"Feelings are much like waves, we can’t stop them from coming but we can choose which one to surf." -Jonatan Martensson
I hated roller coasters when I was a little kid. Being a little ball of anxiousness, the thought that people would willingly and excitedly put themselves on a machine that has an opportunity to cause death, bring out fear, and make you feel out of control, felt more like the definition of what happens in the next life if you don’t behave yourself in this one!
But I have come around to love roller coasters. Even as an adult, I still love going to amusement parks and riding the twisting turning, upside down, jerk-you-around roller coasters, screaming with my hands in the air and coming to a sudden halt. Why have I grown to love them? I suppose it is because when I am on one, I know that it has been tested, designed, guaranteed to be safe and reaches its destination in a controlled manner.
Through my work with Conscious Transformation, I have realized that I lived a life of being on a mental and emotional roller coaster. My thoughts and emotions were dependent on what was happening around me, what people thought of me, where I was in my career, how people treated me, how much money I made or didn’t make, what my body looked like and many other things. I would have an emotional reaction, which took me down a mental and emotional spiral of a roller coaster.
Before stepping into the work of the system of Conscious Transformation, I thought that I would do the work for a while, become "enlightened," and then I could stop doing the work. Well, that’s silly because what I have found is that when one layer is uncovered and tended, there is another deeper layer to tend. Last year, I had the opportunity to tend another layer of mine that showed me up close and personal the emotional roller coaster that I was riding.
About one year ago, I started having neurological symptoms. I had numbness in my hand and my foot. It felt like my brain was swollen in my skull. I began having word-finding issues and brain fog, my whole body felt toxic, my throat would close at night, and I just wanted to sleep. It took everything I had to just make it through my day. I went to a different doctor every week, never leading to an accurate diagnosis. I got put on three different antibiotics. Well, I have to admit that during this time, I was not an emotional master by any means; I was more like an emotional kindergartner. Any tool that I had learned in my decade of training with Conscious Transformation seemed gone from my toolbox, vanished magically from my mind. I experienced great terror, anxiety, hopelessness and frustration to levels that I never had before.
Finally, after three months of unanswered questions, I got the diagnosis of Lyme disease. I was so happy to get this information, not because I was thrilled about the diagnosis, but that I finally knew what was going on in the body. I began my journey of working with some amazing practitioners, yet the patterns of frustration, fear and hopelessness remained. This emotional roller coaster continued until I went to a Conscious Transformation Power of Emotion weekend. I became aware of what patterns were showing up for me and how they were impacting me, in my life and in the body. I was riding a roller coaster of emotion, depending on how the body was feeling that day.
In Denver, where I live, there is a roller coaster called The Mind Eraser. It is described as "a monster roller coaster that suspends riders and blasts them through rollovers, dives and double corkscrew spins at speeds greater than 50 mph." This describes how I was living. What a perfect analogy for my experience, as I had little access to my critical thinking or clarity of mind due to being in all of my emotional turmoil.
During Power of Emotion, I decided to create a new belief to live by: The state of the body does not determine the state of my being. As the weekend ended, I was able to make a shift using my new belief. The body’s symptoms didn’t seem as intense because I wasn’t putting my focus on them. But what I realized several months later is that those same patterns of anxiety, terror and frustration were showing up in other areas of my life. I had been living with those patterns at a lower volume; the physical illness amplified them to maximum volume. I got clear what these patterns had been creating for me–it was like being strapped into an emotional roller coaster. I decided this was no longer acceptable, and I wasn’t going to tolerate these patterns any longer. I unstrapped myself and got off that emotional roller coaster and moved along to the next ride.
I have recently been discharged from my Lyme doctor. I am feeling physically better, and I am choosing to show up in a state of peace and calm consistently in all areas of my life. Now, instead of living my life on the Mind Eraser, I live life as though on a Lazy River ride. A Lazy River is described as "a water ride, which usually consists of a shallow pool that flows similarly to a river. There is generally a slow current, usually just enough to allow guests to gently ride along lying on rafts." Not to say that I am "lazy" now, but I am taking action from this calm, centered state, and finding grace among the waves of life. From this place, I can activate anything that I choose, such as love, passion, strength and confidence, and create a life of magnificence.
What is true for me today? I am grateful for my journey this past year and see it all as an opportunity to get me to a stronger and more unshakable state so that I may see my vision fulfilled of serving and holding a loving space for others.
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Lori Schlotzhauer has been using the tools of Conscious Transformation since 2007 and has been a Conscious Transformation energy practitioner since 2010. The teachings of Conscious Transformation are important to her as she believes it to be the answer to true, long-lasting transformation. Using these tools, Lori has created much peace, love and freedom in her own life. For this reason, she is passionate about sharing this knowledge with others.