Afsheen Shah

Imagine waking up each day, not to the sound of an alarm, but to the rhythm of your own empowered heartbeat. Imagine looking in the mirror and seeing not just a reflection, but the embodiment of strength, courage, and authenticity.

A vision of the woman you know you can be and want to be.

I’m guessing you don’t have to imagine very hard because it’s something you dream about almost daily. But it isn't just a dream; it's a possibility that's within your reach if you’re willing to open up to it.

There’s a constant tug-of-war going on inside of you. One side keeps pulling you towards the woman everyone expects you to be, and the other pulling you towards the woman you could be and know you actually are on the inside. A woman - no, a bad bish- who says “f*ck this” to all the societal expectations that have ruled your life up until now. A woman who’s ready to start saying yes to her own needs and desires, and yes to herself.

You’re done living a life where you just exist and survive..you’re ready for a life where you thrive as the true, empowered and authentic version of you.

And as uncharted as the path to your authentic self seems to be, you know it’s one you’re finally ready to walk down.

On the one hand you feel liberated knowing what it is that you actually want for yourself. On the other hand you’re scared stiff. The uncertainty of it all can feel scary, and even a little overwhelming when you compare where you are now and where you actually want to be.

So, what next? Will you continue to plaster on the smile, keep up the facade, and keep walking down a path you don’t even want to be on..and maybe never did? Will you let another year and another birthday go by with thoughts of “some day” swirling around in your head?

Or will you finally face what you’ve been pretending not to see all along—that’s it’s time for a change. It’s time to start living a life you love. A life that’s fulfilling. A life you can be proud of.

You may be wondering “where do I even start?” Simple. You start by simply making the decision to.

If this resonates with you, know that there is a path available to you that will lead you back to your authentic self—and a journey waiting for you that will fill your life with purpose, joy, and the unshakeable feeling of fulfillment and 'enoughness.' That feeling you’ve been denying yourself for far too long.

And I'm here to guide you through it, hand in hand, step by step. This is not just about reclaiming your time or your boundaries, but reclaiming your life.

And I can’t think of any better time to start than now.

As always,
Afsheen

No matter what your life may look like right at this moment — you have the strength, the resilience, and the power to create the life you want. You just have to be willing to believe in yourself and stop playing it safe. Be open to new experiences and opportunities and learn to embrace change instead of avoiding it.

And this part is really important — if things don’t work out the way you had hoped (which WILL happen, it happens to all of us!) don’t beat yourself up with thoughts of “I knew this wouldn’t work” or “I should’ve known this would happen” and then use that as an excuse to go back to the way you were.

That is the BIGGEST mistake I see people making when things don’t go as planned.

Your brain will be looking for reasons to keep you where you are — not because it’s better for you but because it’s easier and keeps you in your comfort zone.
The brain is wired for survival, and it finds safety in the familiar. So, your comfort zone is essentially your brain’s safe haven where risks are minimized.
Which is why change can feel SO hard at times.

When you hit a snag or face failure, your brain sees it as a threat and naturally wants to retreat to what’s known and safe, hence pulling you back to your comfort zone to avoid further discomfort or perceived danger.

However, facing and overcoming challenges is where real growth happens. Recognizing the brain’s tendency and consciously choosing to push through the discomfort, despite the brain’s initial resistance, is key to forming new, beneficial habits and making progress on your goals and dreams.
Remember, setbacks aren’t necessarily a bad thing. They’re a normal part of life. You’re human after all, and it’s okay to stumble and even fall along the way. And true success doesn’t come from avoiding every fall (no baby would ever learn to walk if that was the case), it comes from getting back up after each fall and continuing to walk anyway.

So, keep walking friends, your dreams are closer than you think and as you continue walking towards them, know that they’re also walking towards you.
As always,
Afsheen

It can be hard not to get caught up in other people’s expectations of us. Most of us learn from a young age that the approval, safety and even the love we want and crave is readily available if we look, behave, act, dress and even speak in a certain way.

So we keep doing things that get us that approval, safety and love. Even if they don’t feel aligned with who we really are. Get the job, get the partner, the house, the cars, the kids.. and accumulate as much “stuff” as possible to show the world just how important you are.

And throughout it all, the underlying message we are sending to ourselves is that we must fit into the mold that we were given or we won’t be loved, accepted, successful or safe. And worse that being who we actually are simply isn’t good enough

I call bullshit on all of it.

There is no such thing as a “one size fits all” when it comes to who we are. We are all unique beings with unique strengths, gifts and needs. And trying to fit into a mold someone else created for you is like trying to fit into heels that are a size too small just because they “look really good”. If you force your foot into those heels guess what - you are going to be in pain and uncomfortable the whole time you’re wearing them.

The same thing goes for trying to be someone you’re actually not and living your life based on other people’s expectations of you instead of living life based on your own needs and expectations.

At the end of the day, everyone will want you to fit into THEIR vision of you - because that’s what’s familiar to them and feels most comfortable to them. And in some ways, it probably worked well for them so they genuinely believe it’s what will work best for you. And maybe doing it their way DID work well for you at one point.

But do you really want to keep chasing dreams and goals that others created for you? Or do you want to live your own dreams instead? It’s never too late to change directions. And the best way to start is by shedding the desires and expectations others have for you and replacing them with the desires and expectations you have for yourself.

It’s also never too late to start living the life you want or become the person you’ve always wanted to be. All you have to do is be willing to stop being who others need or want you to be, and start being who YOU want and know you’re meant to be.

And the irony of it all is that the more you start showing up for yourself, the easier it becomes to show up for others also.

As always,

Afsheen

Painful experiences are a part of life.

Very few people (if any) escape life without having painful experiences. And for some people, painful experiences can serve as a powerful motivator to change their life for the better. Those people have truly mastered the ability to turn their pain into their (super) power.

Turning your pain into your power is all about transforming the negative experiences and emotions into positive energy and motivation.

Here are some steps you can take:

Acknowledge your pain: It’s important to recognize your pain instead of suppressing it. Allow yourself to feel the emotions that come with the pain.

Learn from the pain: Painful experiences can be great teachers. Try to learn from the experience and use it as an opportunity for growth and development.

Reframe your perspective: Instead of viewing your pain as a weakness, try to reframe your perspective and view it as an opportunity for strength. Recognize that you have the strength to overcome the pain and that it can serve as a source of motivation.

Focus on your goals: Use your pain as fuel to achieve your goals. Channel your energy and emotions into your work and your passions.

Connect with others: Connect with people who have gone through similar experiences. Sharing your pain with others can help you heal and feel empowered.

Pain is a part of life. We all experience it. But we don’t have to let it keep us from thriving. And there IS a difference. People who experience pain and thrive despite it and BECAUSE of it have learned to turn their pain into their power.

And you can do the same.

Remember, turning your pain into your power is a process and it takes time. Be patient with yourself and don’t be afraid to seek help from a therapist or a support group if you need it.

Ever wonder why you’re doing all the “right” things, putting in the work and still watching other people get the promotion, raise or reward that you just spent the entire last year gunning for?

It’s not because they’re smarter, better connected or somehow “luckier” than you are. It’s because they know what to do and when exactly to do it - and that comes from being true to who they are and leading with their intuition, not just logic and expectations.

In today's fast-paced and often hyper-rational world, we are conditioned to follow the well-trodden paths of logic and convention, especially when it comes to the workplace. However, when it comes to achieving the success and promotion that we yearn for, we may be overlooking an incredibly powerful guide: our inner intuition. In my own journey I’ve come to realize that the greatest leaps I’ve made (both professionally and personally) have come to fruition when I’ve learned to trust my own intuition and lean into my inner wisdom and the unknown just as much as I have the “known” facts and data.

Many of us, myself included, have experienced the constraints of the 'good girl' programming that teaches us that in order to be “good” employees, wives, daughters and friends we must put our own needs aside and please others, follow the rules, and often ignore our inner calling. The fear of being seen as 'too emotional' or 'irrational' can further suppress our intuition, leading us down paths that feel safe but may not be fulfilling or aligned with our true selves.

This can often manifest in us then becoming a person we never intended to be. A person who no longer does what she desires but does what’s expected of her instead. Doing what’s expected can only take you so far. A true leader - the one who gets that promotion - will do what’s needed. They’re willing to stand up and stand out even when it’s uncomfortable.

True leaders rarely become so by “blending in”.

So if you do want that next level of life - be willing to show up as who you actually are and let go of that persona of who you think you “need” to be or “should” be. Here are some of the ways you can start stepping into a more authentic form of leadership now:

1. Listen to Your Inner Voice: Make time to listen to your gut feelings and inner wisdom. Practice honing in on what you need and what feels “true” and aligned to you - without always soliciting the feedback or opinion of others. Build a higher level of trust within yourself. This may be through meditation, journaling, or other practices that resonate with you.

2. Challenge Societal Expectations: Recognize that your intuition is not a weakness but a strength. And in many ways, a gift that keeps giving the more open you become to receiving it. Embrace your divine feminine energy and allow it to guide you.

3. Seek Guidance and Support: Working with a coach or mentor who understands your journey can make a significant difference. Together, you can explore your authentic path, and find the courage to follow it.

The path to that desired promotion or a more aligned life doesn't have to be rigid and solely logical. Your intuition is a powerful ally. When fully embraced, it can lead to a greater level of success and a deeper sense of fulfillment in every area of life.

Wishing your continued success and fulfillment,

Are you feeling trapped in the never-ending cycle of pleasing others, sacrificing your dreams, and losing touch with your true self?

Are you sick and tired of trying to maintain that picture perfect image of the woman that everybody wants you to be and keeps expecting you to be?

Are you exhausted from trying to be everything to everyone? The good daughter.. the amazing wife…the reliable friend..and the perfect employee?

Do you find yourself saying YES when you mean NO, fearing what others will think if you dare to be authentic and show up as the REAL you? 💔

First of all - you're not alone. I've been there, I've felt that same pressure to get it all right and show up in a way that everyone expected me to. And it SUCKED. I was drained, depleted, exhausted and physically an emotionally burned out.

And I'm here to tell you - it's possible to break free from that cycle and walk the path from self-suppression to self-expression! 🌟

If you find yourself:

• Constantly anxious and stressed about letting others down 🌪️
• Emotionally drained, with no time for YOU 🥀
• Feeling guilty for wanting something different 🎭
• Yearning for freedom, fulfillment, and your own voice 🦋
• Then it's time to get super honest with yourself and ask yourself if this is really how you want to live your life. And if that answer is no - then it’s time to start doing something about it instead of just wishing or hoping that things will change as you keep telling yourself and everyone around you that “something’s gotta give”.

As a mindset and life coach, I specialize in helping women like YOU overcome the stress, overwhelm and burnout that comes from living life under the shadows of Good Girl Syndrome. My entire mission revolves around guiding women just like you towards an authentic life that’s free of societal constraints and expectations so you can live life on YOUR terms, without guilt or shame and with the freedom to be who you truly are. ✨

Together, we'll build your inner advocate (a concept I created to kick your inner critic to the curb), stop the people pleasing (permanently), set firm boundaries, and and unearth your true desires so you can find the joy, passion and fulfillment inside of you that has been stifled for far too long.
My unique blend of mindset mastery (coupled with just the right dose of bad-assery,) spirituality and aspects of the divine feminine will awaken your inner leader, nurturing you from pain to purpose, confusion to clarity, chaos to calm and fear to freedom. 🌺

If that sounds like something that would feel good to you - drop me a DM and let’s connect! As I’ve learned life is already far shorter than we ever think it will be and too big of a gift to spend being someone you’re not and doing things you don’t actually love. So let's take the first step towards your authentic, empowered self. Your future is waiting, and from where I’m sitting, it's absolutely beautiful.

Being a good human doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be a “good girl” (or good boy!) I would even argue that being a perpetual good girl or good boy can actually stand in the way of your being a good human.

Sound crazy? Let me tell you why.

Being a good person involves honesty, authenticity and integrity (at least IMHO). And if you’re trying to please others or doing things simply to please others and secretly feeling resentment or annoyance over “having to do” whatever that thing is - you’re not acting from a place of honesty, authenticity or integrity.
To be clear - none of this is your fault.

When that happens chances are you’re acting from life-long programming that you may not even know is there. And that programming is reflective of what others have told you is the “right” thing to do and how a good person “should” behave.

But a part of you recognizes this to be false. Which is why you get that feeling of irritability, stress and annoyance. It’s also why you get a knot in your stomach when you do things out of obligation instead of true, authentic desire. (that part of you is your true voice by the way - and it’s trying to make itself heard)

You’re not the only one that was fed that programming by the way. But when that programming is still running the show, it can affect all of your thoughts, choices and decisions, and sometimes in ways that can keep you stuck in patterns of self-punishment and self-denial.

And the impact isn’t limited to your own life - it spills over into your interactions with others often influencing how they show up as a partner, a parent, a friend and even as an employee (or leader for those of you who are entrepreneurs). And while the scenarios may be different, the patterns are usually the same - overgiving, under-receiving and a complete lack of boundaries.

Over time, that “spillage” can lead to burnout, exhaustion, and lack of fulfillment coupled with a profound sense of loneliness from feeling unseen, unheard and unappreciated.
Which is exactly where I was a little over 10 years ago..when I was letting my own “good girl” programming run the show. And it wasn’t until I rejected the concept of who I thought I should be and fully embraced the woman I already was that I was able to step into the woman I wanted to become - or to put it more accurately - continue becoming. Because the truth is, that woman was already part of who I was.

I had just lost my connection to her.

As so many of us do when stepping into roles we think we need to play based on our cultural, familial and societal programming.
But it’s never too late to re-establish that connection. Or to become the woman you've always known you were meant to be. You don’t have to settle for a life that doesn't feel true to who you are. Or a life that leaves you feeling trapped in satisfying other people’s
expectations while ignoring your own.
You get to live a life that lets you feel free. A life that lets you be true to yourself and absolutely sure that you’re on the exact path that you were meant to be on. And you don’t have to change your whole life or sacrifice everything you've worked so hard for up until now to make that life your reality.
You just have to be willing to let go of the things that no longer serve you so you can make room for more of what you want. That means knowing how to recognize and release the past programming that may be keeping you stuck and preventing you from taking steps towards your ideal life. And repairing and reclaiming the relationship you have with yourself which is truly the most important relationship you will EVER have.

Those are just some of the ways I’ve seen people distract themselves so they don’t have to face the parts of their life (and themselves) that they would rather not see.🫣
​
Most of those people also have zero boundaries between their work life and their home life and as much as they blame the job for their inability to slow down or make a change, the truth is it’s easier for them to drown out those feelings of emptiness if they’re constantly “busy” and have something outside of themselves to blame for what they’re feeling on the inside. 🤫
​
And as exhausting as the busy-ness can be..the discomfort of acknowledging that maybe they’re just not as fulfilled or as happy as they would like to be feels even more debilitating.😔
​
The truth is most of them are worn out from spending their days constantly putting out one fire after another and then having to wash, rinse and repeat the exact same drill the very next day. ​ 😖
​
But they’re too afraid to make a change. ​ And most don’t even know where to begin.
​
Between the fear and the uncertainty, most are too overwhelmed to even try. ​ ​ 😰
​
If that’s where you are right now…don’t worry….I got you covered. ​ I put together a roadmap for creating your OWN self-liberation. And it’s actually much easier to do than you think 🌟
​
❶ Don’t be afraid to be yourself - actually, I DARE you to be authentic! And the best way to be authentic is to tune in to your own values and beliefs and then make those a priority when making decisions for your future. Live your own version of a good life, not one that’s designed to meet someone else's expectations. 🌟
​
❷ Let yourself be heard - even when it feels a little scary. ​ Your opinions matter, and it's OK to voice them, even if they invite disagreements. The disagreement is actually how growth happens. Some of the biggest shifts I’ve made in my own thinking and beliefs came about as a result of other people disagreeing with me. ​ Even if I didn’t agree with their way of thinking - it helped me see things from a different perspective which always prompts growth. ​ (I’m not talking about unsolicited life opinions or trolls here just to be clear - I mean genuine conversations based in mutual respect.) ​ 💬
​
❸ Forget perfectionism. It's not about your life (or you) being flawless, it's about embracing the beauty of the imperfections and learning to love them for what they bring to light. Mistakes are just stepping stones to more powerful decisions. 🌱
​
❹ Draw your boundaries. Protect your time, energy, and emotions. Remember, saying 'NO' is a complete sentence - and you don't need to explain or justify why you’re saying no. 🚧
​
❺ Spend time with your passion and your daydreams. Let your mind run free with imagination - the same way you did when you were a kid. What are those dreams you've been sidelining? Are they still calling you - maybe it’s time to answer the call and chase what truly sets your soul on fire. 🔥
​
❻ Prioritize self-care. We’ve all heard this before BUT I’ll say it again anyway. ​ You can’t pour from an empty cup. ​ You deserve to nourish your mind, body, and soul. Remember, self-care isn't selfish; it's essential. ​ And for the people who you’ll benefit as a result of being able to show up as your best self…it’s actually self-LESS. 🧘‍♀️
​
❼ Don't fear conflict. You don't have to love conflict or confrontation, but walking away from it isn’t the answer either. Especially if the reason you’re walking away is to “keep the peace” or keep everyone around you “happy.” ​ Conflict can lead to constructive change but you have to be willing to walk towards it and learn to navigate it in a positive and healthy manner so you can grow from it. 🌈
​
❽ Celebrate YOU! Your achievements deserve recognition. No matter how big or small, be proud of yourself for what you’ve accomplished. ​ Humility doesn’t mean minimizing yourself or you're successed. ​ So stop downplaying your success. You've earned it (and no man would ever downplay their success)! 🏆
​
❾ Believe in your worth. You are more than enough just as you are. Treat yourself with the same love, compassion and kindness you would show to others if you truly want to build unshakeable confidence and self-esteem. 💪
​
𝟏𝟬 Seek help when needed. It's OK to ask for help. A coach, counselor or mentor can guide you through this empowering journey. I wouldn’t be nearly as far on my journey without the guidance of my own mentors and coaches and I’m proud to admit that I care enough about myself and my growth to invest in myself. ​ I don’t see it as a symbol of shame even when others have judged me for it - I see it as a constant representation of the belief in my future self. 🙏
​
I’ve always loved the quote “it's not about the destination, but the journey”. And the further I get on my own journey the more that holds true for me. ​ So always remember to focus on the journey and the process - and know that every step you take is a victory. Celebrate it! You've got this, ladies! 💖
​
As always,
Afsheen

I’ve always enjoyed running. I love the feeling of being able to just lace on my shoes and go. And the way my mind runs free as my feet carry the rest of my body forward.

The sensation of each step hitting the pavement has felt like pure pain at times and pure bliss at others.

But knowing my body was capable of carrying me as far as it has on some days has always given me a sense of freedom and empowerment. And some of the deepest thoughts I’ve had and the most beautiful lessons I’ve learned have come out of all the miles I logged on the road - with nothing but me and my thoughts pounding against the pavement (and sometimes a good podcast).

Such as the fact that some days feel like a sprint while others feel more like a marathon. In both cases, preparation is key to having a good race.
Go at your own pace. Trying to keep up with others will only slow you down in the long run and in some cases, force you to drop out of the race before you reach the finish line. 🚫

Not everyone will cheer you on or wave back at you when you wave first…keep waving anyway and be your own biggest cheerleader.

Not everyone will understand why you’re out there, especially on the brutally hot days and the freezing cold days. Some will even think you’re crazy (and tell you that).

But grit and resilience are usually forged in extreme conditions - not the moderate ones. So go ahead and be the crazy one. 💃🏻

Running on a flat road may feel easier, but it won’t train you for the hills…and eventually you’re going to have to go up a hill (or few).

Don’t underestimate the power of rest and recovery. 💕

Sometimes you need to run by yourself, other times you need to run with others.

Even the most beautiful and scenic paths can have their share of hidden dangers. ⛔️

You won’t always set a new PR or crush your goals- and that’s okay.

If you only focus on crossing the finish line you may end up missing the most beautiful parts of the journey along the way. 🫶

Injuries and detours may seem like setbacks but they’re usually a signal to slow down and notice parts of your life you may have been ignoring or overlooking.

Just because other people think it's easy for you doesn’t mean it actually is. Celebrate yourself for making it look easy. 👏

No matter how far you go or how hard you work, someone will always think you could’ve gone farther or done more. Unless you aspire to be more like that someone - ignore them.

And the lesson I got on today’s run may be my favorite one yet, you can’t show up at your best until you’re willing to show up at your worst. Repeatedly. And love your worst just as much as you do your best. ❤️

As always,
Afsheen

I used to think the game of life was rigged against me. And that life was just something that was happening “to me”, instead of through me.

It was a very self-defeating way to live and played a huge role in my health issues after my physical body started to break down from the spiritual and emotional weight I had been asking it to carry for years on end.

And despite all the journaling, breathing, meditation and yoga I did and the countless self-help and spirituality books I read, nothing seemed to change. I struggled to understand why the very things that seemed to be creating incredible breakthroughs for others seemed to make no difference in my own life.

I found myself angry at the world, angry at God and most of all, angry at myself. This wasn’t how it was supposed to turn out. I had done all the things..checked all the boxes..followed the straight and narrow. And yet here I was sad, stagnant, and stuck while everyone else seemed to be moving on with their lives, and turning their dreams into a reality.

But that was yesterday. And a lot has changed since then.

Totally kidding. That was over 10 years ago. But a lot HAS changed - I wasn’t kidding about that part. So keep reading. ;)

As my health continued to decline and threaten every area of my life I knew something had to change.
I would love to tell you that the change was dramatic and fast but the truth is it wasn’t. And for a long time the reason I wasn’t able to create the change I wanted was because my mind didn’t actually believe that change was possible for me.

And because I didn’t truly believe it, I was looking to others to make change happen for me instead of looking to myself.
Coaches, healers, mentors, guides, shamans - I found them all. And as amazing as they were in their art and their guidance, they couldn’t actually do the work for me.

I was the one who had to do that.

I took a good hard look at myself and the role I had played in getting to where I was. Facing yourself can be the most challenging and difficult thing to do in life when you don’t like where you are or who you’ve become. And what I saw wasn’t all that pretty at first. But the truth was that everything that had led me to that point had been - in some way, shape and form - the result of a decision I had made and beliefs I had held in the past.

And if I wanted to change my results, I had to start making different decisions and choose new beliefs.

The more I started to embody my new thoughts and beliefs, the better I started feeling -physically, emotionally and energetically. Amazingly, the more I worked on my mind, the more resilient my body also became. It was then that I realized that my body hadn’t been responding to any of my healing efforts because my mind hadn’t been on board. It hadn’t believed that change and healing was possible.

By changing that belief, I was able to change my health - for the better. I finally felt aligned in mind, body and spirit. And that alignment is what ultimately helps to create a more fulfilling and meaningful life. Regardless of who you are or what you do. When all 3 are in harmony, so is life.

I truly believe that if we can learn to change our thoughts, we can change our entire experience of life, regardless of the events that may be unfolding around us.

I also believe every part of our journey - even the painful parts - offer us a gift, a lesson or an opportunity for transformation. So wherever you are in your own journey, look for the gift, the lesson or transformation that’s possible for you.

It’s in there somewhere. You just have to be willing to take a stand for it and believe in it.

As always,
Afsheen

4 Ways Your Inability To Say No To Others Could Be Destroying Your Happiness & Health
​
1️⃣ Missed Opportunities
​
Every time you say yes to one thing you're saying no to something else that could be more aligned with what you actually want to do. Over time this can limit your own growth and happiness.
​
2️⃣ Burnout
​
The more you say yes to others, the less time and energy you have for yourself which can eventually lead to more stress, less rest and feeling burned out.
​
3️⃣ Resentment
​
Saying yes when you actually want to say no can lead to feelings of resentment and being taken advantage of... neither of which is great for mental health.
​
4️⃣ Lack of Fulfillment
​
By constantly saying yes to others, you might be unintentionally neglecting your own needs and minimizing self care which can lead to frustration, unhappiness and lack of fulfillment.
​
Every time you say yes to one thing you’re saying no to another- how often are you saying no to yourself, your health and your happiness? 🤔
​
One of the biggest reasons people are unable to find the happiness and fulfillment they are craving is because they are spending their time saying yes to things that move them away from what they want and no to the things that will actually move them closer to what they want. ​
​
And it usually starts with boundaries- or a lack of them to be precise!
​
As Always,
Afsheen

Earlier this year my health took a backseat to deadlines in my day job and a new slew of goals for my business.

My stress levels and caffeine consumption were at an all time high while the quality of my sleep, recovery and nutrition were at an all time low. (And if the fatigue and brain fog wasn’t enough proof of that - my Oura and Firstbeat scores most certainly were!) 🤦🏽‍♀️

I justified it by telling myself that I had too many people relying on me and believing in me to slow down. But the truth was I was sliding back into old patterns of wanting to prove my worth and be everything to everyone.

And also show some of the haters that I could do everything they had said I couldn’t.

Instead of giving myself the grace I constantly encourage my clients to give themselves when pursuing their goals, I was giving myself daily headaches, pushing myself to mind-numbing levels of pain and exhaustion which was leading to my experiencing one injury after another. (Still haven’t gotten over that last injury!) 😓

I was doing the very things past experience had taught me not to.

I had also started to fall into the trap of comparing myself to others and re-hashing old hurtful memories that highlighted what was going wrong instead of all the things that had been going right.

I even found myself starting to lose my usual positive outlook. 😳

I started to feel lost and confused, and even started to question if I was still on the right path. (Thank you to my coaches, mentors and friends that pulled me out of that part quickly!)

My abilities were questioned. 🚫
My commitment faltered. 🚫
My creativity started to suffer.🚫
My auto-immune issues started to worsen. 🚫
And my fear and uncertainty started to heighten.🚫

Emotions that should have been immediately released were suppressed and were starting to find their way out in unhealthy and unproductive ways.

I knew better than this. I am better than this. And yet I was still backsliding.

And then I realized why. ‼️

I had let myself get so caught up in doing all the things that I thought I should be doing that I had lost my connection with myself and the reason I was doing all of those things to begin with.

I had lost my inner knowing.

The one that had kept me on track and helped me make decisions that were aligned with the life I wanted to live. The one that made sure I nourished my spirit just as much as I did my mind and my body.

And without a well nourished spirit, it wasn’t long before I stopped nourishing my mind and body the way the deserved to be. Hence the exhaustion, the headaches, and the confusion.
(And none of this was during Mercury Retrograde - so for once I couldn't blame that.) 😝

Looking back on those moments I can easily see how I got there. I stopped taking time to reflect and be with myself. I made sure every moment of my day was “productive” so I could reach my goals more quickly and stopped giving my mind and my body the rest they needed to stay healthy, remain inspired and continue being creative.

All of this was extra ironic considering I teach my clients to do the exact opposite. I was talking the talk but had stopped walking the walk. It’s no surprise that every area of my life suffered as a result. My health. My business. Even my relationships.

And I didn’t reach any of my goals more quickly. All I really did was push them away by becoming so fixated on them that I ended up creating vibrational resistance to the very things I wanted most and ended up staying stuck exactly where I was. 😒

So I made some decisions.

This week I’m going to focus on one of the biggest decisions I made - to give myself more time (and permission) to do the things that make me feel alive and bring me more joy. 🙌

This week I will pour just as much into my own cup as I have been pouring into others. ❣️

This week I will celebrate the good, acknowledge the bad and welcome the best. (Which is, of course, yet to come.) ❣️

This week I will spend more time empowering my inner advocate and less time worrying about my inner critic. ❣️

This week I will remind myself to keep holding my vision in my head..and keep holding the love that originally inspired that vision in my heart. ❣️

This week I will let myself reconnect with myself so I can find out what she needs right now and how I can best give that to her. ❣️

This week, I will focus on being true to myself and doing whatever it is that feels best at that moment. ❣️

I’m going to be spending some time just living instead of posting all the time.

That way when I do start posting again I can give you the best of me - and not just what’s left of me. 🥰

As always,
Afsheen

Painful experiences are a part of life. Very few people (if any) escape life without having painful experiences. And for some people, painful experiences can serve as a powerful motivator to change their life for the better. Those people have truly mastered the ability to turn their pain into their (super) power.

Turning your pain into your power is all about transforming the negative experiences and emotions into positive energy and motivation.

Here are some steps you can take:

1️⃣ Acknowledge your pain: It's important to recognize your pain instead of suppressing it. Allow yourself to feel the emotions that come with the pain.

2️⃣ Learn from the pain: Painful experiences can be great teachers. Try to learn from the experience and use it as an opportunity for growth and development.

3️⃣ Reframe your perspective: Instead of viewing your pain as a weakness, try to reframe your perspective and view it as an opportunity for strength. Recognize that you have the strength to overcome the pain and that it can serve as a source of motivation.

4️⃣ Focus on your goals: Use your pain as fuel to achieve your goals. Channel your energy and emotions into your work and your passions.

5️⃣ Connect with others: Connect with people who have gone through similar experiences. Sharing your pain with others can help you heal and feel empowered.

Pain is a part of life. We all experience it. But we don’t have to let it keep us from thriving. And there IS a difference. People who experience pain and thrive despite it and BECAUSE of it have learned to turn their pain into their power.

And you can do the same.

Remember, turning your pain into your power is a process and it takes time. Be patient with yourself and don't be afraid to seek help from a therapist or a support group if you need it.💕✨

As always,
Afsheen

You’re my good girl, I’m so lucky to have a good girl like you as my girlfriend. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.” ​ He said those words to me almost every night while we were together.
​
And then cheated on me with a beautiful, blond voluptuous stripper as he spiraled into addiction. ​ ​ ​
​
My heart felt as if it had been ripped from my body with bare hands when I followed my gut and confronted him about it. ​ He didn’t deny it. ​
​
It was the biggest gift anyone ever gave me.
​
I didn’t know it at the time, but that was the first of several pivotal moments that would ultimately shape the strength, character and resilience that I have since grown to rely on almost daily. ​ It was also the moment that a part of me that had been holding me back my whole life - my inner good girl - drank her first sip of poison. ​ ​ ​ ​
​
And started laying the foundation for who I continue to become to this day.
​
The initial anger and grief were mind numbing. I barely ate or slept for months. I kept myself endlessly busy and did anything and everything to avoid, numb and free myself of the pain that inevitably followed. And for almost a full year after, I walked around as a 90 pound shell of the person I used to be. ​ And yet, even in that shell, the “good girl” somehow managed to survive and keep herself alive. ​
​
Throughout it all, she was careful to keep that smile on her face even when her heart felt like doing nothing but crying. ​ 
​
✨She ignored the heartache and continued to show up for others even when her heart, mind and body kept begging for rest and pleading with her to show up for herself instead. ​
✨She was the first in every morning at work and one of the last to leave. ​
✨She acted unphased when asked how she was doing and smiled nonchalantly when others complimented her for how “strongly” she was handling it all.
✨She pretended she didn’t care and was “over it” even when it was all she thought about. Whatever it took to make sure nobody would think of her as being weak.
✨She became practiced at hiding her feelings in front of others. ​ And a master of ignoring them when she was alone.
​
And throughout it all, ​ she continued to work hard to make sure she didn’t disappoint anyone else by being too “caught up” in her own pain. ​ More than ever she put others first so they would all see just how “good” she was.
​
The relationship may have been gone but
the patterns that had led me there were still well and alive. ​ And continuing to play out. ​
​
And my inner good girl was hanging on them as if her life depended on it. And for her, it did.
​
Because without those patterns and all the pain they were repeatedly creating, she wouldn’t exist.
​
But you can only repress pain for so long. And when the pain becomes too intense to be repressed..it finds other, sneakier ways to express itself. ​ Some can be harmful and lead to even more pain. ​ Others can lead to a rebirth.
​
My pain found its outlet through the birth of my inner “bad(ass) girl”. ​ She didn’t show up right away. ​ I only saw glimpses of her for the first few years. ​
​
She was a little unsure of herself and uncertain of what life would look like if she let herself be fully seen. But the more I welcomed her and embraced her insights, the more powerful she became. ​ And that started what ultimately became very own good girl revolution. ​
​
To be clear, I’m not talking about suddenly burning bras, endless partying, becoming bitter and hating on men, ​ or deliberately trying to be “bad” somehow. ​
​
I’m also not talking about suddenly becoming a bad person. ​ That’s not what it means to let you of your inner good girl. 🚫
​
What I’m talking about goes way deeper. It meant tapping into and releasing parts of me that I had refused to acknowledge or allow others to see for years on end.
​
And once she was visible, I couldn’t stop looking at her. ​
​
My inner bad doesn’t ignore or avoid pain. ​ She tackles it head on and releases it so it doesn’t stay with her and continues to shape her actions even after the incident that caused the pain has ended. ​
​
She sets strong boundaries and has no problem letting people know when they’ve crossed them - both at work and in her personal life.
​
She speaks up when she feels disrespected. ​
​
She follows the Derek Sivers Rule of saying NO to anything that’s not a HELL YES. ​ ​
​
She’s willing to disappoint others if it means being supportive of herself instead.
​
She guards her energy closely and no longer makes herself physically or energetically available to people who don’t have her best interests at heart, don’t deserve her or don’t treat her the way she wants to be treated.
​
She knows her worth and refuses to let others diminish it simply because her life doesn’t meet their standards for having succeeded as a woman.
​
She no longer does things just to fit in or meet other people’s expectations. ​ The only approval she needs is her own. ​
​
She does all of that while still being compassionate, kind and honoring others. She’s pretty badass and loves to have my back.. ​
​
She’s also made it clear that she’s here to stay. ​ What I love most about her is I see her everywhere I go.
​
BECAUSE HER ESSENCE IS ALSO PART OF YOU.
​
The truth is, we all have our version of an inner “bad” girl. ​ But not all of us have learned how to unleash her. Mainly because we are taught from the time we are young to push her away and take on a persona that isn’t truly who we are in order to be loved, accepted and ​ cared for. ​ So we hide her away and do our best to forget she even exists. ​
​
And pretend we don’t need her...or want her in our life. ​ And that we’re happy exactly as we are without her. We become a mere shadow of the person we are meant to be. ​
​
And in the process, we dim our light - ​ in some cases turning it off entirely - and tuck our true self away in the dark where she is less likely to be seen. ​ ​ 😔
And less likely to be hurt.
​
Luckily it’s never too late to turn the lights back on. And step out of hiding and into the big, beautiful light that you were always meant to stand in. ​
✨To bring back those parts of yourself you’ve been denying for so long.
✨To feel whole again. ​
✨To feel free again.
✨To feel like your true self again.
​
If any of this resonates with you, your inner bad bi*ch is letting you know that she’s ready to step out of the darkness also and join in on the good girl revolution. ​
​
She ​ is ready to be seen. ​
​
She’s ready to be loved, accepted and acknowledged for the badass that she truly is. ​
​
She recognizes that she’s not the outcast that society has made her out to be for so long.
​
She’s ready to be set free so you can start living life on your own terms. And in a way that lets you be happy -and ​ not just everyone around you.🙌
​
So if you’re hearing her call- listen to her carefully. ​ There’s wisdom in her words. ​ And the message she brings could completely change your life for the better. 💕
​
As always,
Afsheen

I don’t subscribe to the new trend against positivity. I also don’t believe in the concept of “toxic positivity”. 🤫

Personally - I don’t think the words toxic and positive belong together. And I’m not in favor of referring to any form of positivity as “toxic”. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Because in my opinion - it’s not the positivity that’s toxic. It’s the deliberate avoidance, suppression and minimizing of someone’s emotion - whether that’s your own emotions or someone else’s - that’s actually toxic.

Not the effort to remain positive during the process. Sometimes that’s just a natural survival instinct that kicks in for some people to help them better understand and process the emotion.

And in my experience, a person can authentically and successfully process even the most negative of emotion while still being a positive force. They are not always mutually exclusive. Of course there may be moments..even days…when they might be mutually exclusive as we move through extreme heaviness- but they don’t always have to be.

I’ve seen countless friends and mentors move and process HEAVY emotion out of their system and help others do the same while still maintaining a positive outlook on life. Their positivity in the most difficult of circumstances has never felt toxic to me. Quite frankly, it has been an inspiration. 🙌

And their positivity isn’t a byproduct or result of them burying their emotion. Quite the opposite. It arises out of their courage and willingness to run head first into that emotion and feel it - fully. Without losing their positivity. That’s the difference between simply trying to “be positive” and letting yourself EXPERIENCE positivity.

And people who experience positivity aren’t just “being positive”. They are the flesh and blood embodiment of positivity itself. ✨

Their positivity is part of who they are at their very core. These incredible humans who I am lucky enough to be able to have as friends have somehow learned to be positive despite their troubles and actually - BECAUSE of their troubles.

They’re not toxic – they’re magic. 💫

So can we please stop villainizing people who have somehow cultivated the ability to face, process and address all of their emotions in a healthy manner, and still come across as positive despite the pain they may be experiencing??

In my view – the ability to maintain a positive outlook while dealing with negative or challenging situations is the true definition of resiliency (which is another word taking a beating right now but that’ll be a post for another day).

For those who truly embody positivity, it continues to exist even in the depths of despair. And in their world, even in the midst of extreme sadness, positivity can be the match that lights the flame that eventually lights their way back out of the darkness. 💥

I know some incredible and inspiring people who inhabit more inner strength, resiliency -and you guessed it, positivity than they “should” according to some people.

And yet they do.

I choose to see them not as toxic but as lighthouses that continue to shine for all of us even when the skies and waters around them are pitch black. It takes a special person to be that bright of a light.

And personally, I’m grateful for knowing people who are willing to be that light in my life.🙏💕

As always,

Afsheen

So you’ve made power moves in your professional life and didn’t just climb the corporate ladder - you jumped up 2 rungs at a time. ​
​
And now you’re at the top. ​ Looking down. ​ And suddenly the view from top doesn’t look so great.
​
Instead of seeing blue skies and fluffy clouds - you see nothing. ​ Just emptiness.
​
And land that seems too far away to even try to get back to. ​
​
This isn’t what it was supposed to look like.
​
This isn’t what it was supposed to feel like.
​
Deep down ​ you know you want more for yourself. ​ But part of you wants desperately to be happy with what you have. ​ It’s everything you’ve wanted. ​ And everything you were told your whole lie would make you happy. ​ And successful. ​
​
And yet the way you feel inside is anything but happy or successful. ​ ​ Others don’t understand why you’re feeling this way. ​ And some days you’re not even sure if you understand it. ​ ​ But something inside keeps insisting there HAS to be something more than just this. ​
​
And you want to believe you’re capable of finding that something more..whatever it is.
​
The only problem is that right now you’re more afraid of the uncertainty that comes with the unknown than you are of the gnawing emptiness that keeps lingering inside of you the longer you stay in the known. ​
​
And you get what you tolerate, for as long as you’re willing to tolerate it. ​
​
The change you’re craving can’t happen until you stop tolerating the life you have and start creating the life you want
​
Because the truth is, the reason you're feeling this way is the life you’ve created isn’t based on your needs, your thoughts or even your desires. ​ It’s built on years of programming and taking in information from others who were filling your mind with their view of a good life.
​
Not yours.
​
And somewhere along the way, you bought into their beliefs of how you should live life. ​
​
And forgot about your own.
​
The good news is that by simply recognizing that you want something more or different - you’ve already taken your first step towards calling it in. ​ Awareness is the first step to creating a new vision for yourself and your life.
​
The second step is to be committed to that vision. ​ Commitment means you have to do more than just be able to see it. ​ You have to be able to live it, breathe it, feel it and become it. ​ ​
​
And most of all, believe in it.
​
You’re worthy of becoming whoever you want to be and living the life you crave- no matter who you are, what your current circumstances may be, how old (or young!) you are or what limitations you may think you have. ​
​
The story that’s been running your life up until now doesn’t have to be your script for the future. ​ You can re-write the narrative at any time.
​
That’s where I come in. Helping people reinvent themselves is my specialty and my passion. I’ve reinvented myself at least three times in the last decade alone. ​ And I plan to continue that process until the day I die.
​
And I want to help you do the same.
​
If you’re ready to stop living a life that doesn’t represent who you truly are or what you truly want, and ready to reinvent yourself so you can finally start living life on your own terms ​ - let’s talk. ​ Redefining yourself or your dreams isn’t as hard as it seems. ​
​
You just need clarity on what exactly it is that you want to redefine, and a plan that lays out the path to make it happen. ​ Yes I know that sounds a little too simple - but guess what, it really does get to be THAT simple. ​
​
Xoxo,
Afsheen

I wish I hadn’t been such a “good girl" when I was younger.

I wish I would’ve broken the rules more often. Studied a little less. Allowed myself to have more fun. Put travel before money. Worried less about debt and more about experiences. Valued pleasure just as much as I valued success.

I also wish I had spent more nights partying my butt off like some of my friends, started drinking waaay earlier than I actually did, and hooked up with all the hot guys I met along the way instead of turning them away.

And I definitely wish I would have spent a lot more nights coming home long after the sun was already up and miserably regretting it the next day.

As I enter my 50th year on this earth I am grateful for all the experiences I’ve had - but I spent far too much of my life being a “good girl” who prided herself on always “doing the right thing”, keeping my head down and my nose in the books so I could “make something of myself, always watching my mouth (unlike the F bombs I frequently drop now), never partying too hard or after hours , staying away from the “bad” boys (well trying anyway), and never ever drawing too much attention to myself.

Those were the things that were reserved for the “bad girls”.

Some of those so-called “bad girls” were friends of mine. Friends who have lived full, rewarding and pretty damn delicious lives. Their lives haven’t been easy or problem free by any means and every now and then, even they feel a slight pang of regret. But they’ve lived in a way that felt true to them. A life that’s chock full of memories that still bring a smile to their face.

And no one questions if they’re “good” or “bad” anymore.

Now that I'm older (much older lol), I can’t help but wonder - why is the definition of whether a woman -or man for that matter - has to be based on whether they follow the same path as everyone around them?

And why is that path based on superficial things like what they wear, what they do, how much money they make, how “demure” they are or even how many partners they’ve had - instead of simply getting to know them for WHO they are?

I drank the kool-aid too. For a long time I held on to a false narrative of who I had to be and what I needed to do to make sure I would be seen as a “good girl” . I bought into and actively supported the good girl programming and beliefs that had been passed down to me from so many others, and even started to see others through the lens of that programming.

The worst part is that a lifetime of good girl programming didn’t just limit me in my personal life. Once I started working it even bled over into my work life...often keeping me silent during meetings even when I knew I had a lot to contribute, stopping me dead in my tracks every time I found myself disagreeing with a position others were taking… and frequently keeping me trapped in situations that I knew I was better off leaving behind.

I repeatedly played right into the hands of the good girl programming that my culture and society at large had laid down as gospel. I was chained to the image and illusion of becoming who I thought I “should” be instead of embracing who I truly was.

And somehow that illusion of who I should be always seemed to be one step ahead of me. She was impossible to catch and I could never match the perfection she constantly allured me with. Somehow she was always faster, more successful, more lovable and more desirable than me. Maybe that’s why it always seemed that no matter what I did or how much I accomplished, it never seemed to be enough. I was constantly chasing a myth that had no place in my reality.

And running a race I could never truly win.

So I stopped running. And ironically, that’s also exactly the moment I started winning. That’s the beauty of running your own race. You will always win. Because the only person you’re competing against is yourself. And if your image of yourself is healthy and aligned with who you want to be instead of who you think you should be or need to be - the race becomes effortless.

And so does your ability to show up as your true self.

There is a unique sense of freedom that comes from breaking free of paradigms that aren’t reflective of who you truly are. You find yourself automatically gravitating towards the things that bring you joy, feel aligned with who you are and make your heart feel alive. You learn to discern between desire and need and have no problem walking away from people, places and circumstances that you thought you needed but don’t actually desire.

You become a woman who’s not afraid to stand in her power, show up as her authentic self, and speak her mind and shine her light so brightly that even the sun might be a little jealous. ;)

Maybe that's what my definition of a “good girl” should have been all along. Either way, it’s the one I live by now. And it’s the one I will continue to live by and hopefully be able to share and pass down to women who will be around long after I’m gone.

Don’t give up who you truly are to become someone you think others will want (or like) better. It’s not worth it and it won’t give you the happy ending that’s promised along the way. It’s also never too late to live life in a way that feels true to you, even if it means disappointing others.

You get to decide what you want for yourself - without shame, fear or guilt about what others might think.

There are women all across the world fighting for their right to express themselves and be who they truly are. Some are even dying for those rights. It’s time to stand in solidarity with them. It’s time for a #goodgirlrevolution.

Who’s in?

Xoxo,
Afsheen

"Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power." - Lao Tzu

In order to master yourself, you have to be able to master your thoughts.

But sometimes it's not so much about changing a thought as much as it is about changing and redefining the impact that thought has on you.

Let me explain.

So many of our thoughts are automatic and will enter into our mind whether we want them to or not. Especially the painful and negative ones. Those seem to have an EZPass to our mind.

But what you do with those thoughts once they find their way in doesn't have to be automatic. The problem is, most people's response to unwanted thoughts ends up becoming automatic because they don't realize that they can actually control it or change it and with enough repetition of the same response, it becomes practiced and habitual and eventually - automatic.

That's why consistently strengthening and mastering your mindset is so important.

A well developed mindset lets you control how you react and respond to your thoughts. And the more you can control your reaction and your response, the greater your ability to regulate your emotions.

And the more you are able to master your mindset, the more you learn to master yourself. And once you learn to truly master yourself - it's only a matter of time before you master life itself. Because when you change how you think, you change how you show up which then changes what you then do. And when you change what you do, your results will change also.

If you're not sure where to begin when it comes to stopping or changing your responses to automatic negative thoughts, here's some tips that may help:

1️⃣ Become familiar with your negative thought patterns: Awareness really is the first step to creating almost every change in life. Start by paying attention to your thoughts and notice what situation or triggers seem to lead to the negative ones making an appearance.

2️⃣ Monitor your response. Notice if you have any automatic responses that seem to take over the minute the thoughts come in. That's your practiced response - and the best way to replace an automatic, practiced response you don't want to have is by deliberately and intentionally replacing it with the one you want to have instead. Even if the automatic one makes its way in first, follow it up with your new one with one and keep doing that until the new one becomes the more practiced response.

3️⃣ Limit your exposure to situations and triggers for negative thoughts. We may not be able to completely eliminate or even control every situation or trigger that leads to negative thoughts, but we can try to reduce our exposure to them.

4️⃣ Incorporate small things throughout your day that bring you joy and make you smile. Whether it's a quick walk outside, taking 5 minutes to stop by your work bestie's office or giving your kids or dogs a hug. Make time for it. The more positive events you log each day, the less impact the negative or triggering ones will have on our thoughts.

Changing automatic responses to negative thoughts can take time and practice so be patient with yourself and don't forget to celebrate small wins along the way.

One of the best ways I’ve found to manage stress and increase productivity is by managing my thoughts and my mindset.
​
Learning to cultivate an empowering mindset has maximized my results (both personally and professionally!) while minimizing the time, strain and effort requires to produce the results. ​ Some of the tips and strategies I’ve found helpful in developing an empowering mindset include the following:
​

1. Set clear and specific goals: Having well-defined ​ (and well thought out) objectives helps to focus your efforts and connects you to a sense of purpose.
   ​
2. Practice positive self-talk: Being mindful of the thoughts and words you use to describe yourself, your circumstances and your abilities can help to build confidence and motivation and change the trajectory of your goals.
   ​
3. Embrace failure and mistakes: Failure is an inevitable part of life, and presents a valuable opportunity for growth if you’re willing to learn from it.
   ​
4. Focus on staying resilient in the face of adversity: Developing the ability to bounce back from setbacks and challenges will help to build emotional strength and mental toughness.
   ​
5. Surround yourself with supportive people: Having a strong support system can provide encouragement and motivation, as well as help you to stay accountable to your goals.
   ​
6. Cultivate mindfulness: Mindfulness practices like meditation and yoga can help to reduce stress, increase focus and improve overall well-being.
   ​
7. Prioritize self-care: Paying attention to your physical and mental health, eating well, and getting enough sleep will help you to stay energized, focused and mentally strong.
   ​
8. Last but not least- learn to find the joy in each moment, even the seemingly mundane ones. It’ll set the tone for your day and ultimately your life. 💕
   ​
   That means exposing yourself to new ideas and new ways of being and doing things differently than you have been until now. ​ It may not be easy at first. Letting go of an identity usually never is actually. And it may not feel all that fun in the beginning. ​
   ​
   But it is always doable. ​
   ​
   All you need is a roadmap to get you there.
   ​
   Xoxo,
   Afsheen

How different do you think your life would be if you focused more on the things that ARE working out for you and less on the ones that aren't?

Since the time we are little we’re taught to focus on where we fall short.

In school, papers mark what you got wrong - not what you got right.

In the workplace reviews usually focus on where you need to improve with little emphasis (if any) on what you’re doing right.

Even in relationships, I constantly hear people complain that their significant other is always finding their flaws.

It’s no wonder most of us are constantly focusing on what’s wrong and needs improvement as opposed to what’s right and should be celebrated and cultivated. Our whole life we’re trained and conditioned to look for the problems - in ourselves, our lives and even in other people.

I was recently working with a client who mentioned she felt as if she was wasting her life because she hadn’t had any “real” wins in a while and was still years away from reaching her financial goals.

She felt depleted, depressed and discouraged. And as much as she hated feeling that way, she also didn’t know how to change it.

The answer was actually pretty simple, she needed to shift her focus from how far she still had to go to how far she had already come. The problem was she was so focused on the things she was doing “wrong” in life that she was missing all the things that she was doing RIGHT.

In his book “The Gap and the Gain”, Benjamin Hardy talks about how unhappy successful people tend to focus on the gap between where they are as compared to where they want to be, while happy successful people focus on the progress - and gains - they’ve made since they first started.

By focusing on what she hadn’t achieved, my client was keeping herself trapped in the gap. To get her out of the gap, we started a “gains list”.

Every day at the end of the day my client reflected on at least one thing that had gone well for her or moved her forward in some way. And it didn’t even have to relate directly to her goal. As long as she had gained something from it, it went on the list.

And everything that went on the list got celebrated. It didn’t take long for her to shift her focus OFF the things she felt were going wrong and onto everything that was RIGHT.

Her mood changed, her attitude changed, even the way she showed upon our calls started to change.

She was energized, radiant and hopeful. Exactly the opposite of our first call together.

My invitation to you today is to take a few minutes to reflect on your own gains and what they mean to you. Take some time to appreciate your progress and thank yourself for all the work you've done to get to exactly where you are right this minute.

It seems like a simple concept but the effects can be life changing.

I would love to hear about your gains and what you’re feeling proud of! So drop a comment below and let me know what’s going on YOUR gain list today.

Xoxo,
Afsheen

It’s true what they say, sometimes you have to just be in the moment. ​ And not just the good ones that fill your heart with joy and gratitude - but the bad ones also. ​
The ones that fill your heart with an unexplainable sadness and melancholy.
​
As grateful as I am for this past year, if I’m being really honest, 2022 was a mixed bag for me. ​ There were plenty of highs. ​
​
But there were also plenty of lows. ​ And I think they deserve just as much acknowledgement and respect as the highs.
​
And as I sat and reflected on the past year so I could plan this next one I felt the lows start to loom larger and take a form of their own..as if to challenge me and mock my plans for the upcoming year. ​
​
They had snuck in like a trojan horse and suddenly taken control of my mind, filling me with doubt and questioning the steps I had taken over the year that just passed and those I was planning to take in the year to come. ​ ​ ​ ​
​
Stealthy little suckers those self-defeating thoughts. ​
​
But the truth is, we all have them. It’s part of being human. It’s also part of growing and evolving.
​
A younger version of me would have either turned away from these thoughts and pretended they weren’t there - or spiraled into a black hole of self-criticism, blame, shame and negativity. ​ That version is still a part of me - she just no longer runs the show.
​
Which is how I know I’ve made progress in this ever continuing journey of self exploration, growth and awareness.
​
Because the version that is currently staring back in the mirror at me didn’t shame, or judge or hide - she got curious. ​
​
I found myself asking what would happen if I just sat with those feelings and let myself feel them instead of hiding from them or judging them. And what if I didn’t worry about raising my vibration or jumping back into positivity as quickly as possible? ​ What if I let these “low vibe” thoughts and feelings tell me why they were here instead?
​
And so I sat. ​ And I listened. ​ And let the thoughts unfold. ​
​
And the more I welcomed them and allowed them to be, the less they started to impact me. ​ You see sometimes it’s less about actually ​ changing the thoughts and emotions and more about changing the impact they have on us. ​ ​ And we can’t change what we can’t see. ​ Which is why bearing witness to our thoughts and emotions - especially the painful and unwanted ones - can actually be such a powerful catalyst for changing and releasing them. ​
​
And the gateway for making progress on this beautiful journey we know as life. ​
Progress and growth isn’t measured or defined by avoiding unwanted thoughts, feelings and emotions. That’s just a form of denial. True progress and growth is reflected in our responses to any unwanted thoughts, emotions and feelings that may come unexpectedly strolling into our minds and bodies.
​
So the next time you find yourself thinking thoughts you’d rather not have, feeling emotions you’d rather ignore, I invite you to get curious. ​ Ask yourself what are they trying to say to you..what are they hoping to make you aware of? ​ ​
The answers may surprise you, and possibly even set you free. 💕
​
Xoxo,
Afsheen

I have a love/hate relationship with motivation. ​
​
Don’t get me wrong, I am all for inspiring and motivating others. ​ It’s part of my brand after all and most of my own success has been - at least in part - inspired or motivated by advice in the books I’ve read, tips others have shared and strategies that I know have worked for others and felt right for me as well.
​
But in each case, the “felt right” part was what determined whether I followed them. ​
I didn’t just blindly start following routines that other people have in place or force myself into doing things other people were doing simply because it’s what worked for them. ​
​
And the few times I did try to force myself into someone else’s “success routine”, I ended up in burnout. And in one instance, I triggered a storm of autoimmune issues which took years to manage. ​
​
Maybe that’s why I’m so hyper-sensitive to some of the tips that I see about what it takes to “succeed” and how to maximize your time and increasing productivity through a “one size fits all”, rigid and uncompromising routine. ​
​
And while I agree that we we all have the same number of hours in each day, the way we can best use them is often influenced by more than just our thoughts, willpower, or determination. ​ Yes those can be factors in whether we are part of the 5 am club or late night club - but so can our genetics, chronotype, stress levels and even our hormone levels.
​
That’s why an early wake-up may be ideal for some people and completely decrease productivity - and in some cases -adversely impact the health of other people. ​
So if you want to maximize productivity and long term success, choose a routine that works for YOU - not your favorite author, guru or social media influencer. ​ Find one that you can actually stick with and that leaves you feeling good, both physically and emotionally. ​
​
At the end of the day we all know that you can’t fit a square peg in a round hole. ​ And yet that’s exactly what most people try to do when it comes to themselves. ​
​
Give yourself some grace and space to figure out what works best for you. Start with the basics ​ When are you most productive? ​ When do you do your best thinking? ​ When do you feel most energetic? ​ ​ Are you a morning person or night person? ​ Do you need more than 7 hours sleep or less than 7 hours to feel and perform your best? The answers to those questions should form the foundation for your daily schedule and routine.
​
If you’re not sure of the answers try using a tracker (Oura ring is my favorite) to help you figure it out if you’re not sure. Or ask for help. There are plenty of people and resources out there that can help you figure out what works best for your body. ​ As an aside, I highly recommend my own performance coach and mentor Angela Foster. She is truly a magician when it comes to maximizing productivity and performance without sacrificing your health (and sanity). ​
​
Success isn’t a one-size-fits all process and there’s no one schedule that works for everybody. We’re unique beings with unique, multifaceted needs and abilities. ​ And to make the most of your abilities, you have to be willing to meet your needs. ​
And there’s no better day to start than today. 💕
​
Xoxo,
Afsheen

I firmly believe that if we truly want to heal our body, we need to start with our mind.
I was about 16 years old the first time I experienced my first episode of auto-immune issues. I was put on various medications which temporarily relieved some of my symptoms but never actually addressed any of the root causes of my symptoms.
By the time I was in my late 20s even more unexplainable issues started to sprout up. And by the time I was in my 30s, there wasn’t a single part of my body (or my life) that wasn’t being affected. And I still had no explanation as to what was causing any of it.
I felt as if my own body had betrayed me. And on the worst days it almost felt like life itself had betrayed me.
It also didn’t help that most of the doctors I saw (especially back then) simply weren’t that familiar with auto-immune issues. Some were even dismissive of them and treated me as if I was an annoyance.
“There’s nothing wrong with you dammit and I have real patients to see” was the screaming response I got from one doctor after I called him for help after being fired from my job because I was no longer able to function at the level they needed.
The most common solution they all had involved some concoction of antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication.
I won’t lie, I questioned my own sanity at times when going through all of these issues especially when everyone seemed to be repeatedly telling me “it was all in my head.” And I almost gave up on more than one occasion.
But something inside of me always kept fighting…and questioning…and looking for answers. I hated that part of me back then. Part of me wanted to just give in, take the meds and numb it all out.
But I didn’t.
I decided to become my own advocate instead. And I decided to take matters into my own hands. And that decision ended up being the best one I could have ever made.

It took me over a decade of constantly learning, researching, experimenting and being uncomfortable but I was soon able to see a faint light at the end of what seemed like an incredibly long and dark tunnel. Throughout it all, I had to constantly work on believing in myself, and believing that change was possible- even on the days that my body was telling me the exact opposite.

And in the process I learned just how important my thoughts were in creating the reality I was living. People tell me all the times that thoughts aren’t real - they’re just a thought. And while that may be true, the fact is that most of us base our actions on our feelings, and those feelings are usually the result of our thoughts. And if we keep thinking thoughts that create negative feelings and emotions, it’s only a matter of time before those feelings -and the actions we take because of them - adversely impact our body and our reality.

So in that sense, thoughts are far more than just things. But it’s up to us to determine how much power we give to those thoughts - and whether that power works for us or against us.

A huge part of my ability to keep going (and ultimately start to feel better both physically and emotionally) was the result of my thoughts. I actively chose to think that feeling better was an option.

I also actively chose to think that my past actions had somehow played a role in everything I was experiencing and that I could use my thoughts to change create a new experience for myself.

And if I could change how I was experiencing things - maybe I could change how my body was experiencing them too.

That led to more experimenting. And ultimately, a complete dismantling of everything I thought I was - and should be- followed by the emergence of the person I wanted to be instead.

And it all started with my thoughts. Thoughts that led to a change in what I was feeling which led to a change in how I was experiencing what I was feeling.

That’s not to say that I didn’t do any work on my body. I did tons. There was a lot of healing, releasing and energetics involved also. But in order to truly benefit from those things, the hard charging, type-A, “you will never will you see me cry” version of me had to first change my thoughts around them. And open up to receiving them. Without guilt. Without judgment. Without shame. And without making them mean something about me that wasn’t actually true.

Changing your reality starts with changing your experience. And you can change your experience by changing your thoughts. The mind and body are deeply connected. And while most coaches will hate me for saying this - I believe the mind is the true gateway to change.

The body will ultimately follow our mind. Use your mind carefully. Use it to improve your experience. Use it to create a reality you love.

That’s truly how powerful your mind is. And that’s truly how powerful you are.

A common complaint I hear from clients is they feel as if they are lacking meaningful connections. They don’t want to spend time in conversations that are just “surface level”. They want depth, meaning and substance.

I get it, I crave those things also.

A big part of cultivating more meaningful and fulfilling relationships with others (and ultimately creating a more meaningful and fulfilled life) involves knowing when - and how - to have difficult conversations with others. But before we can truly lean into difficult conversations with other, we need to be willing to have difficult conversations ourself.

After all, YOU are the most impactful person in your life on a daily basis. And the conversations you're having with yourself can often determine the level of success you're experiencing...or not experiencing. Both in life, and in your relationships with others.

This means asking yourself some pretty tough questions when a situation or relationship feels challenging. Not sure what to ask yourself?

Here’s a few prompts to help you start that conversation:

1. What are you pretending not to know?
2. What are you gaining from pretending not to know it- in other words what are you avoiding by pretending to not know?
3. What needs to change now that you know the truth?

These questions have always helped guide me through stressful and challenging situations. And while the process of answering these questions isn't always easy, it will likely be pretty eye opening. And in my experience, just starting the inner dialogue, and reflecting on what the answers might be can help you show up more powerfully and authentically, both for yourself and for others.

So chat away - and let me know how it worked out for you!