My Experience In 2023:

For the first time ever in my life, this has been the year that I’ve literally confronted over 5 people for toxic behavior. I had to dump my 2nd girlfriend (that I’ve only dated for 6 weeks in a non-exclusive relationship) because she refused to change certain behaviors that were unkind for our relationship. We’re only in April and this is what I’ve already ran into. Little did I know that this lead to me and the other people to make amends end in some kind of connection that we had. In today’s world most people hate it when someone tries to hold them accountable for something they’ve done or said that was wrong. I’m not perfect either to add on to this but I am someone who does the best to own up to my faults and try to fix them afterwards. This goes to every fault that I have made and not only specific ones that I want to own up to. It’s just I’ve noticed through my experience so many people do the pure opposite when I tell them about themselves. They’ll always use the term “I was just joking” or “I was just giving you shit” instead of apologizing and quitting their behavior. At times I had to literally do something to someone or say something out of my nature to get the peace that I wanted from the start. There’s been too many times where I had to confront people for things that I’ve felt was disrespectful.

So I’ve done some soul searching recently, watched helpful YouTube videos, and so much more to understand why does this happening. Why at places like a job or a college campus do I receive so much attention that I don’t want? Yet, why do I trust to jump into a large friendship, or even a dating relationship with people before fully knowing who they are? Based on my experiences I refused to drop certain people from my life when I had the opportunity. Mainly, because I was too worried about their feelings yet my own, or consequences of doing this. Also, I am working on a huge issue of mines due to other people having issues.. and that’s confronting as many people for being mean to me. I am slowly learning that confronting every red flag might be something that could be disrupting my peace at times.

So if you’re someone who is noticing red flags from people I believe this article is for you. I am about jump into certain red flags that are common in both friendships, relationships, and just in general from people. These aren’t judgments of any sort but examples of red flags and what to do when you see them. I will also add that handling red flags with the wrong methods sometimes could make it even worse (I’ve learned this first hand.) Well, here we go with identifying red flags, and what to do when they’re noticed.

Red Flags And The Actions Towards Them:

1. “I’m not in the mood” — When someone dismiss your feelings without you even giving a hint of what’s going on, that’s not a good sign. This isn’t too toxic if this only happens once or twice in a year. If this is a constant occurrence than this is a very bad sign. Most people that do this are typically self centered in most cases. Yet, these people will typically want everyone to listen to whatever they need to say without any mouth in return. How you handle this is by simply just asking them does your emotions matter at any moment of the day. If they respond with something like, “No right now it’s not that important to me” instead with something like, “Of course they do but right now things are hard between me and you so to avoid more possible tension, I just prefer if we could talk a little later, that’s all” than this is a sign to possibly leave them alone. I would wait just a few hours later or the latest a day to bring up how you feel. If that does no good, I would tell them how you feel anyways, and completely walk away from that person.
2. 2. “Going through your privacy without your consent” — This is one for those who are dating someone out there. If you have a partner who literally goes through phone without your consent first, stalks all your social medias, and does the most to always know what you’re doing is a very negative act to show. Deleting photos, text messages, or little things that could be meaningful to you is extremely self centered yet, it might even scream insecurities. No one should delete something on your device in less it’s you or you’re ok with them doing that while you’re standing right there watching them do that. It’s different if you cheated on someone for them to be this way or they found out something true about you that gives them some kind of fear of you (and this is if you’re still dating that person.) If this isn’t the case though, no one should ever feel like it’s ok to control what’s in your device, and in your domain. How you can handle this is having a very in depth talk with that person and how your privacy is something valuable to you. Saying something like, “It’s ok to be concern about me and my intentions but it’s best that you look into this along the side of me. Spying on me or what I’m doing might make me think you don’t trust me at some kind of aspect. So can we work on just talking our concerns out with each other and not looking through one another’s phones and things behind each other’s backs?” If this makes them feel like you are hiding something or it’s unacceptable for some reason than it’s best to leave this person behind. This goes for a partner or even a close friend.
3. 3. “Ghosting” — This is how a lot of us younger people tend to handle our issues these days (I’ve seen older people do the same thing surprisingly too.) If someone relevant to you just ignores you without even letting you know that’s something they are going to do says a lot. I think ghosting is a huge way for people to avoid responsibility, accountability, and making things better. I will add that it’s not really ghosting if they give you a warning they won’t reply to you for a while for whatever reason. A lot times people go this route because they know that they’ve done something wrong and it kills them that someone is going to bring it up to them in their face. A lot of people that ghost people have also been ghosted from others at some point in life. There’s even a old saying from a elderly lady stating, “When they’ve done you wrong they’ll avoid just as long.” We see it when criminals are on the run because they won’t to turn themselves in or someone is mad so they put the loudest headphones in to block everyone else out just because they’re ticked off. People love ignoring people that they know that actually want to get sympathy from them. How to handle this is by simply (by the way THIS IS MY BIGGEST WEAKNESS TO WORK ON AS WELL) expressing to them how you feel by face to face, text, or even by a email if you could. Afterwards you just need to accept the fact that you got what you need off your chest and it’s no longer something to linger on to. What truly matters is that you said what you needed to say and it’s off your chest. Rather that person cares or not, you’ve at least got the chance to show that person that side you’ve wanted to express. On this step there’s not too much you can do to get a caring response from someone if they choose to continue to ghost you. Accepting the fact that you at least said or done what you had to do make the stress decrease is what really counts. Besides ghost aren’t real right??? So those ghosters are no different than actual ghost that we never see or hear. You aren’t real to them so why make them real to you? It’s easier said than done but I know my dear reader, that you can even surpass being ghosted from someone that you actually wanted to care at some point. There will be thousands of other people you’ll meet in this life and you’ll meet at least a few other people who will be worth your time. And guess what!?! They won’t actually just ghost you out of nowhere either.
4. 4. “Digging Only In Your Pockets” — There’s some people who literally will fall right on your lap just to use you up for your pockets. People will literally ran over anyone or anything for the love of money overall life in general. Being dead and rich is better than being alive and broke for some people. Friends will come to you all the time asking for money (big or small amounts) as if they have no one else that could them out. If this is a friend, partner, or even a co-worker you have around they probably are not genuine if they do this constantly. How to handle this is to make a clear boundary that you prefer to ask only once or no more twice every one in a while. Also, you shouldn’t be afraid to set a stern rule that you can only give out so much due to your own expenses. If they make comments like, “You’re broke” or something rude like that than most likely they aren’t someone worth pursuing.
5. 5. “You’re Weird Just Be More Like This” — This will be the last point I bring up in this article about red flags. As long as you’re not hurting anyone, you should always be your true self. Changing the way you walk, the way you talk, and the way you move when it’s only to make someone else more satisfied isn’t too much of a good decision. People (mainly those who are closer to you) want to feel like they have some impact or control of you to some extinct. So they’ll probably draw comparisons, name calling, or some kind of judgement on you to try to get you to mold more into their expectations. How to handle this is first try to talk to those friends, peers, that partner, or whoever is judging you about how it makes you feel. If they don’t apologize and try to make a effort to treat you better than that’s when you call them out again. Than after that just ignore them, be more of yourself than what you ever was before, and have a vibe of happiness around them. A lot of toxic people hate that’s someone around them is enjoying being alive. Showing them that what they think isn’t going to stop you from living your life is a amazing way to shut down haters.

This is a great article to help anyone other that feel like they’re unsure what’s toxic and what’s not. Sometimes the closest people to us that always have our backs can be very the ones who have a few red flags. Even though they helped us, loved us, and done all they could to us. Though, this could be true, that doesn’t mean you have to be a human punching bag as well. So rather it’s a family members, friend, boss, co-worker, student, or whoever never be afraid to stand up against cruelty. Sometimes it might just take ignoring someone for a little bit. Other times it might take you talking to someone or even doing something. Never feel bad for standing your ground on what you truly feel that’s right and fair for your health. I pray that this article helps you as much as the next reader who reads this.