Nix Stephens

In our online sessions, I will invite you to explore the areas of your life where you might feel stuck and/or unfulfilled. It is my job to guide and support you in making positive and lasting changes. My clients come from all over the world and are often parents as well as hard-working professionals. I have assisted my clients with anxiety, loneliness, career development, depression, and work/life balance. I have worked as a coach online for over 5 years now. Please feel free to connect with me so that I might answer any questions you have.

A red-faced and rather sweaty woman I used to know told me that she went for the “most punishing gym session” once. She told me with a satisfied smile I guess, but it got me thinking about the language we use to describe exercise. We seem to have this idea that food can be “naughty” and that exercise can be “punishment”. I decided to have a think about that and work out how I felt about my food and my exercise.

I knew that I wanted to tone up and get strong again after my second daughter was born. I remember glamorously climbing the stairs with a small basket of laundry and finding myself completely out of breath at the top. We only have one set of stairs! I was carting 18kg of extra body weight around and I had not been for so much as a fast walk in years. I wanted to get strong but I didn’t want to exercise. Just the idea of getting into the clothes required to exercise scared me and felt so unfamiliar. But, I knew it was time. Time to use the gym membership I had owned for three years and barely used.

Another friend of mine had discovered how much her workouts improved when she listened to great music and suggested to me that I do the same. I realized that my gym had wi-fi and instead of just listening to music, I watched You Tube! I got on the elliptical walker and I watched the most inspiring videos I could find. Inspiring people are like fuel for me. I can’t get enough of the Wayne Dyers and Gabrielle Bernsteins of the world. I found that I hardly noticed I was exercising and didn’t want to stop! For some of you you might prefer to watch your favourite TV show or a fascinating documentary.

The point is – the time at the gym became my time to connect with and enjoy myself. Not only was I working my body, but also my mind. I left that elliptical walker every day with endorphins flowing as well as ideas. It sounds so simple but using You Tube to deliver me more than a workout has led to what I call “layering” in my Coaching Practice. It’s not enough to want to exercise to lose weight. We need more than that to stay inspired and for the workout routine to become a desired part of every possible day. We need our exercise time to become a “non-negotiable” and need it like we need our morning coffee or hugs from our loved ones. I believe the way to do that is by layering your exercise with whatever it is that you love.

Perhaps you love to dance or maybe swimming is what makes you feel the most powerful and free? Think about what you loved to do as a child. Did you love team sports perhaps? Maybe you were a great tennis or squash player back in the day and remember it being an excellent workout AND a good laugh. If you love the social aspect of sports, make your exercise social! A client of mine loves to dance but she has two small children and doesn’t feel ready to leave the house without them. I suggested she dance with them and introduce them to her favourite music. She did it and they all had a blast! Bring love into your workouts and I am willing to bet you’ll be inspired to make movement a part of your life.

Work out how you love to move and engage with your body in that way. Layer your movement with music or entertainment that you love. The next thing you know you might find yourself deeply enjoying your exercise time and unable to consider the idea of “punishing” your amazing body ever again.

With love,

Nix.

I was listening to a Podcast the other day and the teacher said, “What women truly want is presence.” My phone was playing from the next room and I heard this as “presents.” I laughed aloud and thought, “Ok…yeah why not?” And then he went on to elaborate and it became clear that he meant PRESENCE. My next thought was “but that’s not just women, that’s everyone.” The relationships that feel the most healthy and real to me are the ones in which both members truly show up for each other with love and FOCUS. It’s not just about being in the room, it’s about being truly interested in and engaged with the person in front of you. It’s about the person you love being interested in and truly engaged with you.

A friend of mine posted a sweet quote on Facebook, which said, “Love to a child is spelt T I M E.” But once again, that’s not just the case for children is it? It is the case for all of us. Knowing that someone is there for you when you are in need and also knowing that they just enjoy being with you – that is presence and that feels like love. My clients and I speak a lot about self-love and deservedness. Self-love sounds like a lovely thing to everyone but not everyone is able to take the time to work out what it really feels and looks like to them. “I want to learn how to love myself more, but how do I do it exactly?” is the question that I get. Self-love begins with taking the TIME to work out who you are and what you need. Being present to authentic yourself and letting that be important. (If you struggle with this process, book a free consultation with me and we will get started together.)

From there you will start to realize, embody and understand that you deserve and are worthy of love from another/ others. That is also when you also start to notice who is saying, “I love you” but not actually being present to you and giving you their focus and time. Do you believe you are worthy of another person’s time and focus? If so, start to watch the way in which you interact with people. Are you truly engaged with them? Are they truly engaged with you? It’s a self-loving exercise.

I also had a laugh and a little think about presents. Giving and receiving actual gifts can be such an interesting exchange. When you give someone a gift it can be the opportunity to tell him or her what they mean to you. And of course, when someone gives you a gift it is telling you what you mean to him or her. Once again it comes down to time and focus. Did that person really think about getting something for you that you know would delight you and make you feel special, noticed and focused upon? It’s an interesting one isn’t it?

Another self-loving exercise would be to have a little think about something you might do for yourself. A gift or an activity that would delight you. I don’t just mean “go for a massage or get your nails done” unless that is something that deeply delights you. I mean have a think about something that you could do for yourself that would really REALLY be a gift.

What would delight your soul and leave you feeling inspired and satisfied?

There’s a lot of talk about self-love around and about and it’s wonderful but it’s not always very practical. I hope that this helps and gives you something to think about and act upon in your daily life.

With love,

Nix.