Adoptee Anger: Validating Emotions, Demanding Justice

Anger is the part of yourself that loves you the most. Adoptee Anger: Validating Emotions, Demanding Justice

“Anger is the part of yourself that loves you the most. It knows when you are being mistreated, neglected, or disrespected. It signals that you have to take a step out of a place that doesn’t do you justice. It makes you aware that you need to leave a room, a job, a relationship, and old patterns that don’t work for you anymore. Learn to listen to your anger and make it your best friend. Then it’ll leave.”

Anonymous

Truth

Adoption is a topic that’s often surrounded by a veil of societal expectations and cultural beliefs, which has resulted in an incomplete narrative of the realities of adoption. These views have been shaped by various factors, including historical context and societal norms. Unfortunately, they’ve led to a subversion of the truth about adoption, failing to acknowledge its full complexity and the impact it has on all parties involved.

The portrayal of adoption as a purely altruistic and positive act, where the child’s needs are always prioritized, is a significant way in which the truth of adoption has been distorted. While it’s true that some adoptions happen out of love and compassion, it’s also important to acknowledge the many instances where social and economic pressures have driven adoption or where adoptees have been separated from their birth families without their consent or knowledge.

As an adoptee, you are born into a world where your identity is predetermined by someone else’s decision. You don’t have a say in who your birth parents are, what your cultural background is, or even your name. Growing up with this realization can leave a deep sense of loss, displacement, or confusion about your origins and your place in the world. It’s an emotional burden that few people can understand, and it can lead to feelings of isolation, anxiety, and depression.

The complexity of adoption involves multiple stakeholders, including birth parents, adoptive parents, and adoptees. Each of them has their own unique experience of adoption and their own story to tell. However, when it comes to the human rights of adoptees, there are still many gaps and challenges that need to be addressed.

Adoptees are often denied access to their original birth certificates, medical records, or cultural heritage. The right to know their biological origins and to access their medical history is a fundamental human right that’s often denied to them. Adoptees may also struggle to gain citizenship, access education, or secure employment opportunities. The stigma and discrimination that adoptees often face can make their lives even more difficult, creating additional obstacles to overcome.

Adoption is not a simple process, nor is it a simple topic to discuss. However, it’s important to acknowledge the truth of adoption and the experiences of those who have lived it. Only by doing so can we hope to create a more empathetic and compassionate society, where the human rights of all individuals are respected and valued.

Acknowledging Adoptee Anger:

Adoption is often viewed as a noble act of love and sacrifice, but what about the adoptee’s emotions? Adoptees may feel anger at different points in their lives, such as during the adoption process, when they learn the truth about their origins, or when they encounter prejudice or discrimination. This anger can be a powerful catalyst for change, prompting individuals and communities to demand justice and accountability.

However, adoptee anger is frequently brushed aside or pathologized by others who may view it as an expression of ingratitude, entitlement, or mental health issues. Adoptees may be instructed to “move on,” “be thankful,” or “forget about the past” without being provided with the space and resources to process their emotions and experiences. This invalidation can leave adoptees feeling alone, ashamed, or even self-destructive.

It is essential to recognize that adoptee anger is a natural and valid response to systemic injustices and to provide adoptees with the tools and support to express and channel their emotions in a constructive manner. Adoptees deserve to be heard, seen, and believed, not silenced or shamed. By acknowledging and respecting adoptee anger, we can help create a world where adoptees feel valued, supported, and empowered to advocate for themselves and others.

Narrative

The adoption narrative has long been perpetuated as a tale of positivity and gratitude, with adoptees portrayed as content and thankful for their adoption experience. However, this narrow and incomplete narrative fails to acknowledge the complexities and challenges that many adoptees face throughout their lives. Adoptees may experience feelings of loss, confusion, and displacement, even when placed with loving and supportive adoptive families. These emotions may arise from a variety of factors, such as a lack of connection to their biological heritage or feelings of identity confusion.

Furthermore, the lack of access to information and support for adoptees and birth families contributes to a culture of secrecy and shame that surrounds adoption. This secrecy can force adoptees and birth families to suffer in silence, unable to voice their experiences or seek connections with their biological families. The trauma and challenges associated with adoption are often exacerbated by this sense of isolation, leaving adoptees and birth families feeling stigmatized and alone.

It is crucial to acknowledge the realities of the adoption experience, including the struggles and difficulties that many adoptees face. This acknowledgement involves creating a more truthful and inclusive narrative that recognizes the full range of experiences and emotions surrounding adoption. By providing adoptees and birth families with the necessary support, resources, and information, we can help them navigate this complex journey in a healthy and empowering way. Only then can we begin to address the systemic issues that continue to undermine the rights and well-being of adoptees and their families.

Information

Adoptee rights encompass a wide range of issues, from access to information and services to legal recognition and protection. Some of the key areas of concern include:

Access to original birth certificates and adoption records: Adoptees should have the right to obtain their original birth certificates and adoption records without unnecessary restrictions or fees. This information is crucial for identity formation, medical history, and genealogical research.
Citizenship and immigration: Adoptees who were not automatically granted U.S. citizenship at birth because of outdated laws or bureaucratic errors should be able to apply for citizenship retroactively and without undue burden.

Cultural heritage and language preservation: Adoptees should have the opportunity to learn about and connect with their birth cultures and languages, as well as to maintain their adoptive cultures and languages if they choose to do so.

Mental health and support services: Adoptees may face unique mental health challenges related to identity, attachment, trauma, and loss. They should have access to culturally sensitive and specialized mental health and support services that address their specific needs and experiences.

These are just a few examples of the issues that affect adoptee rights. To make a real difference, we need to work together as a community to raise awareness, lobby lawmakers, and support grassroots organizations that advocate for adoptee rights. Adoptees should not have to fight for their basic human rights alone.

Anger is the part of yourself that loves you the most. Adoptee Anger: Validating Emotions, Demanding Justice

Ultimately, the simultaneous nature of glorification and toxicity in adoption reflects the complex and multifaceted nature of human relationships and experiences. Adoption is both a noble and admirable act of love and compassion, as well as a painful and traumatic experience of loss and dislocation.

By acknowledging and honouring these contradictory aspects of adoption, we can better understand and support adoptees and their families, and work towards a more just and equitable adoption system that respects the rights and dignity of all involved.