Taking a stand that “I’m going to live in love” is saying I’m going to do this. I’m sure in your dating life you’ve come to a place where after a disappointment you decided to stop. I stopped for many years — I didn’t believe it was possible to live in love. I came to realize that unless we have a strong intention that “I’m going to live in love,” we’re likely to give up.

I hear a lot of people say they’d be happy to find love “if it happens.” “If it happens” is not going to happen. I had to make a concerted effort as I would for my career. If you’re over 30 the love you’re looking for is not going to happen magically. As one of my students reports, she met the love of her life “magically” after working on herself diligently for ten years. Being “in love” is a decision, it’s not something that might or might not happen in a fairy land in the sky.

The law of attraction stuff out there that says that if we’re radiating right it will show up — there’s a certain truth to that, but not in the way people think. The first thing is to get really clear that you’re going to live in love, and then you’re going to need to make an action plan. How are you going to meet someone? It doesn’t work to just leave it to chance. Look inside and ask yourself if you feel you’re doing enough. I certainly didn’t want to go on 150 first dates but that’s what it took. Are you willing to put in the effort? Where are you going to put yourself in front of a person so that you can “magically” meet them?

Conventional dating advice is don’t date unless this might be The One. Consequently, we’re sitting home watching Netflix. If we start exercising the ability to open our hearts to people even if they’re not The One, we get a lot closer to attracting our Beloved because we are starting to vibrate with the frequency of love. It starts with saying I don’t want to be alone – I’m going to live in love, even before I meet The One.

© 2020 Catherine Auman

This piece is an excerpt from Catherine’s book Tantric Dating: Bringing Love and Awareness to the Dating Process