father was always addicted to spend his money in way you can never think of. He had multi-personalities but he wanted to help his kids. At least that’s what he showed to the world. Thea did well in her studies, while she was making a path to Ezra as well. She goes through so much to crack him open and show him new possibilities that he could have in life. Ezra wanted a better life, but he wanted that by laying on the bed all day. He thought that success would come to him, he doesn’t need to sweat because he had all the hellfire in his life when he was young. He believed that he deserve that until this day.

While Thea was creating her path for her future, her father started to get unavailable. She tried to reach him before her exams, because all her financials were handled by him. His assistant was a tough lady. A lady who thought who knew everything and brainwashed Thea’s father that his daughter going abroad is pointless and it cost a fortune. Because of this Thea couldn’t finish her first semester, her father was radio silent about her studies. Thea kept telling herself that if she try to show the good side of her going abroad for studies to her father, she might get her chance back. She dropped out of campus and started to work with her dad. She didn’t get paid a penny, but she wanted to win his heart to get back to her studies. He had paid enough for her necessities she told herself everyday. He is a good father and he will do right by his kids.

After a year, Thea convinced her dad and was able to get back to her studies. She didn’t hurry into it because this time for sure she knew she wanted to get things right. She was having the feeling that she is was achieving her dream, but she didn’t know what was behind the big curtains called “Life”.

Year after she completed her studies, found a best friend after college which she dreamt impossible. Her friend made huge impact on Thea’s life, they made plans such as; going to same University in Australia, share houses, live together with their boyfriends, go for places that they both had the same vision in their lives. Thea’s best friend’s mother loved Thea and treated her like family. She would pick Thea after classes and drop her, talk about life stuff like a mother. Thea was happy, she felt she was dreaming. Both of them successfully complete their diploma and both of them were selected to their dream University in Melbourne, Australia.

Thea endlessly planning her life in Melbourne and she cried in joy when her acceptance letter came. There was one condition that Sri Lankan education agents said to her, they told her that she can’t apply for a dependent visa for bachelor degree or she can not be married when she apply for the visa. But they promised her that once she got her visa, she can then marry and take Ezra with her, maybe after 3 months.

When all of this was happening the world we know today faced the great pandemic of air-borne disease. Countries closed down their boarders, students were given no options rather than waiting. When the world was in a chaos, Thea’s father decided that she shouldn’t be studying in Melbourne but in Gold Coast. The reason behind this was according to him that there are relatives in Gold Coast so just in case her father is unable to support her during the pandemic she has a family who she can relay on. In her defence, her relatives didn’t like her and she didn’t like them either. This is because her mom’s sisters too believed that Thea is a bad choice. They hated how she talked, her choices and everything they did. They are the reason Thea wanted to go to Australia, be like them, live like them. But when she talk to them regarding her situation and that she is coming to Australia, her first aunt said “it’s just waste of money, don’t waste your father’s money. Study nursing in Sri Lanka and find a job there” and other aunt said “She held the candle to her father’s girlfriend’s vagina”. This aunt was against Thea because she was supporting Thea’s father and her half-sister. Things were going down, but she thought her father is considering his options.

One morning her father call her, “Listen to me, you will not go to Melbourne but to Gold Coast. I have spoken to your aunt and she will do the arrangements”. Thea screamed in her head, tears fell like it started to rain. Ezra was by her side, trying to keep her calm. I remember she said “Please father, if I don’t go to Melbourne I will miss my only chance!”. That’s all I heard for that moment. As soon as she hung up, she screamed and screamed until her family was banging at her door. She hugged her pillow and said to herself “It’s all over!”.

Pandemic was getting better. Boarders opened and Thea’s best friend went to University in Australia. Thea was so hurt to say good bye to her best friend, who she thought she will be going with.

She started an advanced diploma but that program held more dead ends and she knew it is not for her. Thea started to work with her dad along side with Ezra and Thea’s sister Elena. Her father would remind her everyday that he will send her to Australia. Time flew by, Thea went to different agents trying to get in to Universities in Gold Coast and all they said to her was she was too old now but they would give a try and then after few weeks they ignore her.

A year turned to second year and still she thought that she is going to continue her studies somehow. Her dad kept telling all his friends that he is sending her to Australia but it was all talk, no action. Her family let her down, her mom picked her brain day by day telling how Thea is not trying enough to go to Australia. Sometimes she would blame on Ezra saying “it’s all because of him”. In Thea’s world she had lost, she was drowning in her grief and few months later there were many more sorrows she faced in her life. Her relationship with Ezra failed, she gave him and herself a chance. Next year, her dad completely ignored her. He never spoke about Thea’s education. He left her unemployed for 6 months in his own company. When he called her back he treated her like a worker, not like a daughter. He screamed at her for everything while praising Elena even for her mistakes. Ezra and Thea was almost to get married and when his family visited Thea’s father didn’t show up. His mom wanted to get the kids married at least, but Thea’s father ignored her.

It’s been half a year and now Elena is causing Thea problems. Thea felt a strong connection with Elena. She thought even she has no friends in her hometown she will have Elena as her best friend because they understood each other. Over time Elena had the taste of the money like her dad and forgot to be human. Thea wish she could move out of the family, but this time she can’t do it because she is too attached to her family. Her only friend will be departing the country as well, while everyone makes fun of Thea how she couldn’t leave the country even after trying. Thea at least want to get married and have kids of her own, but Ezra is not ready now. He think he found himself and he need to provide everything he dreamt of for himself first and them comes marriage. But in his mind he doesn’t want to have kids, and after the conversations that Thea has about this, she wanted to kill herself. Poor Thea.

I heard her crying today whispering “Dear God, I know I don’t believe in you and you are my first and last option. Here I am begging you, I don’t even know even if you care, but please help me. I have nothing left to lose or nothing left to do. I feel I am cursed. I don’t know why I still want to go away from this country but I don’t belong here. Please if you can’t help me, please do kill me. I don’t want to live another second in this life.” I saw her crying and falling to sleep in her dark room. There was nothing pleasant about her life. She was practically dead inside. I feel she was left to suffer. She has no karma or God. She is living her life to destroy her life. I have no idea where her life would take her, but I know not any where safe.

Thea will cry everyday, try to take her own life. She will see the beauty of life but she will never be able to have it. She is dying star, she is a lonely one and what her life will bring her will be nothing but great sorrow. She wouldn’t be able to leave her life, she will live forever and suffer, her age will be the number of people who will leave her. She will end up alone, even on her deathbed she will be weeping because there will be no one by her side or nothing at all. Once she dies, she will turn to dust, dust that will go around the Earth, galaxies and the universe. Then she will see it all, and finally she will be at peace.

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